


Heartland

by LadyGinoza



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Gen, I kill things...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:34:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 76,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGinoza/pseuds/LadyGinoza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A horse ranch, Cowboys, a delinquent... What could possibly go wrong...?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Kougami**

A ranch in the middle of nowhere... That's so typical. A ranch that so happens to be experts in rehabilitating injured and ill horses. A place that also seems to serve as a foster home for seized horses by the SPCA for neglect from their fucking previous owners. And whatever else that place is good for...

Great, just fucking great...

My parole officer must be a complete idiot for thinking that this was a perfect idea to send me there in the first place… By all means, I’m from the city, not the damn countryside! What the hell am I supposed to do on a damn fucking ranch!? 

Everything that I know, everything that I've learned throughout the years is not going to help me on a god damn ranch and the thing is, I don't even know a single thing about farm life. I don't know anything about the animals or about the kind of work I'll have to do. So how is working on a farm to clear my  probation a fucking good idea to this fucking lunatic is way beyond me. Maybe it's his way of trying to make me lose my mind...

How could my parole officer come with the conclusion that this would be a good idea...? 

I'm not against working all summer, I'm not afraid to put in some sweat and hard work. That's not the problem that I have with this shit. It's the fact that he expects me to do all of that while I'm surrounded by a bunch of people that I don't even know. And lets face it, anyone that wants to live and work on a ranch to take care of fucking horses can't be fucking sane.

It's all part of my fucking probation and because of that, I don't have a say in the matter in any way if I don't want to do time behind bars. Yeah I get it, I have to put in my fucking hours in community service in order to pay for my crime. But lets be honest for a second. How is working on a fucking ranch even qualifies as community service anyway? It's not even fucking logical no matter how you look at it.

Anyway… What’s the use of complaining about this shit at this point? It's not like anyone is going to listen to me to begin with. It's not like anyone even cares to hear what I have to see or what I think. I'm just a parasite in the eyes of people, a parasite that needs to be destroyed and Clint is no better.

I gave up trying to talk some sense into this guy a while ago, it was clear that I was losing my time doing so. I have to keep telling myself that it could have been worse. With all my misfortunes I have to be grateful for two things. The first thing I have to be thankful for is by working at the Heartland ranch all summer, I won't have to go to jail. The second good thing is that I don't have to stay home or at the foster place for at least three months guarantee. And who knows, if the work isn't that bad maybe I can somehow convince the owner to keep me full time. I could work on the ranch until I can earn enough cash to get myself out of this fucking joint. 

To be honest, I’m not looking forward into cleaning horse shit all day, every day… But it still beats life at home. In a way, even if I have to get up extra early in the morning and work my ass off, it will still feel like a fucking vacation to me.

“We’re here. You better make this work for you Shinya. You won’t get a second chance so you better think long and hard before doing something to screw things up.” Clint tells me as he does  a right turn on a gravel road.

I look up only to see him looking in his rear mirror a few times like he's trying to study my expression. As if he's trying to read me or something but whatever, I don't give a shit. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, I am who I am and if you don't like it you can just fuck yourself.

Anyway, I think my parole officer is fucking lost. He said that we were here but all I see is the same over grown grass and trees that I've been seeing for the last few hours. Everything just looks the same and then little by little the number of trees are starting to decrease and the grass seems to be getting shorter and then as the car keeps on going further, a huge arch comes into view. As we get closer, I can finally read out the single word that's engraved onto the center in a dark red colour. The letters in bold but quite old and yet still kept in good shape over the years it would seem. It makes me wonder exactly how many years Heartland has existed.

Heartland, engraved in bold on an oak wood planked nailed onto the top of the arch in a simple manner. So I guess my parole officer was right but still, it feels like the middle of nowhere to me.

We drove for another fifteen minute before the ranch comes into view. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting the ranch to be this large. The house is huge and for some reason I was expecting something smaller but I was wrong. The barn is pretty much the same size as the house, maybe even bigger but everything that I see is in perfect shape. The red barn stands out, especially with the white trimmings. It's the first thing that catches the eye when you drive in. Anyway, I'd say by the looks of it, it received a fresh coat of paint recently too. The house on the other hand got a coat of a rich dark brown stain a year ago, maybe two at best. Compared to the barn, the house looks rather plain in that colour and yet I can't imagine it any other colour. The dark brown just looks good with the black tin roof and black shutters. It also helps to make the dark gray stone chimney stand out even more.

To be honest though, the house looks like one of those log cabins. Only difference is that it's oversize in comparison. It's also way more sophisticated and I must say, it looks awesome. 

I remove my gaze off the house to look around the property. There are three large rectangular enclosures around the large property. There's one right next to the house that is vacant and doesn't seem to have anything in it. There's no grass, just some sort of dirt and yet there's no mud in sight. If it had not rained last night, I would have believed that this enclosure suffered a serious drought. It just gives off a vibe of death with the dirt being so dark that it's almost black.

Right next to the barn is the second enclosure and this one isn't vacant. It's currently occupied by a grayish horse that is eating grass without a care in the world. At least that enclosure makes a bit more sense to me than the first one but it's still a bit odd. It looks rather neglected by how wild the grass is.

The last enclosure by my guesses, it must be some sort of training arena or something of the sort. It looks like some sort of jumping arena and from here I can see that the terrain is well taken care of. The grass is short and clean unlike the second one where the grass is a bit overgrown.

All three enclosures are completely different in appearance. Actually none of them come close so it's only safe to assume that all three of them are not used for the same thing. Specific tasks must done in specific enclosures, that I'm most certain about.

Between the enclosure next to the barn and the jumping arena a rounded pen catches my eye. It's currently occupied by someone and a horse. The individual just seems to be standing in the center while the horse is running in circles around the pen. I have no idea why anyone would allow a horse to do that but it must be for a good reason I guess...

The car comes to a halt, snapping me out of my thoughts and I waste no time getting out as I swing my bag over my shoulder as I look around. Everything around this place is top notch. The large wooden beams used for all three enclosures are all well maintained and are of good quality. I’m sure they must have cost a fortune to build but it looks nice and clean. It looks way better than those barb wire fences that I saw earlier on the drive over here. 

I wonder if enclosures built out of wood are safer than the barb wires for the horses? Or maybe it's just the owner that feels like being fancier than the other farmers.

By the appearance, it's hard not to take this ranch seriously. Everywhere I look, I can't see a single thing that is in disarray. Everything is clean and well organized it's almost a bit terrifying when I stop and think about it. This place just screams dollar signs and knowing that my soon to be boss is fucking loaded makes me nervous. I’m not high class; I wouldn’t even call myself a low class. I'm lower than a low class…

I can hear a couple of geese quacking but I can’t see any and yet they sound so near. I can hear plenty of horses coming from the barn and I can’t help but wonder exactly how many there are in there. Whatever the number, that's how many I'll have to clean after every day. Just thinking about it is making me nauseous. 

“You better make this work for you Shinya. You don’t have anywhere else to go.” Clint says as he gets out of his car in a rather stern manner.

“I know. If you haven’t told me a thousand times already, you haven’t told me at all.” I snap back without thinking but Clint doesn’t say anything. Instead he walks up towards the house and disappears inside after knocking, leaving me alone.

I pace around back and forth before dropping my bag onto the patio steps of the house. I start walking down towards the rounded pen where the same horse is still running around in circles. I just can’t comprehend why someone would make an animal do something like that over and over again. I just can't make out the logic but there must be some reason to it but I just don’t get it.

I tiptoe closer to the pen and climb up on the first beam as I watch the guy in the pen. He's holding a thick blue strap in his hand and on the other end it's attached onto the halter of the horse.

The guy is rather focused on what he’s doing and I have to say that he’s not hard on the eyes either much to my pleasure. At least now there's something to look forward to each morning. Seeing a pretty face like that every morning has its merits. I just can’t help but smirk at the idea and I have to add, he’s got a nice ass as well. That will indeed be a great motivation to get up in the morning.

He’s dressed rather casual, nothing special which only makes sense on a ranch and yet he looks great. That asymetrical green high collar double breasted jacket looks good on him. His ass looks damn good in those dark blue jeans. So good that I want to rip them off just so I can see it bare. I also would like to get a good grab of it as well.

The only thing that I hate is that damn beige cowboy hat he has on his head. It's fucking hiding his damn hair. But, from the little I can see it's black and rather short at the nape and longer around his face.

His skin seems rather pale to me. But that might be because of the dark colours that he’s wearing. His raven hair only further helps to make his complexion fairer. He does have a reddish tint on his cheeks from the cool morning air so I'll assume he's been here a while.

“He’s full of energy huh?” I blurt out catching his attention in the progress but startling him would be a better word to use. I don’t think he saw me standing here watching until I spoke just now and I can’t help but continue smirking at the guy. I just love that expression he just gave me, it’s cute.

“She.” He replies back as he gets the horse to stop running around the pen.

“What?” I ask a bit puzzled as I climb over the second beam to sit.

“It’s a she not a he.” He adds as he strokes between the horse’s eyes in a soft circular motion with two fingers and his thumb. Although the horse's breathing is a little rapid from running around the pen. It seems to be rather enjoying the gentle stroking from the guy and I have to say that I’m almost jealous.

“My apologies.” I apologize and add a bit teasingly. “So… Is she sensitive about being wrongfully gendered?”

“Totally.” He answers back with a soft smile. Somehow he just became three times more beautiful if that was even fucking possible to begin with.

This guy, he just glows. His smile is gentle and soft and yet I don't feel like it's genuine though. That horse seems to adore him a lot, not like I can blame the animal either. 

Anyway, in all honesty, I have this vibe coming from this guy that I might get along just fine with him too. It’s an odd feeling to have since I don’t usually get along with anyone in general.

I know for a fact that he must be somewhat aware about who I am and why I'm here. I don't think the boss of this place would keep his workers in the dark about me. Anyway, this guy doesn’t seem to be judgmental about what I am and that feels rather nice.

“Shinya Kougami, I’m going to be here all summer so I might as well get to know the place.” I introduce myself as I extend a hand for him to shake.

“Nobuchika Ginoza.” He replies back as he comes closer towards me. He shakes my hand and then turns towards the horse. “And this is Cherry; my grandpa says that I should teach you how to ride today.”

“Grandpa? Mariam signed my probation form for me to work here so I think it be best if I do what she says before your grandpa. No offense.” I say and I see the joy get sucked out of Ginoza’s face in a matter of seconds and I just want to punch myself in the face for that. Like seriously, what the fuck Kou!? “But I’ll do whatever I’m told to do so all is good right?” I add in haste, hoping that I’ll be able to save myself from my first screw up but Ginoza doesn’t smile again. He just continues stroking Cherry gently along her neck.

“My mom died a month ago…” He mutters and I feel my stomach drop down to my gut.

I learned afterwards that Mariam had been the one who had approached my parole officer first. She was the one who offered to take any delinquents that were still in need of work and there was... I was the only one left who had nothing. No one wanted to give me a second chance and there was no way that she would accept that. So she offered to take me in for the summer to work at Heartland and the request got approved immediately.

I know that this place is my only chance for a new life. It's my last chance to be more precise… I don’t have anywhere else to go so what am I supposed to do now?

My parole officer didn’t say anything to me and I wonder if he even knows that Mariam is dead... Now I just feel awful for having reminded Ginoza about his mom. No wonder his smile vanished like that. No wonder why his smile did not seem genuine either.

I’m a fucking idiot…

“My grandpa wants you to learn how to ride so we should do that.” He tells me, changing the subject in the process while trying to hide how he feels but not too well. It's written all over his face, he's like an open book.

Ginoza’s smile was so beautiful but now I know why...

They say those who have the most beautiful smiles are usually the saddest people and it's true but I know. I just know that his real smile when he’s not sad, that is must be even more beautiful. I’ll see that this summer, I’ll make sure of it.

“So… How is this going to work?” I ask as I watch him remove the thick blue belt that's attached on the halter of the horse. He rolls up the belt before hanging it around one of the post of the round pen.

“How to ride? I’ll have you start with Cherry. She’s a good horse and I don’t think you’ll have too much problems with her either. Then once you’ve got the hang of it, grandpa will assign you your own horse for the summer or he’ll give that job to me.” Ginoza tells me as he opens the gate of the rounded pen and leads Cherry out behind him.

Ginoza walks over one of the rectangular pen with Cherry in tow. The same pen that's currently occuppied by that grayish horse.

“So I’ll have a specific horse? Why is that?” I ask as I leap down from the rounded pen to follow him.

“You can’t just ride any horse. There has to be a bond between a rider and the horse. You can’t alternate horses. Otherwise, the horse will either not get to know you or it will feel jealous and left out.” Ginoza explains as he opens the rectangular pen and leads Cherry in and closes the gate once she's in the pen.

“Like wondering what it did wrong?” I ask.

“Exactly.” He acknowledges which makes sense but I had no idea that horses were that sensitive but it does make sense. They are rather smart animals so I’m sure that they'll surprise me quite often by their behaviors.

“So that grayish one over there, is that going to be my horse once I'm ready? Is that why he’s there?” I ask and I can’t help but find that one so captivating. It looks so unique and I can actually see myself riding it, I’d look damn good too. I know it.

Cherry isn’t bad either. She’s a single colour of a deep reddish brown with the end of her hooves a bit darker. But, I’ve seen so many horses that looks like Cherry before that they've become boring. They’re just so common, you see them everywhere in cowboy movies. They're just so overused and plain. 

The grayish one, well, it's a rarity. You don't see a horse like that every day. It sure is a real beauty, that's without a doubt. It's so gorgeous. Just like Ginoza. 

“No. That’s Tempest. He’s too old to ride and he doesn’t like being in his stall all day so we just leave him out in the pasture for a little while.” Ginoza explains as he walks away towards the barn and I follow.

Okay so I think I was right, each large enclosure on this property must be for something. One is definitely for jumping and the now the over grown enclosure is the pasture. I'll have to remember that one for future references.

Anyway, the pasture is the enclosure for chilling out. That's how it looks to me anyway. Tempest sure as hell seems to be chilling like a boss.

The third enclosure is still a mystery to me. The drought is what I'm going to call that one for now. Anyway, back to the pasture... If Ginoza left Cherry in the pasture, I'll assume that's where he'll teach me to ride so why are we going into the barn?

Am I missing something here? Chances are that would be a yes. But hey! How hard can it be to ride a horse if actors do it?

“If Tempest is too old to ride then what good is he? I mean don’t get me wrong here, it’s just it kind of seems rather cruel to not allow it that much.” I say and I almost regret saying that when Ginoza shoots me a look on the corner of his eye. He doesn't scold me but his eyes said it all and instead he gives me a soft smile. It helps to give me some sort of relief that I didn't fuck up again. 

Being this close to Ginoza right now, I just can’t help but admire his features. Even though he’s a guy, he has delicate facial features. And now that I’m this close to him I can better see his eyes and I have to say that they are intoxicating. I’ve never seen anyone with eyes so vibrant. They’re just like emeralds and it’s kind of hard to look away from them. His eyelashes are dark and thick that just somehow makes his eyes pop even more.

It has to be illegal to look this good. God damn it!

“Tempest may be old and we can’t ride him anymore but he’s good for other things. For an example, he’s a great therapy horse; he helps a lot when we get stressed horses and such.” Ginoza explains and again that makes sense. I guess this place is pretty much reuse and recycle.

“Heartland… Exactly what do you guys do around here anyway?” I ask.

“We take care of neglected horses and we foster them until they find a new home. We also train and work with horses with sudden behavioral problems that become problematic.” Ginoza explains as we enter the barn and walk down to the end of the stalls towards a pitch black horse.

“Sounds like a lot of work. Not something I think I could do.” I say as I watch Ginoza open the stall to allow the black horse out. He leads the horse out before strapping a halter on the horse’s head. Once that's done, he then strap on a saddle on its back over a sort of white padding before grabbing a helmet.

“We also have a side business in Heartland. My grandpa likes to call it a dude ranch but it’s a tourist attraction in the summer. It was my mom’s idea and that alone was a huge boost in revenue. It allowed us to continue to work with troubled horses without giving us a financial burden.” Ginoza further explains and gives me the helmet before leading the black horse out of the barn and I follow.

“Your late mom.” I blurt out without thinking and I just want to punch myself in the face again. Out of all the things I could have said I just had to fucking say something that insensitive didn’t I…? Why the fuck did I need to say that? Like seriously Kou? What the fucking fuck!?

“Yeah… My late mom…” Ginoza repeats a bit numb and I can see that his mom is a huge sensitive spot for him. I can understand the feeling. I mean none of my parents are dead but my dad left when I was a kid so it’s pretty much the same thing. It’s not a good feeling to have that's for sure…

We walk back towards the pasture in silence and Ginoza opens the gate. Without saying a word Cherry trotted towards us as Ginoza closes the gate behind him. Once the gate is secure, he mounts on the black horse before looking down on me.

“Put on your helmet and mount on Cherry.” He tells me and adds, “And we’ll begin, it’s easy.”

“I’m sure it is.” I reply back as I secure the helmet on my head. Once the helmet is secure, I climb on top of Cherry only to fall over on the other side making Ginoza laugh at my fall.

I didn’t sign up for this kind of humiliation but what choice do I have? I can’t ditch this place to go work somewhere else; they won’t take me because of my record. It sucks. I don’t want to work on a ranch but this is all I have for now but so far I’m not enjoying this at all.

Falling on my ass right in front of Ginoza even before the horse even moved is more than embarrassing. I can say it’s not what I was aiming for but at least I got Ginoza to laugh and he’s got a nice laugh too.

I get back up and mount back onto Cherry only to almost fall back over. I grabbed hold of the saddle just in time to prevent the fall but damn. I was so sure this was going to be a lot easier but it’s not.

I’m afraid it’s going to be a long day…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Ginoza**

Summer has only just started and it’s already hot for this time of year outside. It kind of almost makes me dread for what’s to come later once summer has reached its climax. Right now I almost feel bad for Kougami. Well almost.

I finished my work early this afternoon so I can afford to relax for the rest of the day. I don't have to do anything until the sun starts to sets of which I don't mind at all. 

Kougami on the other hand, he can’t afford to do that. He’s got one huge pile of tasks over his shoulders and they must all be completed by dinner time. Grandpa sure isn’t letting up on Kougami that's for sure. Poor guy, he has no idea what he’s in for.

“You are so bad; I can’t believe you made that guy ride Cherry all morning as his first time on a horse.” Mika says much to her own amusement as she joins me outside on the patio and I can’t help but smile at the thought of that.

Cherry is a great horse, there’s no doubt about it. But, she’s young and energetic. Not to mention that she loves to jump to the point that she’d make a great show jumper horse. She also has a great personality and a charming temperament to match her skills. To be honest she’s just a good horse in general and even greater for rookie show jumpers. Cherry has lots of potential to be great in competitions that's for sure. But, she doesn’t give a smooth ride which is her only downfall.

The reason why Cherry is a rough rider is due how she bounces when she trots. So, Kougami should be feeling a lot of pain below the belt right about now. If you count the added pain in his upper body from today's work, he's going to be a total wreck by night fall.

“Jealous that you didn’t thought of it yourself?” I shoot back at her in a playful manner as we watch Kougami stack up bales of hay in the distance near the barn.

Maybe it was a cruel thing what I did considering that I already knew what kind of work grandpa would give him today. But, I just couldn’t resist. The way he kept running his mouth this morning about my mom and Tempest, he got exactly what he deserved.

“So what do you think he did?” Mika suddenly asks. “He’s on probation, he must have done something. Have an idea what it could be?” She adds with a hint of curiosity in her tone.

I have absolutely no idea what Kougami did since grandpa hasn't told me anything about it. To be honest, it's really none of my business to begin with. It’s not something that I dared to ask Kougami either. Unlike him, I know not to cross certain boundaries. It doesn’t take a genius to guess that he probably did something pretty bad. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be on probation in the first place.

Everything that Kougami does or wants to do must be approved by grandpa first. If grandpa doesn’t approve, well he won’t be able to do it. I guess you can kind of say that Kougami is almost under house arrest. He probably deserves it though and yet he doesn’t seem like a bad person. But, appearance can often be misleading sometimes.

“I don’t know and to be honest I don’t care.” I answer briefly and quite frankly it’s the truth. What Kougami did and all, I could care little about. Besides, I don't believe in ungraving old skeletons.

“Shouldn’t you be working with Princess today?” Mika asks after a few minutes of silence. I wish she hadn’t reminded me as I let out a long sigh just thinking about that mare.

“Yeah…” I mutter back.

Princess is a gorgeous mare who was brought to Heartland for behavioral problems. The owner is a special friend of grandpa's and I like her a lot. It was kind of hard to say no but I have no idea how to help this girl.

She’s got a massive behavioral problem that’s without a doubt. She’s extremely hard to predict which makes working with her so much more difficult.

Princess won’t allow anyone to saddle her up anymore. She doesn't even allow you to put on a halter which wasn’t the case in the past since she was a great show horse. She won many ribbons and trophies for Fairfield. But it’s like Lysa said, Princess is getting old and her performance on the track started to drop due to her age. 

After some consideration, Lysa decided to retire the mare. Since pushing Princess to continue show jumping would have been cruel on her part. Not to mention the risk of injury was starting to be quite high. Lysa just could not take the chance of Princess receiving an irreparable injury.

So, Lysa removed Princess from the Fairfield roster for future show jumping events. She did however decide to keep the mare permanently at Fairfield instead.

Lysa kept Princess active by making her do casual jumping around her ranch. Nothing demanding, just enough to keep the mare from growing restless and bored. But, little by little Princess started to become rather troublesome towards her riders. Then it jumped to the other horses and now it’s to the point that she’s dangerous towards people in general. No one knows why since she has never experienced any traumatic incidents.

“Wish me luck.” I blurt out with no enthusiasm as I get up and make my way towards the barn, paying no attention to Kougami as I entered. I can’t help but shake my head as I take off my jacket and hung it next to the hung halters.

Nymeria and Cherry are in their rightful stalls which is good but the rest have completely been mixed up. Much to my dismay, Princess has been placed in the stall between Nymeria and Cherry which isn’t good at all. 

I had to put her in the stall at the entrance, away from all the other horses since she always tried to bite them. She also tend to kick inside her stall and I really don’t want her to injure herself or hurt the other horses.

I don’t say anything, I can already guess who it was that mixed up all the horses anyway. I don’t feel like arguing right now about something that Kougami probably was not aware of. 

I walk over to Princess and for some odd reason she seems a bit different today. Her eyes are the same as before but she seems calmer. She seems more relaxed but I don’t take any chance and I lead her out of the stall. I carefully guide her back to her previous stall that she occupied since she got here.

“Have you started to calm down girl?” I  ask her with a gentle tone as I stroke her neck, carefully observing her eyes but they haven't changed. But, she’s definitely different than she was when she first got here. It’s the first time that she’s allowed me to stroke her like this so it’s good. It's a small progress so I'm contempt with this.

I can understand why Lysa is willing to try anything to get Princess back to her old self. She’s a Camarillo White horse and they are extremely rare. Unlike some typical grey horses who’s fur whitens as they get older. The Camarillo White horse are born pure white and remain that way for the rest of their lives. It’s without a doubt that Lysa has spent a lot of money on Princess and Lysa loves her so much. She even thought that selling Princess was her last option and she did try. There were plenty of buyers who were interested in Princess. But whoever bought Princess always ended up returning her back to Fairfield for a refund a few weeks later. Their reason was always the same. It was all due to behavioral problems a few weeks later.

“That horse shouldn’t be in the corner by herself.”

I look over my shoulder to see Kougami leaning against Princess’s stall. His shirt soaked in sweat and a bit breathless with an idiotic look on his face.

“She shouldn’t be near the other horses, she bites them.” I reply back, not removing my eyes off Kougami who’s grinning like an idiot. He doesn’t know anything about horses so he should mind his own business. “Each horse has their proper stall, you can’t just put them wherever you want.” I add as I return my gaze onto Princess and I try to stroke her head and much to my pleasure she allows me.

“Well, she’s lonely.” He states and emphasizes the word she and continues. “There wasn't a spectre of dust on her, let her be a horse for a change. If she gets dirty I’ll clean her up, I don’t care.”

I look down at Princess’s hooves in all haste and I notice that they are pretty filthy with dust and grass stains. I turn back to look at Kougami and much to my frustration he still has that damn grin on his face.

“I was asked to keep Princess clean by her owner. Thanks a lot, now you’ve just given me more work to do that I didn't need.” I tell him and I can’t believe that he let Princess out of the barn. He knows absolutely nothing about horses. What would have happened if he would have lost control of her? What would he have done if she had gotten injured or if she had injured someone? He doesn’t think!

“I’ll help clean her up Ginoza, don’t stress it.” He casually says like it’s nothing at all which only further rises my frustration. 

Just as he finished talking his expression suddenly went from calm to alarmed in a matter of second as he violently opens the stall in all haste. 

Before I can even move away, I feel a sudden  sharp pain as I clutch onto my right arm as I try to ignore the throbbing pain. Kougami quickly pulls me away from the mare and out of the stall. He closes the stall in all haste leaving Princess to fuss in her stall alone and rather violently.

“Are you okay!?” He asks and I can sense the nervousness in his tone as he pulls my hand away to inspect my arm and it’s a complete mess.

The bite mark has broken through the skin and blood is gushing out but it’s nothing too alarming. I’ve seen worse but it stings pretty bad and it feels like my heart has changed places and it's now in my arm.

“I’m fine…” I reply back as I walk away. 

I head into my mom’s old office with Kougami tow, mumbling something but I’m not listening. I search through my mom’s old stuff, looking for the first aid kit. I know it's here somewhere, hiding somewhere under a pile of papers that needs to be filed. I just haven't had the time to do it. 

After a bit of searching, I finally found the kit that’s lying under a pile of paper work.

“No you’re not. Sit down!” Kougami orders and gives me no choice as he practically forces me to sit down. He opens up the first aid kit and quickly takes out a few things and starts tending to my wound. I have to say that I’m kind of impress.

Kougami was nervous only a minute ago and now he’s completely calm. He seems to know exactly what he’s doing as he cleans the wound. He then carefully disinfected it before covering the wound with a compress. Once that's done, he wraps it up securely with a bandage wrap to keep the compress pad in place and done.

“Ginoza I had no idea that horse was unpredictable like that. She was fine when I took her out into the pasture and she was constantly with Tempest. Actually she was playing with him.” He tells me as he puts everything back in order into the kit and closes it once he's done with my arm.

“I was told that she bites but she never tried to bite me before now…” I say. My mind is half gone as I try to think of a reason why Princess bite me. I don’t recall doing anything that could have provoked her to do that or maybe it’s just something else. But, I have to find out what that is.

“That horse is dangerous; she could have done much worse than just bite your arm. I don’t want to tell you what to do but you can’t go near it again. If she bite you once, she’ll do it again.” Kougami further tells me and it’s not like I’m not aware of that possibility. I've been around horses long enough to know what I'm getting myself into when I work with them.

When working with horses that have problems, you have to consider the risks involved. Sometimes you can heal a horse with no problems at all but it’s not always the case with them all. Some are more challenging and sometimes you do get hurt trying to heal a horse but I’m perfectly fine with that. All horses can be saved, you just can’t give up on them that’s all.

Mom wouldn’t give up on Princess if she was still here so neither can I.

“This is her last chance; if it doesn’t work out here she’ll be put down.” I admit and just thinking about that happening is enough to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t want Princess to be killed, she deserves to live and I know there is still some good in that horse. Even if it was only for a few minutes, I still saw some improvement. Why she suddenly acted the way that she did, well that's what I have to figure out. That's the problem that needs to be solved and I will solve it no matter what. No matter how long it takes I will figure it out.

I get up and walk out of mom’s old office with Kougami still following me a bit too close for my liking.

“Ginoza you can’t do miracles.” He further tells me and I felt a hint of frustration in his tone. “That horse is crazy.” He adds and glares at Princess like she's the worst thing that ever happened.

Princess is a lot of things. I’ll admit it that she is unstable right now but she’s not crazy. She bite me for a reason, she can’t talk to tell me what is wrong. She’s trying to tell me something and that’s what I have to figure out.

“Kougami…”

“What?”

“Don’t tell my grandpa about what happened.” I mutter the request as I put on my jacket.

“Are you out of your mind, I have to. That’s a serious injury; I have to alert Pops just in case it turns bad.” Kougami exclaims. I want to cringe as he raised his voice, praying that grandpa wasn’t around to hear him just now.

“I’ll be fine, it doesn’t hurt that much anyway.” I reply as casually as I could manage without wincing from the constant throbbing in my arm. Kougami doesn’t seem to buy it though much to my dismay.

“You don’t get it; I’m in a sensitive spot here. Ginoza if it doesn’t work here I have nowhere else to go. If Pops finds out that I failed to report an incident I’ll be out of here and I’ll be thrown to jail.” He further tells me and I get that, I really do but grandpa can’t know. Well not right now anyway.

“Can’t report an incident if you didn’t see anything.” I say, giving him a smile. Hoping that he’ll agree to that but his facial expression basically gave me an answer.

“I’m not going to lie for you if I’m asked about it.” He tells me before walking out of the barn.

Well that could have been worse but I can’t blame Kougami for not wanting to cover for me. It’s not like I’d let grandpa throw him out for that but anyway I have more important things to worry about right now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Kougami**

I don’t get Ginoza at all. He got bitten pretty bad and yet he still refused to stay away from that damn horse like nothing happened. He’s got his mind dead set that he’ll be able to change that animal for the better. Honestly, I doubt it that he’ll be successful to do so. And now, I just can’t help but worry about him when I know that he’s all alone in the round pen with that crazy animal.

I offered to help him with that beast but he refused my offer altogether. Then he got mad at me when I stayed to watch him work at the pen so I had to leave him to his lonesome self. 

Having to watch him from the patio doesn’t suit me too well. The thing is that if something were to happen; the time it will take for me to run over there to him. It’s long enough for that creature to seriously injure Ginoza and maybe worse, kill him.

“You’re not bad; you finished all your work so fast. Not bad, not bad at all if I do say so myself.” Mika tells me as she sits down on the chair next to me with a mug in hand. I’ll assume that she must have finished her own work then.

“Is your brother always this stubborn?” I ask, not removing my gaze off Ginoza in the distance.

He’s doing the exact same thing he had been doing with Cherry this morning. He's making the horse run round and round the pen. The only difference is that the crazy beast isn’t saddled up nor does it have a halter on its head. The horse is completely free to do what it wants to do if it chooses to. Ginoza can’t fasten that thick belt onto the horse without a halter. But, he does have a rope that he often hits on the ground. Other than that he’s got nothing but on the good side, everything seems to be going fine. Well from here it looks like the horse is doing what Ginoza wants at least which is good.

“Always.” She answers followed by a soft laugh.

“Aren’t you worried that he’ll get hurt in there with that thing?” I ask, removing my gaze off Ginoza. I turn my attention towards Mika as I try to study her facial expression. From what I can tell, she doesn’t seem too worried. My guesses are that this kind of behavior has become a habit around here so probably no one notices anymore. It’s just a regular thing now…

“I’d be lying if I’d say no but I have faith in my brother that he’ll find a way. He always does, just like our mom he has a gift with horses you know.” She tells me before taking a sip from her mug.

A gift with horses…?

I’ve heard about people who call themselves horse whisperers. They claim to be able to do miracles with them too but in all honesty, I find that to be complete bull. If you know what you’re doing then you won’t have any problems with the animal. But, it also depends on the horse that you’re working on. If the horse is cooperative then you will be fine. But, some just can’t be helped, you can’t do miracles with an animal that just does not want to listen.

“And you don’t?” I ask, changing the subject somewhat.

Come to think about it, I haven’t seen Mika work with any of the horses here. Actually I haven’t seen her interact with a single one all day. Yeah she did some chores around here. She cared for the chickens for an instance. But, the majority of the work I’ve seen her do was care for the house, cook and do laundry and that was it.

Tasks around here on the ranch feels kind of weird to me by how it’s distributed to everyone. To be honest, I feel like I’ll be doing much of the work around here with Pops. I have a feeling if I hadn’t been here today, Pops would have done everything on his own. Which is kind of cruel if you stop and think about it.

Mika’s charge is fair. I mean she cleans the house, does laundry, cooks and cares for the chickens so she does a lot. Maybe a bit too much but still, she carries her own weight around here. She even stopped doing what she was doing this afternoon to bring Pops and I lemonade without us even asking. But, as for Ginoza... Well I feel like he could do much more around here. He’s a guy. He should help clean the barn considering that he has his own horse in there. He should help Pops around the property too.

I get it that Heartland is a place for recuperation of injured and traumatized horses. Someone needs to work with them to make the horses better. I get that and from what I can comprehend that job belongs solemnly to Ginoza and I’m fine with that. What I’m not fine with is that once he decided that he was done working with the horses. He just saddled up Nymeria and rode off to who knows where for a few hours before he came back. Instead of helping me stack the hay, he just sat under the shade on the patio.

“No I don’t.” She replies with that same soft laugh. If I didn’t know any better I’d say that she’s actually glad that she doesn’t have a gift with horses. Mika doesn’t hate horses but I get this vibe that she’s not exactly a fan of them either. Which is weird since she lives on a horse ranch.

“It’s probably none of my business but what’s the story? You’re biological siblings or by law or something?” I ask, no longer able to keep my curiosity in check.

When I met Ginoza and afterwards Mika. I was certain that they were just really close friends by how they acted towards each other. When I found out from Pops that they were both his grandkids it was kind of awkward.

Mika is small in stature. She has thick brown hair, freckled cheeks over her pale complexion with rich brown eyes. 

Ginoza is tall with a somewhat slim built. He’s got thick black hair paired with a fair complexion. He's got absolutely no imperfections what so ever with vibrant green eyes.

Ginoza and Mika couldn’t look any different from each other even if they tried. Ginoza is the one who stands out the most around here though. Mika resembles Pops a lot. I can see how they are related since Pops has thick brown hair that is now greying but still pretty thick for his age. He’s got old brown eyes and is pretty much average in height, same as me.

Ginoza on the other hand, he’s tall, has black hair and vibrant green eyes. All traits that both Mika and Pops don’t have so I guess Ginoza must resemble his dad more. It makes me wonder where the hell is the guy anyway. He hasn’t been around all day. Maybe he’s gone on some business trip for the ranch and he’ll be back in a few days or something.

“We have the same mom, just not the same dad.” She answers after a few minutes of silent and continues. “And before you ask, my dad died when I was five from cancer so our grandpa is the only family that we have left.”

Damn… Okay. I wasn’t expecting something like that and now I feel like I opened up old wounds for Mika to remember. But, she doesn’t seem bothered by mentioning it so I guess it’s okay.

I thought I had it rough, I guess I could always have had it worse I guess…

“What about Ginoza’s dad? Do you know how he died?” I ask and I don’t even know why I asked that. Sometimes I should bite my tongue; it wasn’t any of my business to ask anyway.

“To be honest I don’t know and neither does my brother. The only thing that we know is that his dad walked out on our mom before he was even born. We don’t know if he’s dead or alive, just that he left and never came back.” She answers rather numbly.

“I’m sorry. You guys had it rough.” Was the only thing I could say, not like I expect it to make much of a difference.

I managed to open up an old wound but it’s those kinds of things that I prefer knowing now than later. Especially when it could be at a wrong time. Even if it hurts. 

I’m going to be here all summer. I need to get to know these people if I want to at least enjoy my stay here somewhat. And actually have a chance to get along with everyone without accidentally triggering things.

“We manage.” She replies as she gets up and goes back inside.

I can’t help but feel sorry for Ginoza and I think I understand him a little better now. I think I understand why he’s so determined to help these horses no matter what the cause. He doesn’t want to abandon them like he was abandoned by his dad. Due to that, he gives it his all into these horses but it’s not just that. He throws himself into his work to help forget his own pain. The pain of abandonment from his dad, the pain from losing a man he had come to call dad and now the pain of losing his mom…

In a way, both Mika and Ginoza are suffering. They just cope with the pain in different ways and I don’t know which is worse. 

Mika lost both parents. They are dead and that's a huge void to fill but for Ginoza. He lost a mother, a father figure and that’s a lot. But, he knows that his real father is probably still alive somewhere but he doesn’t care about his own kid.

That alone hurts. It hurts more than knowing that he’s dead. In a way, it would have been better if the man had died instead of having walked out of being a father. It just makes you feel like you’re not wanted… You feel incomplete no matter how hard you try to fill that void. That feeling just never goes away because deep down even though you know it’s not the case. You can’t help but feel like you did something wrong.

I get up from the wooden chair with some difficulty due to my aching muscles in my thighs. I walk over to the round pen as Ginoza opens the gate and leads the white mare out of the round pen and towards the barn.

“Hey… How it’s going?” I ask, hoping that he’s still not mad at me but I can’t tell how he’s feeling right now. Sometimes he can be so hard to read and at other times so easy, it’s weird.

“Good.” He briefly answers back without looking at me so I guess he’s still somewhat not in a good mood much to my dismay.

“Look I’m sorry about before.” I quickly say as I watch Ginoza lead the mare into her stall. 

Flashbacks of earlier comes rushing back through my head but I don’t act upon them. I don’t want to tick Ginoza off but I can’t deny that I’m not worried.

“It’s fine, I get it.” He replied back as he strokes the mare’s head. Not bothering to even hear me out as if I’m of no importance to him what so ever.

“Can you let me explain-?”

“I said I get it…” He cuts me off but he never raised his voice. His tone remained calm and yet gentle as he stroke the mare’s neck before turning away to face me. “You don’t need to explain and you were right.”

“How was I right?” I ask a bit confused.

“She just wants to be a horse. Not have to do anything other than just being free but she still craves attention, affection.” He tells me and yeah I did say that before.

The thing is that I wasn’t exactly sure of myself back then, I just blurted it out. You can say that it was just a wild guess on my part. To me, she looked happy when I brought her out into the pasture for a while. She was playful. Especially with Tempest so I just figured that she just wanted to socialize in an open field.

“So that’s why she acts out?” I ask as I lean against the stall trying to get a little conversation going.

“Yeah I think so. She just wants to do her own thing and she doesn’t want to be left on her own. After being misunderstood for so long, she started unleashing her frustration. She turned her frustrations into actions hoping that someone would understand.” Ginoza explains and it does make sense and when I stop to think about it, I think I know why she bite Ginoza earlier. He had removed his attention off of her and instead gave it all to me. My guesses are that she became jealous that she was no longer the center of attention.

Ginoza returns his gaze onto the mare and I think that was a smart move to make. If that’s the case, I shouldn’t stay longer than I need to. I wouldn’t want the horse to attack again to gain attention in the wrong way.

“Makes sense so what now?” I ask.

“I’ll just tell Lysa how it is and let her decide what she wants to do with Princess. One thing is for sure, she doesn’t want to jump anymore or any of that. She’s just tired and she did her fair share.” Ginoza tells me and that’s the smartest thing he could do. I don’t see what else he could do at this point anyway.

“She wants to relax in the open fields with the other old horses.” I say as I back away from the stall.

“Yeah pretty much.” Ginoza acknowledges what I said.

I walk away and step out of the barn. I walk over back to the patio where Pops is sitting in silence on one of the wooden chairs with a mug of coffee in his hand.

“I’m going to need you to inspect the fences tomorrow. Just like we talked about earlier this afternoon.” He tells me.

Apparently there are some old barb wire fences around the property and some are starting to get old. They’ll have to be changed but some are more of a priority than others. That’s going to be my job to find out so it won’t be too bad I guess. But, that only means that I will have some hard work ahead of me. That's not exactly something I'm looking forward to.

Pops wants to replace all the barb wire fences eventually with wooden fences. But, it’s a lot of work since installing them is completely done by hand. 

I’ll have to dig holes for the poles and then nail the wooden rails onto the poles. It’s going to look nice once it’s all done. But, it’s going to take such a long time by ourselves to the point that I’m not exactly looking forward to it. 

Pops mentioned before, the ranch needs to match the dude ranch in appearance. Barb wire fences just don't cut it anymore. Besides, the wooden ones are much sturdier and safer to not only the tourists but to the horses as well. So, it’s worth it in the long run.

“Sure, I can do that.” I agree before sitting down in the other chair beside him.

It was pretty hot today. Not the hottest I’ve felt but it reached to the highs today. Tonight, it’s a bit chilly. I wish that Pops would tell me that he changed his mind about me sleeping in the loft up in the barn. Not like that’s ever going to happen unfortunately but I can always hope…

“Take Tempest with you for the job tomorrow.” He calmly says after a few minutes of silence over the sounds of the crickets. I have to wonder if I heard him correctly or if the heat had an effect on him or something.

“Tempest? Isn’t he too old to ride?” I blurt out much to Pops’ own confusion and now I’m even more lost.

Ginoza told me this morning that Tempest was much too old to ride now. That he was out of the question to be used other than being beneficial to help traumatic horses. It's why Tempest is still staying at the ranch. But, from what I’ve seen this afternoon, he was pretty energetic for his old age. He had plenty of energy and stamina from what I saw when he was playing with the white mare.

“Too old? No, he’s still got some spark left in him to last a few more years. He’s mature, better suited for what I want you to do tomorrow.” Pops tells me.

“But Ginoza said-”

“Tempest was my daughter’s horse before she passed away. My grandson does his little rules with the horses but at the end of the day I’m the boss around here. What I say goes.” He cuts me off in a gentle manner and continues. “And besides, I haven’t seen that horse interested in anything since my daughter’s death. You somehow managed to do that today and that’s a sign that it’s meant to be.”

“Meant to be what?” I ask.

“Starting tomorrow, your horse and partner will be Tempest. He’ll be your solemn responsibility.” He says, not exactly answering my question but I can’t believe it.

I remember Ginoza saying that I would practice riding on Cherry for a bit. Then once I’ve gotten the hang of it, Pops or Ginoza would assign me a permanent horse to ride for the summer. I just assumed that it would be Cherry for some reason. I didn’t think that I would ever get to ride Tempest and let alone be my horse for the whole summer.

“Are you serious?” I ask as I try to hide my excitement. 

“Yes I am.” Pops proudly confirms before taking another gulp of coffee.

“I’m honored, no really it means a lot to me. I promise that I won’t let you down Pops.” I quickly tell him, not bothering to hide my excitement anymore.

I’ve only been here for a day and I know that I’m going to be faced with some rough ones since nothing is perfect.  I know there will be some good days and some bad ones but I’m growing fond of this place already. I prefer being here than at home. I’m growing fond of Pops too. What I wouldn’t give to have a grandfather or even my own dad to be just like him.

I envy Ginoza for that but I’m glad that he has Pops in his life. After everything that has happened, after he lost so many people I’m glad that Pops was there with him. Maybe Ginoza might never admit it but Pops is not just his grandfather, Pops is his father in a sense.

“Kou.” I quickly snap out of my thoughts at Pops’ saying my name in such a gentle tone.

I know that I’m not used to this kind of treatment. And Pops is my boss so I don’t expect him to treat me any different than he would with an employee. But, he’s been good to me all day. Yeah he pushed me just so I don’t slack off but there’s a lot of work to do around so I can’t blame him. It just feels weird to be treated with so much kindness for once. I feel for the first time in a long time that I actually might belong here.

“Yeah?” 

“No use killing yourself out here. Work at a reasonable pace and whatever is left can be done the next day. As long the barn and the property are clean, that’s what’s important.” He says. 

Yeah that sounds good to me. Not like I’ll drag my feet tomorrow or any other day for that matter. But, it’s good to know where I stand in terms of work that I have to do around here.

“Okay, sure thing.” I acknowledge as I get up and step down from the patio only to turn back. “Hey Pops. There’s something that I should tell you. I’m probably going to get on Ginoza’s bad side for this but I can’t keep quiet about this any longer.”

“Something about my grandson, Kou?” He asks. I’ve got his full attention now at whatever I have to say about Ginoza. He isn’t bearing a judgmental look on his face. He’s just interested in hearing something about his grand-kid no matter what it is. That’s really someone who cares, I wonder if Ginoza even realizes just how much Pops cares about him…

“Yeah…” I acknowledge and continue. “That white horse he’s been working with, it bite him today. He didn’t need any stitches, I tended to the injury myself but it was pretty bad still.”

After the incident, Ginoza acted like nothing was wrong. He didn’t remove his jacket for the rest of the afternoon. Even now, he still had it on just so he could hide his arm from Pops. It was a nasty bite and I know that it is hurting him but he pretends that it doesn’t and I just don’t get him for that.

“I appreciate you telling me.” Pops tells me with a slight nod.

“Ginoza didn’t want me to tell you about what happened but I felt that it was something that you should know. I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything earlier when I should have.” I further tell him.

I should have told Pops the moment that it had happened. I knew what I was doing back there, I know I cleaned Ginoza’s wound properly and I know it won’t get infected either. I tended to his wound the correct way but I should have gone to get Pops still just to make sure everything was alright. Maybe he would have taken Ginoza to the hospital or maybe not. But, I was in the wrong for keeping that a secret from him for so long like I did. My decision could have placed Ginoza’s health in danger.

“What matters is that you told me. Better late than never, Kou.” He replied and if I didn’t know any better I’d say that he already knew way before I even said anything. It’s like his eyes are telling me that he was already aware. Like he knows everything that goes on around here even when he’s not there. It’s strange.

“Thanks for giving me a chance to work here; I won’t let you down Pops. I promise.” I tell him.

I mean every single word that I just said. I don’t want to slack off and I want to do my share here and for some odd reason I just want to make Pops proud of me. I don’t want him to regret taking me in and giving me a chance.

“We all have a long day tomorrow, you should get some rest.” He tells me and I give him a nod before walking away towards the barn.

I don’t want to sleep in the loft. I do have my own privacy in a way so I can’t complain much. But, I was hoping that maybe Pops would have told me at the last minute that I had a place in the house. But, he didn’t say a thing so that’s out of the window.

I enter the barn just as Ginoza walked out and if I hadn’t reacted on reflex we would have knocked into each other. I smoothly avoided collision. He didn’t look at me. He just kept on walking towards the house and I can’t help but have this feeling that he’s avoiding me somehow.

I just don’t get it, all day he’s been ignoring me like I’m not even there. Like earlier he just walked past me with zero cares while I was stacking up bales of hay. I just don’t understand why. I didn’t do anything to him. This morning we seemed to have connected to each other as I was practicing riding on Cherry. After that, it’s like he did a whole three sixty.

It’s weird, the moment that I laid my eyes on Ginoza I just felt drawn to him. I want to be near him all the time and I don’t know why but I crave him. I want to hold him, I want to impress him and show him that I can hold my ground on this ranch. That I’m not just this city boy. That I can do this life too and when he told me that I had been right, deep down I wanted to celebrate. I want him to acknowledge me as his equal and yet he just tries to distance himself from me and I just don't know why…

Anyway no used thinking about Ginoza at this hour, I’ll figure something out tomorrow. I’m beat and my body just wants to hit the mattress and sleep. There isn’t an inch on my body that doesn’t hurt…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting people asking me about who Pops (The grandfather) is in this fic and I figured it would be an easy guess so I'll say it here at the end. It's Masaoka and yes in this Alternate Universe he's being portrayed as Gino's grandpa and not as his dad for a good reason that I won't say why cause you know spoilers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Kougami**

Last night wasn’t so bad; it was a lot warmer in the loft than I expected it to be.

Once the barn doors were closed, the heat didn’t escape much. Actually it pretty much remained within the wood structure. Even though it might be hard to believe I needed to make a small crack in my window to allow some cool air in. It was so hot otherwise.

I never would have believed that horses could produce just as much heat as an actual heater. I must say that I'm impressed but I had the hardest time to fall asleep, not because of the horses though. 

I was aching everywhere and my mind just kept on wandering instead of going into a slumber. So, I ended up spending some time with Tempest instead.

That horse is just so gorgeous. When the moonlight shone directly onto him last night, it was just amazing. He looked like he was pure silver. The moment he saw me, he came closer and stuck his head out of his stall as if he was inviting me to stroke his head.

Never in my life have I ever had an animal be so eager to see me. I guess I just couldn’t wait for the next day when I could saddle him up to ride him.

This morning, it’s much cooler than yesterday which I don’t mind at all. By what Pops said during breakfast when he was watching the weather, it should be warm today. Not as bad as it was yesterday though but warm enough which I’m more than glad about.

“So Shinya is going to be tending to the fences I hear. Does that mean that’s what you’ll also be doing grandpa?” Mika asks as she puts the eggs back into the fridge.

“No, Kou will do that on his own. I have something else that needs my attention today.” Pops replies without taking his eyes off his newspaper.

“Grandpa we have over six hundred acres of land, Shinya can’t manage that all by himself. He’ll get lost; he doesn’t know his way around here yet.” Mika protests and I almost choked on my orange juice when she mentioned exactly how much land that Pops owns.

More than six hundred acres of land!? 

You can’t be fucking serious! That’s how huge Heartland is!? I mean why do you need to have so much land? It’s crazy! It’s insane! But, I hold my tongue. It’s not my place to question such things but damn that’s a lot of land for just one man.

“Nobuchika you’ll help him will you?” Mika further asks, turning her attention towards Ginoza who just finished eating his breakfast.

“Can’t. Lysa is tied to the ranch today so she can’t come pick up Princess so I’ll be driving her up to Fairfield myself.” Ginoza states so I’ll assume that he’ll be gone all morning. Fairfield isn’t exactly Heartland’s neighbor. To be honest though, I find it strange that such a high class ranch is doing business with Heartland. I mean yeah Heartland clearly makes a fair amount of money but Fairfield is on a whole other level.

“I have enough on my plate as it is-”

“Mika, I’ve told Kou what he needs to be doing and how to do it and I have uttermost faith that he’ll be fine until I get back.” Pops gently cuts Mika off.

Pops trusts me a lot and that makes me proud. I’m glad to know that someone actually depends on me for once. I can’t say that I hated how Mika was arguing for my sake either. I liked that, it felt great.

My job today is quite simple. All I have to do is ride along the barb wire fences and inspect their durability. Then I have to determine if some can last another month or if they need immediate replacement. Afterwards, I must give Pops my verdict about which part of the fences that need priority work. And, like Pops told me earlier this morning. Just let Tempest guide my way. He’ll bring me back home if I tell him to so I don't need to worry. I know that I’m going to ace this today and I’ll be able to show off at Ginoza once he gets back.

“I can saddle up a horse before I go.” Ginoza offers and I can just imagine which horse he has in mind for me. I have a feeling that Pops hasn’t told him that I’ll be taking Tempest out for this job. I’m not exactly sure how to respond to his offer.

“That will be fine Nobuchika. I assigned Kou a horse for this job and he’ll saddle up his own horse around here.” Pops answers and I’m relieved that I didn’t have to come up with a bogus story.

Ginoza simply shrugs it off as he takes his dirty dishes to the kitchen sink and walks out the door without saying another word.

I can’t tell what his mood is today. Today, I just can’t read him at all. The worst part is that I can’t tell if he hates me or not and that bothers me since I don’t know where I stand with Ginoza. I know I’ll get along well with Mika and I kicked it off well with Pops but if Ginoza doesn’t like me then I’ll have a problem. I still have to work with him and that will be hard to do if he can’t stand me. The thing is that if he does hate me, what the hell did I do?

Anyway, I have to admit though that he does look good today again. He’s just wearing a simple long sleeved black cotton shirt with matching black jeans. Nothing fancy but damn! He pulls it off so good. 

His shirt is more form fitting and his build is just so slender and delicate. He’s got broad shoulders to masculinize his appearance but fuck! Ginoza is hot.

I wonder if Pops made it known to him that he’s aware about the bite that he received yesterday. My guesses though by how Ginoza is dressed, it can only mean that he’s still hiding it. He probably thinks that he’s got Pops’ completely fooled, if only he knew…

I can’t help but wonder how that injury is looking this morning. I just have this ongoing fear that it will become infected and that Ginoza will fall ill. I know I tended to the wound properly so it shouldn’t get infected but I just can’t help but worry.

I get up and clean my dishes. I thank Mika for the breakfast that she had prepared for me before heading outside. 

Ginoza is already leading that white mare into a trailer without any problems. Once she's in, he closes the large metal doors of the trailer. Once the trailer is securely locked and good to go, he hops into the truck and off he goes.

I waste no time walking over to the barn and there is. My boy already waiting for me like he knew I was going to come to get him at any moment. Tempest, he’s not like the other horses. He’s smart and it’s like he can read you and can actually understand you without even saying a single word. It’s really something and I still can’t believe that this is going to be my horse all summer.

Cherry is nickering in her stall like she wants my attention. Or maybe she’s trying to tell me that she wants me to take her out for a ride. But, too bad too sad I’m going to cheat on Cherry with Tempest. It’s a no contest what so ever, Tempest is the obvious winner here.

She does a loud neigh as I let the old stallion out of his stall. Tempest does his own little nicker almost as if the two are conversing with each other. Maybe even teasing one another which is amusing. It’s interesting. It's also quite funny to witness this unique conversation that I have no idea what it means.

I lift a saddle only to put it back down again. I recall something that Ginoza had said yesterday morning. About how you must always brush the horse before saddling it up for a ride. 

The reason for that is apparently because horses sweat when you ride them. If there is any loose hair, it clumps up. Then the horse tries to shake it off even if you’re on them. I guess it’s understandable, I mean it must be annoying too.

Ginoza brushes all the horses in the morning which makes them ready to ride throughout the day. I seriously doubt it that he had the time to do so before he left for Fairfield. I’ll assume that Tempest right here hasn’t been brushed yet so I should do that before saddling him up.

I look around and I don’t have to search long before I found the brushes for the horses. Everything from reigns, saddles, brushes and so on are all in perfect order. 

Mika had told me that Ginoza is the one who manages these things. It’s one of his jobs around here and he also has the job of ordering food and such for the horses. 

For a while yesterday. I thought that Ginoza didn’t do anything other than training horses and doing what he likes. He does more than what it looks like. It’s just that what he does just doesn’t show and that’s a shame but I guess it works for him.

Tempest takes a step closer towards me as if he just wants to be brushed all over so badly and I eagerly do so. I carefully stroke his body, not wanting to hurt or scare him but he’s behaving like a pro. To be honest, I’m actually enjoying this a lot and from what I can tell. From his sighing and occasional nicker he’s also enjoying this too.

Once I’m satisfied that I brushed him enough. I reach for a saddle blanket and I notice something poking out on the other side. Looks like a piece of wood that became a stray is stuck in the blanket. 

I pull the splinter out and carefully inspect for anything else that could be stuck in it just in case. But, it doesn’t seem to be any more so I lay it on Tempest’s back near the shoulders. Then I reach for a rich brown saddle only to put it down again when another saddle catches my eyes. 

It’s a shiny black saddle with silver trimmings like his halter. I pick it up, Tempest nods his head followed by another nicker as if he’s trying to tell me that this is indeed his saddle. I lay it on top of the saddle blanket.

The girth straps come hitting down to the ground and I carefully fasten the belts tightly but not too tight. I remember how Ginoza had done it yesterday with the black horse Nymeria. 

Anyway, much to my pleasure Tempest has been just so cooperative with me all the way. I think he might be even more excited to come riding with me this morning than I had first thought.

I proceed to tighten the tie strap through the dee ring to keep the saddle in place. It also serves to prevent it from falling off later when I’ll be riding. 

I must say, for my first time saddling up a horse I’m proud of myself. I did exactly the same thing Ginoza did yesterday and I’m confident that I did great. And, by Tempest he seems to be quite confident about my saddling skills too.

I then put on the bridle over Tempest’s head and secure the reigns to his halter and I’m done. I then lead him out of the barn and then proceed to mount him, ignoring the pain in my thighs and crotch as I do so.

Just as Tempest started walking away, I see Pops leaving the house and getting into his truck. I hear the engine start and he drives off. I just can’t help but wonder what he has to do that is so important right now. But hey! I know I still have a lot to learn here so I’m sure whatever Pops needs to do. It has to be important otherwise he'd be doing this with me that's without a doubt.

**XXX**

* * *

**XXX**

I’m not exactly sure how long I’ve been riding but so far every barb wire fences I’ve seen need to be replaced. The worst part, I can’t tell which one should be replaced first. The posts are crooked and obviously old, many of them are starting to rot also and that’s just not good.

Pops might not be too happy when I’ll tell him what I saw but it needs to be done. To be honest though, I’m enjoying my work much more this morning than yesterday. 

For a starter, Tempest can’t even be compared to Cherry. God! If I didn’t know any better I’d say that Ginoza was trying to kill me yesterday. Tempest doesn’t trots with a bounce. He trots smoothly and calmly which my crotch is rather thankful for.

If I had to give Tempest a title, I would call him the Cadillac of horses when it comes to riding. He’s awesome! And Cherry... Well Cherry would be a Corvette. That god damn car rides like it has no suspensions which resembles that horse pretty well.

“You must be the new stable hand at Heartland!”

I look over my shoulder to see a kid riding a regular looking brown horse with brown reddish hair himself. Well more ginger looking than reddish brown with a goofy grin on his face. I guess word goes by fast around here.

“Yeah…” I say, not bothering to give the kid much attention after all I’m not here to talk. 

I’m here to work and Pops gave me this specific task to do on my own so he’s confident that I’ll get the job done right. The last thing I want to do is to disappoint him.

“Wow! That’s old Tempest! You’re riding old Tempest how did you managed to do that?” He asks a bit too energetically as he speeds up his horse to ride up beside me much to my annoyance.

“He lets me ride him, end of story. No big deal.” I answer back hoping that he’ll get the message but unfortunately he doesn’t.

“No big deal!?” He blurts out and continues, “Did you know that Tempest only ever allowed Mariam or Gino to ride him and no one else? Hell this old guy wouldn’t even let anyone brush him if it wasn’t Mariam or Gino.”

“I don’t know. He just warmed up to me yesterday when I was working on repairing the fence for the Pasture and he was always on my heels. I have nothing else to say.” I tell him honestly.

I don’t know why Tempest warmed up to me the way that he did. I don’t know why he would pick up a hammer on the ground with its mouth whenever I needed it. I just don’t know but he did and that’s the only thing that matters right now. 

I know it’s strange since I’ve only been at Heartland for a day. There shouldn’t be any reason about why Tempest even chose me out of all people. It’s strange but right now I don’t care about going all philosophical on this. There are more pressing matters to deal with at the moment.

“So what are you doing out here?” He asks and I wish that he would just go away already. God does this kid ever just shut the hell up?

“Working.” I answer simply and continue inspecting the fences and they are just in poor condition. If you ask me, I would start from the ranch and move onward further away from the property. I think that would be our best bet, at this point they all need to be changed at an equal level.

“I’m Shusei Kagari by the way.” He says and I honestly couldn’t care less. “My parents are renting a house a bit down from here. Well more like renting a property and they built a house on it but it belongs to Masaoka anyway.” He further tells me not like it’s any of my business anyway.

So Pops rented out a piece of his land to a couple. I guess it’s not a bad idea but I’m not exactly sure allowing someone to rent a lot and then build a house on it is a good idea. I guess he’s got so much land that he probably doesn’t care or even knows what to do with it all at this point. I guess it must be something like me. Pops must have given them some sort of second chance or an helping hand so who am I to judge.

“Shinya Kougami.” I introduce myself in turn much to Kagari’s joy.

“This is Copper. He was found abandoned and brought to Heartland for rehabilitation and-”

“And Ginoza worked his magic…” I finish him off.

I’m starting to know this whole story a bit too well by now. It's to the point that it’s becoming rather boring. To be honest though, I guess the main reason that it bores me isn’t because it’s always the same thing with different scenarios. I guess I’m kind of jealous that those damn horses are getting more attention from Ginoza than I am…

“Yeah but I also helped. Copper just adored me. Gino was able to do more progress with my help. So, Copper stays at Heartland permanently and I do sweat equity to pay for him.” Kagari tells me.

Now that’s something new. I have to say that’s not a bad way to buy a horse on a ranch. So, Pops does have some help around a little but I guess since Kagari is just a kid-.  Well, I’d give him fifteen max. He can’t be around to help out much so I better start getting used to Kagari this summer. I’m sure he’ll be around a lot now that school is over.

“I’m heading back to the ranch, I’ve seen enough to get the general idea of what shape the fence is in.” I tell him. 

I pull on the reigns to make Tempest turn around when I hear branches cracking. And just as sudden, the horses start panicking. Followed by a vicious growl which further sent Tempest into a wild panic. 

Before I could do anything, I felt my body being swung off the horse’s back. Colliding hard onto the ground cutting my breath short and all I could see was black.

I hear Kagari yelling in the distance as my vision slowly start returning to normal. I slowly get up onto my feet as I feel my chest. I feel sore but I don’t think I injured myself when I fell face first into the ground.

“Kougami.” I hear Kagari’s voice. It’s lacking that energetic tone he had only a few minutes ago and I know whatever it is, it can’t be good.

I turn around towards the source of his voice only to find him crouching on the ground next to old Tempest who’s lying on its side and I felt my stomach drop into my guts.

This can’t be happening; no this didn’t just happen…

“Is he okay!?” I ask frantically as I rush to Tempest’s side. Ignoring the sharp pain in my legs but Kagari shook his head in silence.

Tempest isn’t moving. All that’s moving is his eyes as he looks around and then stares at me for a bit and then looks back around. His breathing is steady, not hard but I can feel that he’s in serious pain. 

I don’t see any blood but I know he’s hurt and I fear that his injury might be internal. But, one thing that I do know is that something is seriously wrong. He’s hurt bad. I know he is and it’s all my fault.

“It was a Cougar…” Kagari tells me in a low tone. “Old Tempest went wild when you fell off. Then the cougar was going to attack and old Tempest started kicking and he lost his balance and fell.” Kagari adds as he gently strokes Tempest’s head as he looks nervously around.

I lay my hands on Tempest’s neck and then look around. Searching for the possibility of the cougar being nearby. But, all is quiet with only Copper’s occasional hooves hitting the ground. 

The Cougar can’t be too far. It will be back but when? Tempest must have somehow managed to injure it but when it will come back it will be wild and even more dangerous.

“I think he broke his front legs.” Kagari mutters…

We have to get back to the ranch. It’s out of the question that we can stay out here in the wilderness for too long but I can’t abandon Tempest out here. He’ll be a sitting duck and I can’t ask Kagari to stay with him either while I go get help.

I left the ranch with Tempest, we left together and we’ll go back together. I’ll bring him back home even if it’s the last thing that I do, I’ll get him home…


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Masaoka**

I must say that I should have known better than to trust the words of a good for nothing pile of waste. It was a complete waste of my time. Time that I could have used productively on my land. I could have gotten some needed things done while I still have some extra hands on the land.

I could also have used my morning to drive up to Fairfield with Nobuchika instead. Can't say that I have a peace of mind knowing that he drove there on his own. It probably won't suit too well with Lysa either considering everything that's happened.

God knows how I haven’t had much free time on my hands ever since my daughter died. I haven’t been able to have a good talk with Nobuchika for much too long. He’s been far too distant from everyone since the accident. I can understand that it was a very traumatic event he went through. It all happened just a month ago, everything is still fresh. But, I honestly thought that if I gave him time and his space, he would come out of it on his own but I was wrong. My grandson is not getting any better, he's not improving at all.

Instead of waiting for Nobuchika to come directly to me to talk about what happened that night. I should have brought it up sooner. 

Lysa was right about how Nobuchika would behave after the accident. I didn't want to believe her and I ignored her warnings and advises on how to deal with my grandson. The thing is that I believed that Nobuchika would have been okay in due time. As I hate to admit it, I was terribly wrong but it’s never too late to do the right thing.

I wonder how the morning went for Kou. He was very eager to start the task I gave him and the weather couldn’t have been better either. I’m confident that he did what I asked him to do quite well. I have to say that it’s always good to see young ones take such an active interest in something that does not involve technology for a change.

Kou is eager and willing to learn. He pays attention and carefully listens when you speak to him. I must give it to him that he is very resourceful when he needs to be. 

As I observed him throughout the day, he would often find ways to do a task but in a way that saved him time and effort. It was quite remarkable to see him come up with such fast solutions to unexpected problems. So, I'm confident that he will be good to pull through all summer.

I pass under the Heartland arc and pull up to the house. I see Kou pacing around in circles rather nervously and not too far from the barn I see a horse lying on its side motionless. From the colour I know exactly which one it is and just that knowledge alone pains my heart.

Tempest is a very reliable horse. He’s intelligent and calm. He’s the perfect horse to use to do the job I gave Kou and I know that he isn’t perfect but he’s not reckless with the horses. I know for a fact that this can’t have been just a simple accident. Yes one of my horses is down, but I’m relieved to see that boy is okay.

I step out of the truck once I’ve killed the engine. I take a deep breath to try and recede the ever growing anger that is in me when I know that I wasted my time this morning for nothing. What angers me is the fact that I was needed here. An accident occurred and I wasn’t there to take matters into my own hands. Everything that happened all fell onto Kou’s shoulders.

I slowly start walking towards Kou and I see Kagari is stroking Tempest’s head near the barn with Mika by his side.

“Kou what happened?” I ask as tenderly as I could when I’m inches away from him.

“Pops I swear it was an accident!” He nervously tells me as if he’s afraid that I’ll scold him for what happened.

Am I saddened by the fact that my daughter’s horse is lying on its side, motionless and dying? Yes I am deeply saddened. He was a great horse and a living piece of my daughter that remained but I’m not saddened by that. In the end Tempest was still just a horse and I have more important things to remind me of my daughter. What saddens me is that my grandchildren are losing the last piece that kept their mother alive. That horse was very important to them. Especially to Nobuchika considering what happened that night…

It’s the look in my granddaughter’s eyes that breaks my heart the most. I know that she knows very well what will happen to Tempest and I wish she did not have to witness this.

I quickly scan Kou from head to toe. He doesn’t seem to be injured but his clothes are completely tattered and filthy. The complete opposite of how he looked like when I last saw him this morning. If I didn’t know any better I’d say that he was out in the wilderness for over a week struggling to survive.

“Accidents happen.” I calmly try to reassure him and ask, “Are you hurt?”

“Tempest is-”

“Are you hurt?” I cut him off, raising my voice slightly in hopes to snap him out of his panic.

“No…” He answers as he lowered his gaze.

He’s ashamed for what happened but he doesn’t need to be. I know that he feels guilty for what happened and I understand why he would feel this way but this is how it is on a ranch. 

Accidents can happen and most of the time when they do, they are never small ones. No matter how hard you may have tried to prevent them, it just happens. You need to accept the unfortunate circumstances even though they are not fair and move on.

A horse can always be replaced with another. I know it sounds rather cold but that’s how it is but a person can’t be replaced. Kou could have seriously injured himself out there today on his own. He was lucky, it could always have been worse and I’m just relieved that he’s fine, shaken but fine.

“Good. That’s what’s important.” I tell him as I lay a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to try and reassure him a little. That everything will be fine but I seriously doubt it that Kou will see it that way.

I have noticed that he’s been pushing himself to work as hard as he can in order to try and measure up to my expectations. He’s insecure and isn’t too sure about himself. He's not too sure about where he stands and he probably fears that I might think of him as a lost cause but that sure is a lie.

I saw great potential within that boy the minute that I laid eyes on him yesterday morning. Kou might be a troubled teenager. A delinquent to some but that’s only because he’s never been given a proper chance to prove his worth. He’s never been able to try and actually reach his dreams, to set goals for himself and that’s not right. I won’t let an incident like this to put a dent in his progress here.

“I found a number in the office, I called the vet-”

“Kou! Calm down and tell me exactly what happened.” I cut him off again.

I want him to try and understand that none of this matter right now. All that I care about is to know what exactly happened and his safety. The rest can be handled afterwards. Besides, in the state that he’s in, I can’t jump to anything else until he’s fully regain his composure.

Kou is completely consumed by anxiety from the accident. But, even with all that, he did the right thing by contacting the vet. He had the right idea even though there is absolutely nothing that can be done for Tempest. By the way he's just lying on the ground motionless, he doesn't have long to live I'm afraid. But, I’m still proud of Kou for calling the vet anyway. He was able to do a rational decision considering how anxious he is. He was able to take charge and considering the circumstances, he truly did good. 

There's one thing that puzzles me though. There is absolutely no way that Tempest was able to get here all by itself in his condition. The thought that Kou probably struggled for who knows how long to drag the injured animal back to the ranch. It's enough to send shivers down my spine. It just breaks my heart even more just thinking about it.

Kou is only just sixteen years old with a troubled past. He shouldn’t have to carry this burden on his shoulders. And for that, I deeply regret that he had to go through such a thing on his own. I should have been there.

“I was inspecting the fences like you told me to. Everything was going fine. Then Kagari showed up and all was good and then the horses began to panic because of the cougar-”

“Are you both alright!?” I quickly ask cutting his story short when he mentioned a cougar and I look over to Kagari and back to Kou alarmed.

“Kagari is fine. I fell off and slammed onto the ground but I’m okay. Tempest fell. I didn’t see how it happened… Kagari thinks he broke his front legs.” Kougami answers a bit too frantic in my opinion. But, he’s starting to calm down a little compared to how he was only a few minutes ago so it’s going good.

No alerts about a Cougar being sighted in the area have been raised lately. Now I’m angrier at myself for not being there myself. The very thought of these kids having been near such a dangerous animal is enough to scare me to death. They could have been killed and I had been the one that sent Kou on his own to begin with. If I had known that there was a cougar lurking about, I never would have allowed Kou to go out alone. I wouldn’t have allowed him to go out at all until the wild cat was caught.

As long as that boy is under my roof he’s my responsibility. Anyone who are on my land is my responsibility and I’ll be damn if someone gets injured on my watch.

I walk towards the fallen horse with Kou in tow. Tempest had been so grand in its younger days and now he’s just an empty shell of its former glory. He’s now old but he had a good life here in Heartland. He was born in my barn and it’s only fitting that it should end here. I helped to deliver him into this world and it’s time that I help to deliver him from his pain…

His breathing is slow and steady but he’s going a little bit at a time. He won’t last another hour. I’ve seen this way too many times before without the need of the vet’s verdict to know that it’s over…

One would think that after so many times of being faced with a similar situation, you’d get used to it. You do in a way but it still doesn’t make it any easier when you’re stuck playing god. 

The fact still remains. The emotional ties are still there and when you love these animals with all your heart. It’s impossible to not get attached to them and Tempest was special. He was very special for all of us.

Horses are strong and capable animals. They can do such amazing things when you consider their size. They are agile and they can carry their massive weight around without losing any of their speed and agility. But, that’s the problem with these majestic animals. When they fracture a bone, it doesn’t just break. It shatters which makes it impossible to repair.

“Pops, he’s going to be okay right?” Kou asks and I feel all three set of eyes are on me, waiting for an answer that I just can’t give them.

The sound of a growling engine catches my attention and I see Jouji’s truck coming this way. It quickly comes to a halt before the engine goes quiet and he steps out of his truck. I give him a light head shake just as the sound of a second engine catches my ears much to my dismay. It would have been better if Nobuchika had not been here during what I have to do. The timing is just terrible but I have to end Tempest's suffering. I can't wait anymore.

“All three of you, inside.” I order but I can’t look at any of them as I do so.

None of them are willing to move but they do after Mika takes charge and urges Kagari to follow her. They pull Kou along with them towards the house as I walk over to my truck, leaving Nobuchika to Jouji to handle. I don't have to say a word about what I want him to do he just knows.

“What’s wrong?” Nobuchika asks me as the truck came to a stop before he laid his eyes onto the fallen horse. “What’s wrong with Tempest!?” He further asks with a nervous tone as he stepped out of the truck after he killed the engine.

“Inside Nobuchika.” I order as I take out my rifle and start loading the gun with a heavy heart in my chest for knowing what I have to do. 

It’s the part that I despise the most but this is my land. It's one of my horses and if there’s someone who has to put one of them out of their misery it will be me who will do it.

“No! Grandpa you can’t!” He exclaims just as Jouji wrapped his arms around him in order to keep my grandson from coming any closer. “Please! He’ll get better, you can’t kill him!” He further begs as tears come rolling down his cheek and I have to look away.

With difficulty Jouji manages to drag Nobuchika farther away towards the house. All that I hear is his pleading and begging for me to reconsider my decision to kill the fallen stallion.

The truth is that I don’t want to kill my daughter’s horse. If I had any other choice, I wouldn’t go through with this but I’m left with only one option and it’s to end its suffering. God knows that he’s suffered long enough already.

The gravel under my feet sound somewhat distant with each step that I take. My feet feels heavy as I come closer to the horse and all that fills my ears is my grandson’s cries. It pains my heart knowing that my grandchildren are hurting in this very moment because of what I need to do. They’ve endure enough pain to last a lifetime. I wish I could shelter them so they never have to feel any more of it but I can’t and it wouldn’t be right on my part. Pain is part of life, you must embrace it so you can learn from it but it doesn’t make it any easier.

My heart pains with each heavy step that I make. It feels as if everything has suddenly stopped. That I’m moving in slow motion as I stand over the once magnificent animal that had once belonged to my beloved daughter. I know it’s the only compassionate thing I can do for him now and that is to take all the pain away.

His eyes, looking straight through me almost as if begging me to end it all. To end his long suffering and loneliness. As if he’s asking me to end his life just so he can be reunited with my Mariam after being apart for so long.

I carefully take aim with my rifle towards its head as I try to ignore the screams in the distance. My finger steady on the trigger and with one deep breath I quickly pull the trigger and it’s over and all went quiet…


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Ginoza**

“Mom, maybe we shouldn’t have done this.” I nervously tell her just as a wild flash of lightning illuminated the dark stormy sky. Followed by a loud cracking thunder.

My heart is still beating like a drum solo and my hands won’t stop shaking no matter how hard I try to keep them still. It doesn’t help that I’m soaken wet and that my hands are cold. But, they refuse to warm up even after mom raised the heat in the truck to warm me up.

The wind has started to pick up and it doesn’t seem like it wants to let up any time soon either. The rain is hitting hard against the windshield and the wipers are on full speed but they are barely managing to keep the glass clear.

“It’s alright Nobuchika. You should never stop yourself from doing the right thing because of fear.” She tells me with no worries at all, no stress and no fear. Like she’s done this a million times already and would probably do it a million times over.

“But…” The word drags on into a mutter as another loud cracking of thunder drowns my voice.

I know the worse is finally over but I can’t shake off this feeling away. I know I’m safe with mom and she’d never let anyone hurt me but I’m scared and I know I shouldn’t be. What we did was right, I know it was so why am I feeling this dread like we shouldn’t have done this?

“Fear is only just a passing thing.” She tells me, taking her right hand off the stirring wheel to lightly stroke my rain soaked cheek. “Everything will be alright, you’ll see.” She says with a gentle smile followed by another violent flash of lighting…

My eyes suddenly jolt wide open as I sit up straight on my bed. Trying to catch my breath, and stop my body from shaking with little success.

I dreamed about that night again. It never leaves me alone no matter how hard I try to forget it or pretend that it didn’t happen but it did and mom’s gone because of me. Everything that’s happened, it was all my fault…

A cool breeze snaps me out of my thoughts as I remember the small crack I had made in my window earlier before I fell asleep. Unlike before there’s a scent in the air being carried by the wind. 

I know that scent all too well and by the feel of the wind. I’d say a storm is brewing in the distance and it’s coming closer and fast. It hasn’t started to rain yet. But, it will soon enough and by how cloudy the night sky is tonight, I’m surprised that it hasn’t started yet.

A light knock catches my attention just as my bedroom door slowly opens and my grandpa enters in my room. He then gently closes it without making much noise.

“Nobuchika we need to talk.” He says killing the silence as he sits down next to me. Ignoring the howling wind caused by the small crack in my window. But, I’m sure it’s annoying him right now even though he pretends not to hear it.

I knew before the night was over that grandpa was going to come pay me a visit after what I did earlier but I wish he hadn’t. I just want to be left alone…

“I don’t want to talk.” I mutter, unable to look him in the eyes because I know I was wrong and I said some things that I shouldn’t have.

I don’t want to talk because I already know what it is that he’s going to tell me. The thing is that I know I was wrong. I knew at the time that it was wrong but I said it anyway and I know I should have held my tongue but I couldn’t stop myself. The words just kept on coming out until I no longer had anything else to say.

I didn’t feel any better after saying all of those hateful things though. Instead of feeling better, I just felt worse about myself. Now, I feel like everything just continues to further crash down all around me. I feel like I’m slowly drowning into a dark abyss and everything just keeps on getting darker as I continue sinking...

“Nobuchika I understand that you’re hurting. You’ve been struggling for a while but it doesn’t excuse you for what you said to that boy today.” Grandpa tells me in his same usual gentle tone.

He’s not mad at me even though he has every right to be. Because of what I said today, Kougami asked grandpa to leave Heartland. He asked if he'd be able to go elsewhere to do his probation. 

Grandpa is going to lose his stable hand that he so desperately needs and it’s all my fault. I just had to say all of those hateful things that I didn’t mean. 

“I’m sorry…” I mutter as I try to keep the tears from escaping but they come rolling down my cheeks ever the same.

“I know you are. Sometimes we often allow our emotions to overwhelm us but words can hurt even if we did not mean them.” Grandpa tells me and he’s right. I can’t say otherwise because I knew better but I still said them because I knew it would hurt Kougami. “Now, get some rest. We’ll talk in the morning and make things right okay. A new day, a fresh start to begin anew.” He further tells me as he wipes my cheeks and I nod.

Grandpa stands up. He does a small stretch before walking over to my window. He looks out a bit and not much of a surprise he shuts it closed before walking out of my bedroom.

The door gently shuts behind him and once again I’m left all alone in my room. I can’t help but stare at the disorganized state that my room has become. I know that I should tidy up but I don’t have the motivation to put my things back in order like it used to be. 

Mom would be the first person to scold me for it. I’m surprised that grandpa hasn’t said anything about it yet but I'm sure he's itching to do so and yet he doesn't…

Ever since mom died, I just feel so lost. All I can do to try to feel as close to her as possible is to continue doing the work that she used to do. It helped a little but every time I seem to manage to surface a bit more from the suffocating abyss. There’s always something to pull me straight back down but only deeper than I originally was.

I get up and pace around my room a bit before stopping in front of my desk . I pick up the wooden picture frame of mom. She's resting her head beside Tempest’s head as he was coming out of the trailer. It was right after coming home from a successful cattle drive a few months after my step dad had died.

One of grandpa’s friends needed some extra help to round up his herd. Grandpa had suggested to mom that she should go and he would be more than glad to watch over us while she was away. He kept saying that it would be good therapy for her and he was right like usual.

I remember when mom came back home after the cattle drive, she was genuinely happy. It had been the first time I had seen her truly happy after my step dad had died and since then, I had never seen her sad. 

Mom had been so strong for Mika and me. Even Mika’s dad was good to us both. I wasn’t his kid but he never treated me any differently than he did with Mika. To him, I wasn’t his step son. I was his son and he never wasted a moment to remind me of that and I miss him so much.

I miss them both… I miss when we were one big happy family and everything was well and there was nothing to worry about…

I gently place the wooden frame back onto my desk and turn my gaze towards my bedroom window. It looks like the wind is slowly starting to pick up and my guesses that it should start raining any minute now. It won’t last long though, if we do get some rain that is. 

It’s still cloudy outside but most have been carried away by the wind. Somewhere else will get most of it instead of Heartland much to my relief. I don’t want to endure another storm, not tonight anyway…

The sound of a door closing down the hall is without a doubt grandpa who’s gone to bed. I quickly reach for a pair of sneakers as I listen for any other possible noises while I put them on. Once I’m done, and I’m positive that grandpa has indeed gone to bed. I tiptoe to my door and gently open it. Trying my best to make as little noise as possible as I step out of my room and into the hall.

I gently close the door before tiptoeing down the hall and then down the stairs. Magically for once, they didn’t creek to give me away. But, making my way through this house when it’s almost pitch black is kind of hard to do. On the positive note, I somehow managed to reach the front door without walking into something or make any noises. If grandpa would have heard me make my way downstairs. He definitely would have forced me back into my room until morning.

With the cougar still on the loose, grandpa doesn’t want anyone out at night. All farm animals must be kept inside the barn or a solid structure until morning. This protocol will remain in effect until authorities catches or kills the cougar. But, to be honest I don’t care if I come face to face with the cougar. Besides, with my luck, I won’t run into it because it’s me. If it were Mika or anyone else that I’m close to, of course they would come in contact with it but not me…

**XXX**

* * *

**Chapter 6.5**

**Kougami**

I don’t know what I would have done if Kagari had not been there with me. There was no way I could have been able to drag Tempest back to the ranch all by myself. I would have had to leave him alone to get another horse and the supplies that I would have had needed to transport him. While I would have been gone, who knows what would have happened to him. The cougar probably would have come back to finish the job and get its feeding that's for sure.

The logical thing I should have done was to take Kagari and go back to the ranch immediately. But, there was no way I could have left Tempest out there to die all alone to a fucking cougar of all things. I just couldn’t abandon him like that but I still can’t believe that actually happened. 

Everything was going so great. I was rocking this and everything was going so fine and just like that everything turned sour. It all ended up in a total nightmare in a matter of seconds.

Kagari told me that when I fell on the ground. The cougar had its eyes locked onto me and was about to charge when Tempest went wild. He was just trying to protect me from it and he did managed to give that beast one hell of a stomp before it fled back into the woods. But, Tempest somehow lost his footing and slammed head first into the ground causing him to break his front legs in the process.

The ground was uneven. He must have thought the ground was steady, there must have been a camouflaged hole somewhere. I don't know, but what I do know is that it caused the disaster and the next thing we all knew he was lying on his side in pain. He was unable to move due to his broken front legs and in that moment I remembered what Pops had told me the night before. How Tempest had once belonged to Ginoza’s mom, he was all he had left of her and now he was gone because of me.

Tempest didn’t try to struggle when Kagari and I got a tarp under him. He kept perfectly still when we used Cherry and Copper to pull the tarp like he knew what we were trying to do. As if he was content that we didn’t just leave him behind to die all alone. 

Luckily we were able to get back to the ranch without any further incidents. But, the real damage had already been done.

I can still hear Ginoza’s cries as if he was still screaming at this very moment. I can still hear him begging. Pleading for Pops to reconsider his decision while Saiga held on tightly. 

The sound of the gun shot had sent shivers down my spine and that’s when Ginoza’s pleading stopped. A short silence filled the room and then a fit of blinding rage suddenly took over him. His vibrant green eyes that seemed so gentle no longer had such gentleness in them. If eyes had the ability to kill, I’d probably be dead.

He never gave me the chance to explain myself and all I could do was stand there as he kept on shouting at me. Immediately accusing me for taking Tempest when he had told me not to the day before. That it was all my fault that Tempest was dead. That I didn’t care about the old stallion at all or about anyone’s feelings and that all I cared about was myself. That I was a no good waste of space and that I should be confined in jail instead of having the rights to work here at Heartland. That I didn’t belong here other than jail, to be with the rest of my kind and it went on until Saiga lost his grip of Ginoza.

I was certain that he would have hit me in his rage but he didn’t. instead, he bolted upstairs and the last thing I heard from him was the banging of a door and all went quiet. No one dared say a word after that…

A sudden noise outside snaps me out of my thoughts followed by some sort of disturbance downstairs. I quickly jump up to my feet and grab a metal rod that was near the door.

If that damn cougar decided to come all the way over here to Heartland. I’ll fucking kill it for the pain it caused to everyone. I’ll kill it for making Ginoza so upset that he wasn’t himself anymore. For making Mika cry. For endangering Kagari and, for forcing Pops to kill the horse that had once belonged to his daughter. Knowing full well the pain it would have caused to his grand-kids. It must have broked his heart but he did it anyway because it was needed. It had to be done and no one else could do it but him.

I carefully open the door of my loft. I tiptoe down the wooden staircase. Holding the metal rod tightly in my hands ready to defend myself and the horses if need be. But, once I reached the bottom of the barn, there was nothing.

The barn doors are close exactly as I left them. None of the windows are opened either. All the horses are perfectly calmed as if nothing is wrong but I know I heard something. I know I didn’t just imagine it.

I look around carefully as I step closer to the stalls when one of them catches my eyes. I could have sworn that I had closed each one before retreating upstairs. Or, maybe I’m more exhausted than I initially thought from today’s fiasco. I must have simply forgot just one which is odd but oh well. I might as well close it now while I’m down here.

I take a step forward only to freeze up when I see the name on the stall door and I gently put down the metal rod…

That’s right. Pops didn’t remove the wooden plaque that read Tempest’s name off the horse’s old stall. But, I can’t believe that someone came out in the middle of the night. Especially after Pops warned us all to remain indoors until morning. Not to mention that there is definitely a storm brewing and it keeps on getting closer.

I take a deep breath and walk up closer only to feel my heart skip a beat. I should have known but somehow I was hoping that it would have been Mika and not Ginoza. 

I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised that he’s here but he’s just sitting in the center of the stall with Tempest’s old halter in his hands. Just staring blankly at it with puffy eyes, obviously he’s been crying.

“Hey…”I say catching his attention only slightly.

I can’t tell if I caught him by surprised or if he heard me coming as I came down the stairs. Or maybe he was expecting me to eventually find him here. Anyway, it’s rather sad seeing him sitting in the middle of an empty stall all by himself. Especially when it should be occupied at this very moment if it hadn’t been for that damn cougar. 

As much as I wish I could go back in time and try to prevent what happened, I can’t... I wish I could. I really do.

“Hey…” He mutters, returning his gaze upon the black halter.

Pops would be furious if he knew that Ginoza had disobeyed him and had left the safety of the house just to come moping in Tempest’s old stall. But, I can understand why he would come here though. However, it doesn’t mean that it was smart on his part. He could have been attacked before he’d even reach the barn; it was careless as if he has a death wish or something.

“You shouldn’t be here-”

“I’m sorry…” He mutters over me and I can’t help but smile a little.

“Don’t worry about it.” I reply back as I step into the stall, closer to Ginoza.

“Are you going to leave because of me?” He asks after a moment of silence, removing his gaze from the halter and directs it towards me.

I didn’t think that he had heard me say that to Pops but thinking about it now. I must have sounded like a total idiot in Pops eyes for wanting to leave just because I had come face to face with a problem. Especially when it could simply be fixed just by waiting it out a little and then talk it out.

“No... I thought about it though. Thought maybe it be best if I left considering everything that's happened but Pops talked me out of it.” I tell him and I still can’t believe that I had to make Pops talk me into staying when it was only natural that I should stay.

I know what happened today was an accident; I know it wasn’t my mistake or Kagari’s. I didn’t do anything wrong. The saddle was properly fastened and the halter rightly placed. My movements were soft and gentle just like Ginoza had shown me. I did everything right. But, I wasn’t prepared for a cougar to just show up out of nowhere like that. 

Pops later told me. If he had known that such an animal was lurking about on his land. He never would have allowed me to go out there on my own in the first place.

“I didn’t mean what I said. I shouldn’t have said all of those things…” Ginoza admits and I sit down next to him.

I knew that he hadn’t meant a single word he had said back then. Anyone who’s that emotional during such a tragedy will say things that they’ll quickly regret afterwards. I probably would have done the exact same thing in his position. Maybe even worse so I can’t blame Ginoza for his actions or be mad at him but part of what he did tell me back there was true.

For so long all I cared about was myself. I didn’t care if my actions would cause other people pain. As long it made me feel good, I didn’t give a shit about how others felt. 

I was always so angry. All the time but ever since coming here I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. All that rage is slowly washing away.

I never wanted to be anywhere, I didn’t feel like I belonged no matter where I went but this place is different. I feel like I do belong here and I want to make things work, I don’t want to be that guy that I was a few months ago anymore.

“You were upset and I can’t blame you or be mad either.” I tell him and add, “He was your mom’s horse, I know he meant a lot to you and I’m sorry that I couldn’t save him.”

“You brought him home when you could have just left him out there but you didn’t.” He softly says, returning his gaze back onto the halter.

“He didn’t deserve to die all alone. He deserved much more than that; I just couldn’t leave him there.” I say and just the thought of Tempest being eaten alive sends chills down my spine.

With his front legs broken, there was no way he could have put up a fight. The cougar would have sank its sharp fangs into Tempest’s flesh not caring that he was still alive or not. He had suffered more than enough; I couldn’t allow that to happen.

“He was a great horse, he made me love riding you know and we were doing great too thanks to your awesome teaching.” I tell him and a sad smile forms on his lips only to fade away just as it came but at least he smiled a little. Even if it was just for a second.

“He was all I had left of my mom, now I have nothing…” He mutters.

“I know that it might not mean much right now but it’s not true. A part of her still lives on, you just can’t see it because you’re still grieving your loss.” I tell him as I reach for the halter and slowly pull it towards me as I try to remove it out of Ginoza’s hands gently.

“Kougami it’s not one of those times…” He replies sadly, tightening his grip on the leather strap.

“Idiot. Your mom lives on, in both you and your sister. In a way, a part of her lives on in Pops as well and there’s something else that only you have.” I further tell him as I manage to free the halter from Ginoza’s fingers.

I know it’s cruel but he can’t dwell on things that can’t be undone. Even if he continues sitting in Tempest’s old stall, clinging to his old halter, it won’t bring him back. In a way, as long he has things that will remind him of the old silver horse, Ginoza will never move forward.

I know the halter holds sentimental value but for the time being. I think it be best that the halter and everything that solemnly belonged to Tempest should disappear from Ginoza’s sight. Just for a while at least.

“What’s that?” He asks with a hint of annoyance in his tone and that’s to be expected. He wasn’t really ready to part with the halter and I forced him to but it’s for his own good.

“Gino from what I hear around here, you got your mom’s gift with horses and that’s something no one can take away.” I quickly say when it occurred to me that I shortened his name without even thinking and now I’m hoping that I didn’t somehow offend him. “Sorry, I didn’t think. Is Gino okay?” I quickly apologized. Hoping that I was quick enough to undo whatever damaged that might have been caused just now.

“My friends call me Gino…” He tells me in a gentle tone.

“Does that mean we’re friends now?” I ask a bit teasingly as I try to change the mood a bit.

“Maybe.” He answers back and I felt a little bit of playfulness in his tone just now as he spoke that single word which is good. I need him to be happy again but I know that it won’t be any time soon but this is a good start.

It’s weird, it’s like all of this somehow brought us a bit closer. Gino is somewhat less distant from me now and I like that, I like that a lot.

“My friends call me Kou, I guess now we’re even.” I shoot back at him. Hoping that it might help to brighten his mood a little bit more but the slight happiness he had managed to get only a few seconds ago has already vanished like it never happened.

I guess this will be harder than I thought...

What could have scarred him so badly? I know it can’t just be the fact that Tempest is dead or that his mom just died a month ago; it’s much more than that. Of course those things didn't help but there's something else going on around here.

“Gino… Can I know what happened to your mom? How did she die?” I dare ask but it's something that I have to know. I didn't dare ask Pops or Mika earlier out of respect but in order to better understand Gino, I need to know.

“Car accident…” He mutters the words with a pained tone as he stared blankly into nothingness.

I often hear people say that sickness is the worse form of killing someone. And maybe they’re right, since it’s a slow death for the person dying from it but to those who are left around you. Sickness isn’t the worst form of killing.

For those who are left behind. They simply watch you die and yes it's hard but they know that their loved one is going to die eventually. It's just a matter of time.

Once they have passed on. A sense of relief takes over your body because you know that they are no longer suffering. Just knowing that makes you happy that they’ve passed on. Yes you still miss them but just knowing that they are no longer in any sort of pain makes mourning that much easier to do.

When it comes to murder or accidents, it’s always sudden. You never expect it. You can’t brace yourself mentally so it makes it very hard to come to terms with the death of a loved one.

I can understand why Gino has a hard time coping with his mom’s death. But, I have a feeling that there is more to his mom’s accident that I’m aware of.

“Gino? What is it?” I calmly ask as I gently place my hand on his shoulder and add, “Talk to me, what’s weighing you down?”

“My mom always told me to stay away from the Mulherin farm. That it was a dangerous place. One day, I was out riding and a storm was brewing fast. So, I took a shortcut through the Mulherin’s property and I heard the cries of a horse and the sound of chains hitting flesh. I knew it was a horse being tortured so I sped home and told my mom about what I had heard.” He recounts a bit numbly and continues after a few seconds. “After I told her about what I heard. There was no way that she was going to let that horse stay there for another night. Grandpa wasn’t around at the time, only me so I went with her…”

Pops did give me a strong warning to never wander off the property. It took me a bit of effort not to laugh at that since Pops owns over six hundred acres of land so I honestly doubt it that I could wander off it. But, it must have been his way of warning me to not wander off to the Mulherin’s farm. It makes sense; I don’t think I’d want to go near that place if they beat horses over there.

“What happened?” I ask as I try to coax Gino to continue talking but at the same time trying not to be pushy. 

“We drove to the Mulherin farm. It was pretty late and the storm kept getting stronger by each passing minute. We got to the horse but not without a mild confrontation from Mulherin himself. My mom took care of it by threatening to alert the police about animal neglect so we took the horse and left.” Gino further recounts.

“There was no violence?” I ask.

“No… We drove away but we didn’t make it back to Heartland.” He answers and I can feel him starting to shake slightly under my touch.

“Gino?” I say his name and with each silent minute that passed. The reality of what happened that night hits me even harder. We... It wasn't she. It was we, Gino was there and that makes things even worse.

“It was raining hard and part of the road started eroding away. We couldn’t see very well and we drove right into it.” He tells me and continues after a bit of silence. “The truck spiraled out of control and we lost the trailer at one point. The last thing I remember is colliding into a tree.”

“I’m sorry…” Was the only thing I could say.

I didn’t know that Gino was with his mom when she died and yet it doesn't surprise me considering how traumatized he is. His mom either died instantly on impact or sometime afterwards in the hospital. Anyway, just knowing that she died due to that accident. I can only imagine what kind of injuries Gino must have received and yet when I look at him. He doesn’t seem to have any injuries. I never would have guessed that he was in an accident a month ago, I guess he was lucky.

Considering that Gino doesn't seem to have received any injuries. I'm left wondering if he was conscious and trapped inside the truck until helped arrive and if he was. Did he watch his mom die from her wounds or was she already dead? Either way, both scenarios is enough to traumatize anyone for life.

“What happened to the horse?” I ask, unable to bring myself to ask about anything else.

“She was fine, a little spooked but alright.” He softly answers. 

At least there’s that. It would have been even sadder if the horse they had tried to save had also perished in that accident. Everything that Gino’s mom had tried to do would have been completely for nothing.

“Gino, I know what you’re thinking and you need to stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t your fault-”

“It is! If I had stayed away from that farm then none of this would have happened. My mom wouldn’t have died; we went out into that storm because of me, because of what I said.” He cuts me off as tears roll down his cheeks.

I knew it. I knew that he blamed himself for his mom’s death and chances are in his mind. He probably believes that Pops and Mika also blames him for what happened too but I know that’s completely false. 

From what I can tell. Both of them seems to be walking on eggshells around Gino. As if both Mika and Pops don't really know what to do with Gino or what to say to him but something needs to be done here. Gino needs help and without even realizing it he's crying for help but no one is listening.

But first, Gino needs to remove that guilt off his shoulders. It’s a heavy burden to bear; it’s a burden that he shouldn’t have to carry. The one who should feel guilt for what happened that night is Mulherin himself for treating his horses so poorly. If he had been a man and had taken proper care of his horses like he should have. Then no one would have had to go out into that storm.

“Gino do you blame me for Tempest’s death?” I ask changing the subject.

“It was the cougar’s fault, it caused Tempest to panic.” He answers as he wipes away his tears with his sleeve.

“It was an unfortunate event that couldn’t be avoided and the same goes for the accident. Gino, I know so many people who have this thrill to take a drive out in storms and nothing ever happens to them. It was a freak accident Gino; you can’t go on blaming yourself for that, okay.” I tell him and I finally get a soft smile and that made my night.

Gino is far too gorgeous to be sad, he glows when he smiles so I’ll do whatever I can to chase away all that sadness away. I want him to be happy, to be truly happy and I know I can’t bring back his mom but I can help to keep him going.

The sounds of hooves catches my attention and before I even knew it. The next thing I see, is a black muzzle sniffing at Gino’s hair for a few seconds before nudging him on the cheek causing Gino to smile a bit as he stroke Nymeria’s muzzle.

“The hell? How did you get out of your stall?” I ask her not like she cared to answer me anyway but I could have sworn that I had locked that stall before I went up to the loft.

I get up to see what Nymeria could possibly have done to her stall and from what I can tell. It looks like she simply unlocked the lock by herself somehow. Afterwards, she then proceeded in letting herself out like a fucking boss. If that’s not smart, I don’t know what is. That horse is simply just amazing.

I return back into the stall to find Gino up on his feet. He's stroking the middle of Nymeria’s forehead and I just can’t help but grin as I watch. That horse is truly something. She could feel that Gino was sad and she was determined to change that by going to him to cheer him up herself. It just shows how much Nymeria loves Gino.

“Gino I know Nymeria can’t replace Tempest but you have one awesome horse right here.” I tell him.

“I know, she’s amazing…” He replies.

“Pops surprised you with her or you grew up with this girl?” I ask him as I take Tempest’s old halter and put it away on top of his old saddle before asking, “First horse?”

“Nymeria is the horse we rescued that night…” Gino answers.

I feel as if my jaw just dropped and all I can do for a few minutes is stare at that pitch black mare which then resulted in Gino laughing at me but damn I’m just speechless. Truly unbelievable! Gino said that the horse they saved was spooked afterwards but Gino must have worked with Nymeria to get her to calm down. Say what you want but Gino really does have a gift with horses, I got my proof right there.

“Wow I had no idea by how calm she is, I figured she had been born here or something.” I admit before continuing. “I can tell that she’s grown quite fond of you in a short period of time. But you see, you have a large piece of your mom right here in the horse that she died to save.”

“I didn’t think about it that way…” Gino admits as he leads Nymeria out of Tempest’s old stall and back into hers.

“I don’t think she’d want you to be sad, Gino.” I tell him as he closes the stall and locks it back up. “I think she’d want you to carry on.” I add.

He gently nods and I have to fight the urge to run my fingers through his hair or to stroke his cheek. That wouldn’t be appropriate to do but damn it’s hard to control myself when I’m in front of him.

“You should get back. I’m sure your absence has already been noted.” I tell him and he nods before walking away and exits the barn.

I watch Gino run back to the house and I only close back the barn door once Gino made it back safely inside and it’s time to retire myself…


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Ginoza**

A loud roaring thunder kept me up pretty much all night. I was barely able to sleep at all but oh well, I guess there are things that are worse than a lack of sleep. Not much use crying about it, I’ll just have to make up for that tonight I guess…

It started raining not long after I got back in the house. It really started pouring down once I retreated back into my room. Luckily for me, grandpa was still sleeping so he probably has no clue that I left the house last night. Hopefully for me, Kougami won’t rat me out to him. If he does, I’ll be in for one hell of a lecture about how irresponsible I was for disobeying him when I knew full well about the cougar still lurking about.

I already know that Kougami ratted me out to grandpa before so I can’t be sure that he won’t do it again much to my dismay. 

He told grandpa about how Princess had bitten me in the barn. Even after I asked him not to say anything about what happened, he did it anyway…

Grandpa never did say how he had found out about how I had gotten bitten though. He just said that he had been aware of it since it had happened but I seriously doubt it. It’s not like he’s got eyes all over the barn. I know it was Kougami that told on me. But, the thing is that I can’t be mad at him for doing so because in a way he wasn’t wrong for telling. I was the one being foolish to begin with. I just didn’t want grandpa to think that I couldn’t handle the horses. That I can also do what mom used to…

I lazily walk down the stairs and go straight to the kitchen where Mika is cooking pancakes. Grandpa is sitting at the table drinking his morning coffee while reading the paper. 

Kougami isn’t here this morning but I can tell that he was not long ago. The evidence of a second dirty plate on the kitchen counter tells me that he was here. He must have gotten up early or he didn’t sleep at all considering how loud the thunder was last night. I seriously doubt it that the loft is isolated from the sounds outside.

“Any words about the cougar having been caught yet?” Mika asks as she finishes cooking the last pancake.

“No. The animal is still at large.” Grandpa answers as he takes a gulp of hot coffee before eyeing me for a few seconds and quickly turns his attention back to his paper. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that he knows about what I did and Kougami ratted me out in the early mornings.

Great... Just great...

“Is Half-Mile Peak off limits?” I ask pouring myself a glass of orange juice, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“You’re not going up there.” Grandpa quickly responds and adds. “Kou found feathers scattered on the ground near the barn in the early morning and we’re missing a hen.”

“Isn’t it unusual for a cougar to come so close to settlements?” Mika asks as she takes a plateful of pancakes and sits down at the table.

“Cougars are nocturnal animals. They’ll hunt for food mostly at night so it’s not surprising that it came this close last night.” Grandpa replies.

I stop myself from saying that we should have a dog or two guarding the property. Especially since I know that it would only spark an argument right away. By all means, I'd rather avoid an argument this morning is it's possible. But, Heartland is basically a free buffet for cougars to come and go as they please. After all, we don’t have any lighting around the property and nothing to keep any wild life away so it should be expected.

Can’t say that I’m the most knowledgeable about cougars since I’m not. I do know that they hunt during the night and it’s usually rare to see them in broad daylight due to the fact that they can easily be seen during the day. But, to cougars it doesn’t matter if it’s in the forest or near a settlement. If there’s an easy prey for them to get that will require a few amount of energy, they’ll go for it.

If the cougar was that close to the ranch last night. I wonder if it was around when I left the barn and went back inside the house. If so, I guess I was lucky…

“I’m taking that it must be Charlotte, we never did figure out how she managed to get out of the chicken coop.” Mika assumes and I can’t say that I don’t agree. It was always a matter of time until Charlotte got caught by something…

“It was. Kougami found where she was coming out from and fixed the chicken fence.” Grandpa confirms ours suspicions but it’s still sad that she died that way. Even if Charlotte was just a chicken, getting eaten by a predator isn’t a good way to go.

I empty my glass in a few gulps and put it in the sink before walking away towards the entrance to put on my boots. All the while, I try to get my thoughts off the nauseating feeling that I woke up with.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Mika quickly asks in a tone as if she’s somewhat offended that I skipped on her pancakes. But, I know it’s only a game to justify her reason to be somewhat dramatic this morning.

“No… I’m not hungry this morning. I don’t even think I could keep anything down even if I wanted to.” I say as I finish tying up my boots and it’s the truth.

I feel a bit ill because I didn’t sleep much last night or the night before that. Fresh air will help make my nausea pass and hopefully I’ll be able to sleep soundly tonight without any problems  but for now I’ll just have to suck it up. I’ve got a few things I want to do today so I can’t afford to take a day off just because I couldn’t sleep much the night before.

“Nobuchika you’re not going up there by yourself.” Grandpa declares and continues with his eyes fixated on me. “One accident was more than enough; I don’t need another one on my hands.”

I want to let out a sigh but I don’t just in case it would spark a never ending argument. But, I guess an argument can’t really be helped on this matter…

I knew that I might face some opposition from grandpa but I was hoping of being able to go to Half-Mile Peak without him noticing. But, I knew that he wouldn’t want me to go alone in the first place and it wasn’t exactly my intention of going alone either.

“So what you’re saying grandpa is that if I’m not alone I can go-?”

“Go where?” Kougami suddenly asks over me causing me to do a small jolt. I didn’t hear him enter the house at all. I just noticed him when he spoke just now. I hope it’s not a regular thing for him because by the end of summer I might die from a heart attack.

“To Half-Mile Peak. It’s not too far from here.” Mika quickly informs Kougami and I can’t say if he’s even interested or not. He just has this uninterested expression on his face like he doesn’t give a damn but I could be wrong…

I wonder exactly when did he get up this morning and I can’t help but wonder if he even slept at all. If he hasn’t, well he hides his fatigue quite well. He doesn’t look tired at all. His resilience is remarkable, he’s got a higher endurance than I do that’s for sure.

“You’ll come with me right?” I quickly ask Kougami before grandpa can say anything.

To be honest I was planning on asking Kougami if he wanted to come with me to Half-Mile Peak to begin with. I just didn’t have the chance to do so yet and I was just about to go find him when grandpa started with his opposition. Luckily for me, Kougami arrived just in the nick of time and like always, Mika’s on my side much to my satisfaction. However, I would have liked to talk about it to him beforehand.

“Yeah… Sure if it’s alright with you Pops.” Kougami replies not really sure what he should say as he looked at me and towards grandpa searching for some sort of confirmation.

Grandpa looks like he’s in deep thoughts and yet I know he’s already made his decision in a matter of seconds. He’s doing on purpose to stretch the time just to torment me a little. I truly despise it when he does this but it’s not my place to give my opinion on that.

“Ever fired a gun, Kou?” He asks after a few minutes of long silence and I can't help but wonder where he's going with this.

“Yeah, a few times during hunting season.” Kougami awkwardly answers.

There’s definitely a hint of anxiety in his tone when Kougami spoke. Without a doubt, he’s feeling uncomfortable about admitting that he has used a gun before. But, he’s being honest and that’s what matters. Besides, I have to wonder if maybe grandpa is testing Kougami right now.

I feel bad for asking Kougami so abruptly in front of grandpa like I did. I basically put Kougami on the spot without giving him a decent warning beforehand. I’ll have to apologize for that later.

“You can kill an animal if need be?” Grandpa further asks.

Mika is silently eating her pancakes as she watches grandpa’s interrogations. She's not really bothering to hide her amusement at the whole ordeal as I can feel Kougami growing more and more anxious by each passing minutes.

“I can but I don’t enjoy it.” He further confirms.

I’ve been on hunting trips with grandpa a few times in the past. I do have my licence to fire a gun but I can’t bring myself to kill anything much to my grandpa’s dismay. He clearly can’t rely on me for things like that when he should.

The thing is that I always have these perfect opportunities. The perfect shot. The perfect distance and I know that I could get a direct head shot. A perfect kill but, I just can’t pull the trigger. My finger just freezes up on the trigger and I start to shake until it’s just completely pointless.

With each passing day, well it’s only the third day that Kougami is here but still. He fits better into this kind of life than I do. Other than working with the horses, I don’t really belong here…

“Good…” Grandpa voices out after a bit of thinking in silence.

It’s rather obvious what he decided on. He had already made up his mind the moment that Kougami admitted to knowing how to fire a gun but I know how grandpa is. He just loves to put up some tension in the air just to see what happens. At the same time, he observes what our reaction is without saying a single word about it. But, he takes mental notes that’s for sure.

“Did you finish cleaning the stalls?” Grandpa asks, changing the subject so abruptly without even giving his final verdict. I should have known that he would have done that, typical…

“Yeah, just finished actually.” Kougami quickly replies as he leans against the back of a chair.

“Good. Meet me at the barn, I’ll show you what I want you to do with the manure.” Grandpa tells him as he folds his paper and gets up.

I glance at Kougami. He no longer has any hint of anxiety and he’s gained his composer again like nothing happened and without saying another word, he walks out of the house followed by grandpa in tow.

“I can’t believe you won that one.” Mika voices out.

“I can’t believe that I won that one either.” I admit. 

To be honest. I was expecting grandpa to say that it was a no debate thing and just shrug it off like it never was an issue to begin with. Then again, he didn’t give out his final verdict yet so he can still change his mind and say as a punishment for going outside last night, I can't go but for some reason I highly doubt it.

Grandpa is probably going to give Kougami one of his hunting rifles to take along with us. The only reason why grandpa will even allow me to go up to Half-Mile Peak is because he knows that Kougami can shoot the cougar dead if need be. But, if he had never used a gun before. I know grandpa would have refused completely for me to go and I would have been forced to stay here on the ranch.

I’m glad that grandpa compromised though because I wanted to go up to the Peak for a while now but I never had the guts to go before and with Tempest gone. I feel like I really should go up there. It just feels like now is a good time but I’m glad that I’m not going to go up to the Peak alone. I guess it might have been the main reason why I haven’t been able to bring myself to go before.

“Don’t you think Kougami is kind of cute?” Mika suddenly blurts out pulling me out of my thoughts in the process.

I can’t help but give her an odd look. Coming from her is rather the weirdest thing I’ve heard all week.

“What? Since when do you find guys cute? Are you trying to tell me that you’ve become bisexual now?” I inquire sarcastically.

“Ha! Ha! Ha! Very funny.” She responds with her own sarcasm and asks, “Do I need to be bisexual to say when a guy is cute?”

“You got a point there.” I reply as she gets up with her empty plate in hand.

“So, what do you think of Kougami?” She asks again and I just can’t get the reason why she even would ask such a thing.

What do I think of Kougami? I don’t know. I guess he’s kind of an honest person and he isn’t afraid to rat you out if you’re acting like a total idiot. I don’t really know him much either so I can’t really say what I think of him for sure.

“He’s alright I guess…” I answer, obviously not exactly the answer Mika was hoping for. She obviously was expecting something else.

“Alright?” She asks in total disbelief as if what I said was a total crime beyond repentance. “Says the guy who spent over two hours in the barn last night all alone with the new stable hand.” She adds and I should have known that she wasn’t sleeping last night when I left the house. 

I’ll never hear the end of this much to my dismay. But, I know she won’t tell on me to grandpa so I’m safe for now. That is if Kougami doesn’t rat me out to him of which I'm sure he already has.

“It wasn’t like that.” I state and to be honest I didn’t have any intentions of meeting Kougami last night. He just happened to come down the loft and we talked. “I couldn’t sleep and I just wanted to be in Tempest’s stall for a bit to try and clear my head.” I add not like Mika believes a single word that I just said. She’s obviously already made up her own mind about what happened last night. If she wants to believe such a thing well whatever suits her needs, I don’t care.

“With that tired look on your face. I’ll take it that it didn’t work or there’s something you’re not telling me.” She says with a grin on her face and that’s definitely my queue to get the heck out of here.

“Bye Mika.” I tell her as I walk away leaving her to say something that I couldn’t quite understand but I can probably figure out what it could be and I’m not exactly interested in hearing it.

The air feels somewhat dense as I step outside on the patio. The humidity index is definitely on a high today which means that we’ll probably be getting more storms and my guesses by the cloud formations I’d say we’ll get some by tonight much to my dismay which means here goes another night of no sleep.

Just my luck…

I wish the storms would take a chill pill for like maybe a week or two. Ever since I got home we’ve been having storms twice, even three times a week and I’m just overly exhausted. If it keeps up like this I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. By mid-summer, I’ll be completely drained and I really don’t want to bring this up with grandpa. I already know what he’ll say and I just don’t want to go there.

I step down from the patio onto the gravel when something catches my eye in the distance near the dry lot. I quickly look around and I can’t see Kougami or grandpa so my guesses they must be somewhere in the back to spread out the manure in the large compost bins so no use bothering them about it.

I make my way towards the dry lot and as I get closer bits of mangled feathers are scattered on the ground and as I get closer to the wooden fence of the dry lot the feathers get thicker and even more matted and clearly stained in crimson.

I crouch down to better inspect the mess on the ground. The feathers are a bit humid but the blood has started to dry up so this isn’t fresh. But, it’s not too old either and I can’t help but wonder if these feathers belonged to Charlotte. Grandpa did say that Kougami had found feathers near the barn. He never said anything about any near the dry lot though…

Anyway, these feathers are way too messed up for me to even tell what colour they used to be so I’m not even sure that they even belonged to Charlotte to begin with. Either way, I can’t just leave these lying around and I better let grandpa know that I found more feathers scattered on the ground. It might be nothing but I can’t just let these carelessly lying around here. The scent of blood could attract the cougar to prowl near the ranch and with the horses around, we can’t afford that animal to be so near.

A light crack catches my attention as I look over my shoulder only to feel my heart skip a bit. I feel as if my guts are twisting on all sides and all I can barely do is swallow the lump that suddenly formed in my throat as my gaze is locked onto those golden eyes that are stalking me as I feel my body shake and yet I can’t move…


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Kougami**

This sure as hell wasn’t how I was planning on spending my morning. It’s always one thing right after the other over here but I guess it also means there’s barely any dull moments.

It all started this morning when all a sudden, I heard this violent sound of an animal’s cry. It only lasted for a second and then everything went silent.

The sound alone was enough to send chills down my spine but I had a job to do. I had to go see what had caused it so I went to investigate with a pitchfork tightly in my hands. But, all I found was a pile of feathers scattered all around the side of the barn. I knew what had done this so I wasted no time shutting the barn doors and alert Pops of what I had just found.

Pops quickly inspected the mess and confirmed my suspicions that it was probably the cougar's doing. That it was probably still lurking in the area.

The attack occurred in the early mornings so it was no mystery that the cougar was probably out on the prowl for food. It probably caught the scent of the escaped hen and she was just an easy target. Like Pops said, the hen was simply a prey of opportunity. There was no way a cougar would have ignored such an easy target which is rather unfortunate.

I did manage to find out how the hen kept getting out of the enclosure and fortunately I was able to fix the fence. Now I'm hoping that it will help to prevent any other hens from escaping. The last thing that I was is for another to receive the exact same fate as their fallen friend.

But Damn!

I didn’t think that damn beast would have dared to come all the way out here from the woods. I just can’t help but wonder why it would come all this way in the first place. It can’t be just for a fucking chicken, we all know that it was simply just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Something needs to be done about that damn cougar and fast before it attacks again. Something needs to be done before someone ends up getting hurt. 

Yesterday I was lucky, Kagari was lucky. We could have been seriously injured back there. We were really lucky but something needs to be done about that overgrown cat.

Anyway…

Can’t say that I was expecting to get asked by Gino to go with him to this Half-Mile Peak. Wherever that place might be on this over sized property. Anyhow, the fact that Gino asked me so suddenly. I can’t shake off the feeling that he simply saw me as an escape goat just so Pops wouldn’t tell him no.

Being interrogated like that so early in the morning wasn’t something I was looking forward to. Exactly how do you answer such questions in the first place? 

I’m on probation and telling the guy who’s going to be signing my papers at the end of each week is not exactly a good thing on my part. 

Having to admit that I’m fully aware on how to use a gun. That I have no problems to kill an animal isn’t something that I feel will help me. I feel like it will just further make me look guilty. 

I had this sudden urge to lie though. I almost told Pops that I had never touched a gun in my life. That I never shot at anything but the thought of him eventually finding out the truth prevented me from doing so. So I told him the truth but in the end he didn’t seem to care much. Actually, I think I might have made him his day.

To be honest, I wish that Gino would have come to me before asking so suddenly in front of Pops like that. I know that Gino is probably just using me to his own advantage but even though I know that, I just couldn’t tell him no. The truth is that I didn’t want to say no, I just…

Kou forget about it, it ain’t never going to happen…

“Pops. Why can’t I just dump the manure directly into the bins every day instead of just dumping it in a large pile outside next to the barn for days only to move it later to the bins?” I ask as I shovel the shit into the bins with outer most disgust.

This is seriously the biggest waste of time I’ve ever seen to be honest. We could save up so much time if I just directly transferred the shit from the barn to here every morning and night. If I would do that instead, I wouldn’t have to handle the same shit twice. This is seriously beyond disgusting and it’s a miracle how I haven’t vomited on this crap yet.

“Some things takes time Kou and when it comes to compost you can’t rush things.” Pops tells me. Not bothering to say anything that held true information about why I must do this other than time. I guess it’s just his way of telling me to quit complaining and to stop asking questions.

“So basically all I need to know is that every day I shovel up the shit and put it all in the same old pile. Forget it for a week and then move it to the bins once it looks even more disgusting?” I say as I shovel the last of the shit that was in the barrel much to my satisfaction.

Since the first day I got here, I dreaded the idea of playing with horse shit. To make matters worse, I wake up every fucking morning to horse shit and I fall asleep to that same fucking smell. It’s driving me nuts. I seriously can’t comprehend why I have to stay in the damn barn, like seriously!?

I have the right to come in the house to brush my teeth every morning and every night. I can eat my three meals a day with everyone and take my shower at night but I can’t sleep inside of the house. Like seriously what gives? And to make matters worse, the damn roof of the loft kept on leaking all night. I barely got any sleep due to that…

Is it because of my damn probation because if it is, it’s so not fair…

“That’s the idea.” Pops voices out.

“Great…” I mutter as I stick the shovel into the ground and take off my gloves that stink of manure.

“Looks like both of you have patched things up.” Pops says as he closes the lids of the bins. His eyes glued on me as if studying my expression as if to try and predict what I’ll say or something.

I’m starting to think that no one can hide anything from Pops. He always seems to know what goes on around here and the moment he brings something up to the table. He already knows the answer to the question. It’s like, he brings stuff like this up just to see if you’ll have the balls to give him a bullshit story.

“You know about last night don’t you?” I ask, not really bothering to hide that fact. There’s really no point in trying to hide it at this point.

I had promised myself that I wasn’t going to say a word to Pops about what Gino did last night. I didn’t want him to get into trouble since I understood why he had left the house in the first place. In the end, I basically disobeyed Pops' orders but I sympathized with Gino. I really did.

“I’m a light sleeper but my grandchildren don’t need to know that part.” Pops admits and somehow that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. 

I can’t help but smile at the thought of how Pops probably does a few more things just to fool Mika and Gino. Considering how smart those two are, I’m surprised that they think they’re slick enough to fool Pops.

I didn’t hear any loud arguments when I was walking towards the house. Actually, when I entered no one seemed to be in a foul mood so I’ll assume that Pops hasn’t told Gino that he knows about last night. I guess Pops is letting it slide, preferring to turn a blind eye to it but he’s letting me know not to fuck around with him.

“I found Gino in Tempest’s stall and we worked things out.” I tell him which doesn’t seem to surprise him at all. “Pops exactly what’s Half-Mile Peak? It seems rather important to Gino.” I ask.

Last night, Gino never spoke about such a place to me or hinted that he wanted to go somewhere today. I don’t recall Pops telling me anything about it either. It actually sounds like it might be something grand.

“Anyone born to this family or marries into this family are buried on this land at Half-Mile Peak.” Pops answers and I have to say that’s news to me. I didn’t think that there was a family grave on the property and yet it kind of makes sense. If the land has been passed down from generation to generation. It makes sense to have a burial ground somewhere on the land too.

“Gino wants to visit his mom’s grave. That makes sense but it’s kind of a bad timing. It can wait until the cougar is captured or killed at least.” I state.

I understand wanting to visit a loved one’s resting spot but you have to be logical also. I was attacked by a cougar yesterday and the result of that was Pops had to put down a horse due to injuries that could not be healed. I know that it’s something huge for Gino. I get it, I really do but it’s not worth risking your own life for and I know Gino is smart enough to calculate the odds to make a rational decision here. I just don’t get why he doesn’t. He’s just acting so foolishly.

“My daughter died in vehicle accident and my grandson was with her at the time.” He tells me with a pained expression on his face as he takes off his own working gloves and lays it on top of the bins.

“He told me last night. They had left Heartland to rescue a horse on the Mulherin farm but they never made it back safely.” I add and Pops nods and I must say he looks rather relieved that he doesn’t need to explain to me how his daughter died. I can’t blame him; it’s not a memory that I’d want to keep on remembering or keep repeating it either.

“My daughter died instantly on impact but Nobuchika didn’t.” He further tells me and that part I didn’t know. Gino never said if his mom died later at the hospital or if she had died on the scene. I didn’t dare ask because I didn't want to upset him even more than what he already was. “He received severe trauma to the head, the doctors were not even sure if he would live but he did. He woke up for the first time a week after the accident had occurred.” Pops adds and I feel as if my stomach dropped down into my guts.

Considering how Gino looks like physically. He doesn’t have any visible injuries on him nor does he walk with a limp so I simply figured that he got lucky. That he didn’t get hurt in the accident and all he had was psychological trauma, nothing more. I never imagined that Gino had fallen into a coma and that his condition was so bad that he nearly died.

Gino is dealing with not just emotional trauma but a combination of psychological and physical trauma. That’s a lot to deal with and I'm not exactly sure how I can help him deal with all that…

“Gino was in a coma?” Was all I could say and Pops slightly nods to confirm that Gino had indeed been in a coma and that’s just huge.

This whole family has endured so much hardship in the last month. I can’t even come to imagine how Pops was able to pull through all that. First he got the news that his daughter was dead. Then he learned that his only grandson was in a critical condition and that no one was sure if he’d live.

For one whole week, Pops lived in complete anxiety not knowing if he’d get the news that Gino wouldn’t recover. That he would have to bury his grandson too and at the same time he had to be strong for Mika. God this man is just beyond amazing; I can really see myself looking up to him.

“Nobuchika was released a week after he woke up from his coma. But, he missed his mother’s funeral due to his hospitalization. He’s never been to visit his mother’s grave since he came home.” Pops further tells me.

The more I keep learning about Gino, the more I’m starting to fully understand him. He’s just so broken and he’s struggling to cope with everything that’s happened to him. The problem is that he can’t because he’s never gotten any closure for his loss. He wasn’t able to see his mom one last time before she was lowered into the ground. Just that alone is a huge problem because then you keep living in denial and that’s no good.

I know Gino hasn’t slept at all last night since his bedroom light stayed on until the early mornings. I often saw him pacing around in his room through his bedroom window too and I know for a fact it wasn’t because of leaks like I had. I’d be willing to bet that storms bother him. He can’t cope with anything that’s somewhat similar to what happened that night. Storms must bring back memories that he’d rather forget.

Gino needs help. He desperately needs help and he needs it soon.

“Kind of hard to say no in that case.” I say and now I just want to go with him even more and now I feel bad thinking that he only wanted to use me to get his way with Pops.

“I won’t stop my grandson from getting the closure that he needs even if the timing is rather off.” Pops says.

I get what Pops is saying, I really do. If Gino hasn’t gone to visit his mom’s grave since he came back home for whatever reason and now he wants to. It be a bad idea to forbid him to go. It would be basically preventing him to heal and we can’t control when he feels ready to do something so I’ll be proud to go along with him for this.

“I understand Pops. Anything I can do to help, I’ll do it.” I admit and it’s the truth. Whatever I can do to help Gino to heal from what happened to him I will.

“I appreciate that Kou.” Pops tells me and I can’t help but feel proud at that.

I just feel acknowledged by this man, even if I have to stay in the damn loft that leaks when it rains. I still like it here, I like everyone and I feel like I do belong in this kind of place. That I can actually do something right for a change and that’s just a great feeling to have for once.

The sound of an engine catches my attention. From what I can tell, it sounds like the engine of a diesel fueled pick-up truck and then all a sudden. A loud crack of a gun echoes, quickly followed by a second and without thinking I bolted into a run towards the barn. Not taking any time to think what just happened.

I don’t know if Pops is right behind me or not. I just keep on running as I do a quick turn at the corner of the barn and I see a brand new red pick-up truck with the engine still running. Near it stood a guy that I’ve never seen before with a rifle in his hands and without a word, he dropped the rifle into the back of his truck and bolted into a run. It’s only then that I noticed the cougar lying on the ground motionless and sitting on the ground only inches away from it was Gino. His back against the fence of the dry lot.

“Are you alright!?” The guy asks as he pulls Gino up to his feet.

I can’t hear what Gino is saying to the guy only that I see him nod slightly but he’s obviously shaken about what just happened and I can’t help but feel angry at myself. Pops and I were outside and yet we didn’t notice the cougar hanging around the property. Gino almost fell victim to it if not for that guy and just thinking about some random guy saving Gino like that. I just can’t help but feel jealous.

He hasn’t done anything to me, he does seem rather concern about Gino but I fucking hate his face. Just seeing him touch Gino is enough to fuel the growing rage inside of me and a part of me wants Gino to distance himself from the guy but he doesn’t and just seeing the guy look at him makes my skin crawl.

“Sugo. Care to explain what the hell just happened?” Pops suddenly asks calmly catching the guy’s attention so I guess to Pops and Gino. He’s not just some random guy much to my dismay.

“I’m sorry Tomomi. There was no time to think, that cougar was about to jump on Nobuchika. I had to shoot it.” Sugo quickly explains to Pops and just hearing him say Gino’s given name so casually makes me sick. Who the hell is this fucker!?

“No need to apologize.” Pops tells him and I would have preferred he would have told him to fuck off instead.

What the fuck was this guy even thinking? From where I saw Gino sitting on the ground and the distance of the cougar. The fucker could have easily shot Gino by accident and the guy shot the cougar twice meaning he had a poor shot. He needed two bullets to kill the animal, two bullets that could have hit Gino and possibly even kill him.

What a fucking idiot. I only would have needed one bullet to get the job done and I wouldn’t have shot the cougar so close to Gino either. That was just careless.

“I take it you’re back from the rodeo?” Pops asks and I can’t believe that he’s not even giving more concern towards Gino in this moment.

Gino seems to have calmed down a bit but I can still see his hands shaking slightly. By all means, Pops should be all over Gino and not this Sugo.

Fuck Sugo! I fucking hate that guy!

“You bet and I won first place too.” He tells Pops proudly and I have to try and hide my disgust for the guy. “I didn’t hear about what happened when I was on the road, I just heard when I got back. I’m sorry.” He further says. His expression somewhat apologetic of which I don’t fucking buy but of course he’s got Pops on his side and possibly Gino too.

Fuck that guy!

“Hey I didn’t see you here when I left three months ago. I’m Teppei Sugo; I’m the stable hand here at Heartland.” He tells me as he extends his hand for me to shake and I wanted to cringe at how he said that he’s the stable hand here when I’m the stable hand at Heartland.

“Shinya Kougami. I’m the new stable hand at Heartland.” I say as I try to hide my discontent as I shake his hand, squeezing a little harder than I usually would and if he gets my drift. He’ll get the fucking message.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Ginoza**

That was a total nightmare and completely uncalled for… No wait. That was a cougar; of course it was totally uncalled for but how it all ended, it was rather sad. It could have been a lot worse though and I was lucky that Sugo arrived when he did. Actually, I was rather surprised that the cougar didn’t flee when Sugo drove closer. Instead, it went to jump right at me but it doesn’t matter in trying to understand why the cougar did what it did. It’s dead now unfortunately.

I put my hat on, tightening the cord at the back of my head to keep it from flying off when I’ll ride later and then I lead both Nymeria and Cherry out of the barn fully saddled up and ready to go as I walk over to where Kougami is working on the fence of the pasture.

“Hey. I got Cherry all saddled up. I know she’s not near as great as Tempest was but she’s all we have at the moment.” I tell him catching his attention in the process.

“Cougar’s dead, you don’t need me now.” He tells me as he continues working on the post like I didn’t say anything. Why is he giving me attitude all a sudden? Somehow it just doesn't feel like him.

“Are you mad at me or something?” I ask him catching his attention again and he looks at me as if I just said the most awful thing ever.

“Of course I’m not mad at you.” He quickly tells me. As if he's trying to defend himself before reaching for a hammer and adds. “I’ve got a lot of work that I have to do and I need all the time I can get.”

Yeah there’s always work to do on a ranch but where does he not understand that he’s not alone anymore. Sugo is finally here and since both of them are stable hands they should divide the workload equally. But, that’s something both of them should talk about just so they don’t end up repeating the same work over and over again.

“Leave it to Sugo; you’re not the only stable hand on Heartland-”

“Gino I won’t rely on someone else to do my work for me.” He quickly cuts me off. 

I just don’t get him sometimes. I honestly thought he would have been happy to have someone to help him out on the ranch but it’s like he’s determined to continue doing everything all by himself. That’s not how it works on a ranch, well not in Heartland at least. No matter how hard working you may be it’s not something you can do on your own. We all have to work as a team.

“I’ll help you with what you have to do when we get back, I promise.” I tell him.

I know lately I haven’t done much around the ranch. Actually, it’s mainly because grandpa doesn’t want me to push myself too hard because apparently my injuries are not completely healed yet. Due to that, he doesn’t want me to get hurt again but the thing is that I feel ready to do everything that I used to do before the accident happened. I feel ready to clean up the stalls and to stack up bales of hay and just work with the horses like I used to but grandpa doesn’t feel the same as I do…

“Gino, what do you have to do around the ranch?” Kougami asks after he secured the post.

“Rehabilitation of horses.” I quickly answer.

“And?” He adds before turning his gaze towards me.

“And managing inventory and the bookings of clients for horse rehabilitation.” I further answer.

Okay... Ever since my mom died, I’ve been doing a bit more work that I didn’t do before. Managing inventory, the bookings of clients and all that was all something that mom used to do. 

When I came back home, after I was cleared from the hospital. Mom's job fell onto me since it was something I could do considering the injuries that I had. 

It’s not that I can’t do mom's old job but lately I just feel lost and overwhelmed by all the paperwork. I know I shouldn’t have any problems since mom showed me what to do a while back but it’s so much and I wish that Lysa was here more often to help me with all of this.

“And all of that are all things that require a lot of time on your part. You can’t help me with my work and you know it and I wouldn’t accept it even if you insisted.” Kougami further tells me but it feels more like he’s lecturing me.

I don’t know why but I feel like all of a sudden Kougami is treating me a lot differently than what he used to and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of something that grandpa told him about me. Somehow, I feel like it might be the case. That grandpa told Kougami about my injury. That he told him about my coma and about my two weeks stint in the hospital and that’s just not fair.

“I know but-”

“No buts. Just go to Half-Mile Peak and come back. We both know you’re already behind on your work so you can’t afford to be wasting time.” He quickly cuts me off.

I don’t want to go to Half-Mile Peak on my own. I don’t want to ask grandpa or Mika to come with me and right now I feel like I have to beg in order to change Kougami’s mind and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to beg. Maybe call it pride but is it too much to ask just to be accompanied by someone to go somewhere without a good reason?

“Are you jealous of Sugo?” I ask when the thought just popped into my mind and Kougami quickly looked at me like I had sent a surge of electricity throughout his body.

“What!? Me jealous!? As if!” He quickly shrugs it off and I just want to laugh at his poor attempt to cover his lie.

“Oh my god, you so are.” I blurt out, unable to stop myself from laughing at this sudden revelation. I never would have thought of Kougami to be the jealous type.

“I’m not-”

“You’re so jealous of Sugo.” I cut him off by stating the rather obvious thing again as he stands up to meet my gaze, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Sugo is our full-time stable hand but he often goes away months at a time for rodeo circuits. He’s been away for three months now, I think it’s only fair that he works more today and you take some time off.” I add and it’s true. 

Sugo has been away for three months and it looks like he’s in great shape so he can afford to do some extra work today and besides Kougami has been working hard ever since he got here and not to mention that today is Friday. He deserves a chill day anyway and I’m fairly certain that grandpa would agree with me.

“You won’t take no for an answer won’t you?” He asks and actually I’m glad that he did asked because I absolutely will not take a no for an answer. Especially since I know now that the only reason why he’s working so hard is to somewhat compete with Sugo.

“No so come on, we’re losing time.” I tell him.

“Alright… Hang on a second.” He tells me as he puts the tools he was working with back into the tool box and while he’s doing that I walk over to Cherry and grab the black cowboy hat that I had laid on top of the saddle for safe keeping when I lead the mares out of the barn.

I grabbed the hat from my mom’s office before I started saddling up the horses. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure to whom it belongs to since I’ve never seen grandpa wear it nor mom. It just sat there on a pile of books that my mom had in a corner of her office so instead of gathering dust it might as well be used for what it was made for.

I walk back over to Kougami. He’s pretty much finished putting everything away when I simply put on the hat on his head catching his attention in the process and gives me a puzzled look.

“What’s this for?” He asks as he gets up and places the tool box on top of the fence.

“If you’re to ride a horse, you need the proper gear.” I tell him as I mount Nymeria and Kougami does the same.

When I meet tourists who come to stay at the dude ranch for a few weeks. The question I get asked the most often is about the hats that we wear and the answer is quite simple. It protects us from the elements when we ride. It shades our face from the intensity of the sun. It protects us from the blowing wind and it prevents the rain from blinding us as we ride.

Every time I get asked about the cowboy hat, I always receive the same remark over and over again. That they had thought it was simply a fashion statement but it’s not. Our hat is useful to us and it’s not just to protect us from the elements. In the past cowboys would use their hats to catch water for them to drink or for their horses. But now, we have water bottles that we can carry into the saddles that we use and newer ones are much more sophisticated than they were in the past.

“I have to apologize.” I tell him after we’ve put a bit of distance from the ranch and I’m positive that we’re out of ear shot or anyone who could disturb us.

“What for?” Kougami asks even though that I know that he knows exactly what I mean.

“For putting you on the spot earlier with grandpa. I didn’t mean for it to turn out like that.” I tell him and continue, “I wanted to ask you privately first but things didn’t turn out the way I had planned.”

I wanted to ask Kougami first but it wasn't just that. I wanted to explain to him why I wanted to go up to Half-Mile Peak and why I wanted him to come with me but I never got the chance...

“It’s fine.” He tells me and I have to wonder if he’s just saying that just for the sake of saying it or he actually means it. With Kougami, it’s rather hard to tell what he thinks.

“Cougar or no cougar, I was planning on asking if you wanted to come up to Half-Mile Peak with me.” I further tell him. The last thing I want Kougami to think is that I’m using him for my own gains when it’s not the case at all. I truly appreciate that he decided to come with me, I really do.

“I’m sorry too.” He states much to my confusion. “I was angry but not at you…” He adds.

I thought he was going to say something else but if it’s just that well he doesn’t need to apologize for being angry. After all, I knew he was angry to begin with. It was way too obvious but he’s human, it’s only normal to be angry sometimes.

“Did something happen between you and Sugo?” I ask considering that he’s obviously jealous of Sugo for whatever reason that I’m not too sure about.

“He shot that cougar and you were only inches away from it. He could have shot you instead, I’m angry at that.” Kougami explains his reason and I can feel the irritation in his voice as he spoke.

He’s angry at Sugo for that? Can’t say that I was expecting that to be the reason for his anger. I was expecting, I don’t know some friction between seniority or something since both of them are stable hands and well Sugo has way more experience than Kougami does so it would only be natural for Sugo to tell Kougami what to do here and there.

“Sugo wouldn’t have taken the shot if he wasn’t confident that he’d hit the cougar.” I try to assure him since I know that Sugo is an excellent marksman but I seriously doubt it that Kougami understands this.

“Yeah… Still took two shots to kill it. That’s two times he could have shot you.” Kougami shoots back and I guess he does have a point but it’s not exactly what he thinks. Sugo didn’t miss. He did hit the cougar exactly where he had wanted to but things didn’t turn out the way he had hoped for and I understand that.

“You weren’t there. Yes Sugo shot the cougar twice but the first time he was hoping to injure it only but instead of backing off it got wilder so Sugo shot it dead with the second shot.” I explain Sugo’s reasoning at the time and I understand why he only wanted to injure it too. 

If Sugo could have only injured it, then maybe we could have captured the cougar and held it until forest rangers would have come to pick it up and thus it wouldn’t have had to die and simply would have been relocated elsewhere but it didn’t turn out that way.

Other than the high humidity, today is a good day and as we keep on riding higher north towards Half-Mile Peak. We’re getting a cooler breeze which feels good but then again considering how high the humidity is and the fact that we’re having a cool wind only means that we’re definitely going to get a strong thunderstorm tonight much to my dismay.

I’ve never been very fond of thunderstorms. They always freak me out and I always have this thought in my head that a tornado will form and everything will get destroyed by it even though Heartland has never been touched by one.

Grandpa says that Tornadoes forms mostly on plain areas and they don’t usually form on lands that are surrounded by mountains and valleys which is why Heartland has never been touched by such a thing in the past compared to other parts of the area around here. Grandpa also says that it’s one of the major reasons why so many people want to buy Heartland from grandpa but he refuses to sell no matter how high the price they offer him.

But it’s not just the worry about a tornado forming that makes me nervous about thunderstorms now. It’s the flashbacks of what happened that night that keeps flooding into my mind each time I see a flash of lightning and the loud roaring thunder that follows…

“Look, I guess I just feel out of place knowing that there is someone else here who can just easily bump me out of my job at any moment.” Kougami suddenly says, killing the long silence between us.

“Sugo won’t bump you.” I tell him.

I can’t even believe that he would think that to begin with and besides Sugo would be the first to jump to Kougami’s defense if he would get bumped. Sugo would never allow it and he’d debate endlessly until grandpa would reconsider his decision of which it will never happen anyway. Grandpa would never dismiss a stable hand without a very good reason since they are so hard to come by. Not everyone wants to work on a ranch. It’s too much hard work and not many are willing to put in the long hours of which are very unfortunate.

“What about when my probation is over? Then what?” He asks. He’s really insecure about this isn’t he?

I didn’t think that’s how Kougami felt about Sugo’s sudden arrival but exactly what is he even talking about though? About when his probation is over?

“Are you saying that you plan on continuing to work on Heartland after the summer is over?” I ask him, unable to hide my curiosity.

“I was thinking about it, yeah.” Kougami quickly confirms and I don’t know why but it kind of makes me happy to hear him say that. It’s one of the reasons why I didn’t want to get close to him in the first place since I knew his stay was only temporary. I didn’t think that he’d want to continue working here. “I didn’t think that Pops already had a full time stable hand.” He further states and now I think I understand where he’s coming from.

With Sugo now back at Heartland. Kougamie must think if he asks grandpa about staying after his probation is over that he will be refused but he’s such an idiot for even thinking that. He honestly doesn’t get it when I told him that Sugo goes away months at a time for rodeo circuits.

“Like I said before. Sugo does rodeo circuits so he’s gone many months at a time so if you tell my grandpa that you want to stick around after the summer is over. Well, he won’t refuse you.” I tell him and it’s the truth. Grandpa would be more than happy if Kougami would tell him that he wanted to stay and not to mention. At least, grandpa would have a reliable hunting partner too during moose season.

“Are you sure about that?” Kougami asks.

I honestly didn’t think that Kougami was so insecure about where he stood here. He always seems to be so certain about himself and seeing him this way is rather odd but I like it. It’s like for a change he’s not trying to put on a mask in order to try and impress everyone. He’s really himself and that’s good.

“Yes! I’m sure about that. He’s been wanting to find a good reliable stable hand that won’t be gone months at a time.” I tell him and I think that rather made his day as he gives me a teasing smirk.

“So I’m reliable now?” He asks rather playfully and yeah he’s reliable that’s without a doubt. Well he is so far but it’s not like Sugo isn’t reliable either. 

When Sugo’s around well, we can always count on him to get things done but the rodeo is really important to him and it’s something he pours his whole heart into and that’s okay but Heartland needs a permanent stable hand to manage the place.

**XXX**

* * *

**Chapter 9.5**

**Kougami**

I feel as if we’ve been riding for a long time but it can't be for more than an hour now and since I had no idea where we were going. I followed Gino’s lead and my guts felt like they wanted to form into a knot when we rode through the same path where Kagari and I were attacked by the cougar yesterday. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that we had to pass through here but hey, nothing can change what’s been done. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, nothing more...

“So this is it huh?” I ask as we rode closer towards a rectangular wooden fence surrounded by nothing except for a wide plain and inside of the small enclosure were several headstones.

“This is Half-Mile Peak…” Gino confirms. “Nobody told me that I had missed my mom’s funeral when I was at the hospital recuperating only that she hadn’t made it. I kind of figured that the funeral had passed but I was hoping that it had been postponed.” He explains as we rode closer and he climbed off Nymeria, securing the reins onto the wooden fence and I do the same.

“I’m sorry Gino. I know it’s not something you want to hear but sometimes it’s best not to see the body. It’s better that your last memories of your mom are of when she was alive and not in a coffin.” I tell him and I know it can’t help much but it’s true. Sometimes the embalmer puts on so much make-up on the body that it doesn’t even resemble the person when they were once alive and it's that very image that sticks with you and that's not good.

“Maybe…” He mutters as he takes something out from one of the pockets on Nymeria’s saddle.

Gino enters the encloser and inspects each gravestones carefully before stopping before a larger one made out of silver marble with the carving of a horse on it and the name Mariam Ginoza was engraved on it. It’s only when he laid what he took out of Nymeria’s saddle that I realized what it was. It's the wooden plaque that had Tempest’s name on it. So that’s what it was and if you ask me it’s fitting and now Gino’s mom and Tempest can be together again.

I join Gino as he stands up, his eyes fixated onto the marble slab. I can’t tell what he’s thinking but obviously he’s thinking about something.

“What is it?” I ask without receiving a response. “Come on, talk to me.” I add as I lay a hand on his upper back only to quickly switch it onto his shoulder.

What the hell was I fucking thinking but luckily Gino didn’t seem to notice it much to my relief.

“It’s stupid, pretty pointless…” He mutters.

“It’s something that you obviously think about a lot so no; it’s not stupid or pointless. Tell me, get it off your chest, you’ll feel better afterwards.” I tell him.

Gino really needs to stop bottling up his feelings. He needs to say what’s on his chest otherwise he’ll never get better. He’ll always be stuck in his grief and he’ll never heal. He needs to realize that it’s okay to have weak moments and he doesn’t need to be strong all the time. He’s only human in the end.

“I don’t know why but after I woke up from my coma. Every time I would wake up, I would pray to see a face that I didn’t know. That in the worst moment of my life that he would be there.” He tells me after an awkward silence and I force myself to swallow the lump that formed in my throat. “Why doesn’t he want me?” He asks but it’s more like he’s asking the question to himself but it hurts to watch Gino be in so much pain because of a single person who should be here but he's not.

Gino quickly wipes away the tear that managed to escape the corner of his eye. He’s trying so hard to keep his emotions in check. He's desperately trying to be strong but he’s barely managing to do it. He should just let all of those emotions out instead of keeping them all bottled up but the thing is that I can’t blame him because I know how he feels right now.

“I know it’s hard knowing that your dad is out there and doesn’t seem to care at all. I know how you feel but you can’t dwell on it, it won’t help.” I tell him out of my own experience and I wish someone had told me that a long time ago but I was all alone to figure everything out and because of that I made a lot of mistakes.

“You never met your dad either?” He asks and I wish it had been the case for me. At this point, I wish I hadn’t met the man at all. He doesn’t even deserve to be called a man for what he did to my mom and me.

“No, I met him.” I tell him and continue, “When I was ten he left for work one morning and he decided to never come home. He quit his job and just took off to who knows where and I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”

Just thinking about it boils my rage and anger but I can’t let him get to me…

After he left, I had convinced myself that he would come back. I didn’t want to believe that he had abandoned me and my mom but after a while, I knew he wasn’t coming back. When that reality truly sinked in, that’s when I fell into despair but I couldn’t stop everything that was happening all around of me. I could just watch as my world came crashing down and there was nothing I could do to prevent it, I just wasn’t old enough…

“I’m sorry…” Gino says and adds, “I guess we’re all pretty messed up.”

“Nah. I’m the messed up one. You simply got a series of tragedies happen to you but you’re still surrounded by people who care.” I tell him and that’s something that I didn’t have and maybe if I did have just one person there for me. Maybe I wouldn’t be on probation but hey. Everything always happens for a reason, even if you can’t always understand why sometimes.

“What about your family?” Gino asks.

“My family…? Well it goes something like this, after my dad walked out on us. My mom entered a state of depression and fell into alcohol. Then she met a guy, got married to him and he turned out to be one hell of a son of a bitch.” I recount the general conception of my family in a nutshell. “Every night he’d get drunk and then he’d beat up my mom for no reason until last year I just lost it. I jumped on him and I drove my fist onto his face over and over.” I add.

I can still feel each blow on my knuckles like it had happened just yesterday. The sound of my fist coming into contact with his skin. The scent of blood in the air as I kept on hitting and hitting until my mom snapped me out of it. The guy’s face was a total mess and when I finally took over myself again, I couldn’t believe what I had done. I felt sick down to my stomach and yet I didn’t feel sorry about what I did. I didn’t feel sorry that I had nearly killed the guy and that fact is something that scares me.

“Kou?” Gino’s voice was low when he spoke, as if being cautious and now all I can hope is that he doesn’t fear me for what I just said.

“The bastard turned around and pressed charges on me and my mom defended him over me but it doesn’t take a genius to know exactly what really happened.” I further tell him much to Gino’s shock and I continue. “Social services came one morning and took me away into foster care until I received my sentence and here I am to service three months of probation.”

“How could your mom do that?” He asks and I have to admit that I asked myself that very same question when I was taken away.

It was only a month after that I realized why she had done what she did and I respect her for that and I’ll make it up to her one day. I’ll work my ass off and I’ll get myself an education and I’ll get my mom out of that hell hole. I’ll support her by myself so she never has to be near that bastard again. I’ll come back for you mom, that I promise I will come back!

“I get why she did it and honestly it was the best thing that she ever did for me because all she ever wanted was for me to be as far away from him as possible and she was at a point that she couldn’t take care of me like she should have.” I explain. The last thing I want is for Gino to think poorly of my mom.

She took it so hard when my dad walked out on us without a single warning. He never gave a sign that he was unhappy with us and my mom did everything for him. She worked her butt off to help him make ends meet. She took on a second job just so we could enjoy ourselves more but he left and that broke my mom’s heart.

I’ll never forgive my dad for what he did. I’ll never forgive him for hurting her like that and I won’t forgive him for being responsible for what happened to her. I know she made her own decisions but you don’t decide when your significant other beats you just for the fun of it and no matter what you do you can't escape that mad man.

“We should head back.” Gino tells me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” I agree back as we walk out of the small cemetery and back towards the horses.

“Looks like it’s going to rain in a few hours.” Gino states and yeah looks like it much to my dismay.

“Awesome, a free cold shower again then.” I blurt out as we free the reins from the wooden fence, mount our horses.

I pull on the reins to make Cherry turn around and we slowly make our way back towards the road we came from.

“The loft leaks?” He asks as if he wasn’t aware of that damn thing was leaking or maybe he wasn’t but anyway it’s no big deal though. I can manage, it’s not Gino’s problem.

“Yeah it does by a lot.” I tell him but now I know that the roof leaks so I took the proper precautions necessary already. I’m completely ready for the next leak; I have enough buckets to catch them all.

“I guess we’ll have to climb up on the roof again. Grandpa really needs to get the roof fixed. Actually, it needs a new roofing completely but he always puts it off and it never gets done.” Gino tells me and that piece of information surprises me. I didn’t think of Pops as being one of those guys to put things to another time.

“It’s fine. I’ve had worse.” I assure him but I seriously doubt it that it’s going to stay there. Gino’s definitely going to say something about the leak. He doesn’t seem too thrilled knowing that piece of information and that’s rather comforting.

I slightly adjust the hat that Gino gave me earlier. It feels rather strange wearing such a thing and yet I feel rather proud. This is actually the first thing Gino has ever given to me and I’m really proud to wear it.

I feel my guts twist slightly again as we come towards the place where chaos had happened yesterday and even though I know we should just quickly ride through here without a second thought, I pull on Cherry’s reins to get her to stop.

Gino pulls on Nymeria’s reins and looks at me curiously and I don’t know why but just looking at him mounted on that black mare, he’s just so beautiful. He’s always dressed so elegantly and yet he makes it look so simple. He sure as hell can pull off that cowboy look flawlessly.

“This is where Tempest broke its legs yesterday, in case you wanted to know.” I tell him but he isn’t fazed by what I just told him, actually somehow it feels like he’s not even surprised by it at all.

“My mom used to call this pass the Devil’s Snare. It often gets sink holes, not big ones just little ones and they are always hard to see. A lot of accidents have happened here in the past.” Gino tells me and I can’t help but laugh at that name for this passage.

What is up with all of these odd names around here!?

“Ahhhh. So Heartland, go through Devil’s Snare to end up to Half-Mile Peak. You guys sure have a way of naming things.” I playfully tell him.

“Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes we are so creative.” Gino responds with his own sarcasm and then he grows quiet. “Did you hear that?” He asks after a few seconds.

“Hear what?” I ask. To be honest, all I hear are the leaves dancing in the trees.

I didn’t hear anything that could have much significance and yet by his facial expression, Gino’s convinced that he heard something and I hope it’s all in his head cause considering what happened yesterday and what he just said about this pass, I’m not up for another accident to happen.

“That! Wait a minute.” Gino exclaims and he quickly climbs off Nymeria’s back.

“Gino, get back on Nymeria before we get another surprise.” I tell him but he’s not listening and instead he walks over towards the woods. “Gino! Get back over here!” I call back at him as he goes deeper into the woods until I can no longer see him much to my dismay.

“I think I know why you guys got attacked yesterday.” Gino shouts back at me but I can’t see him with all those branches.

“Cause cougars are vicious animals?” I say back. I mean what else is there?

It just so happen that it was there and we just so happened to be nearby and it figured that we were an easy meal. It’s that simple.

I hear branches cracking and not long after, I see Gino walk out of the woods with a ball of fur in his arms and all I can do is look at it and back to Gino in utter confusion.

“No. It was defending its baby.” Gino tells me as he comes closer and in his arms laid a bundle of fluffy brownish fur with dark spots and a somewhat chubby head and black eyes looking straight at me.

I don’t have to be an animal expert to know what this is and from the looks of it, I’m not even sure if that cougar cub is even two months old yet so yeah it kind of explains why that cougar attacked us yesterday. It probably thought we were a threat to her baby and if that’s the case…

Oh shit!

Oh fuck!

That cougar that Sugo killed this morning… Oh shit!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Kougami**

I was prepared for Pops to break a fuse when we arrived back at the ranch with the unexpected cougar cub but he didn’t say anything. He just gave Mika the job of taking care of it until Saiga would come to pick it up some time later today. He'll have to relocate it to a facility that would be able to give it the proper care that it will need in order to survive since it no longer has its mom. Which is kind of sad but the cub will be okay. He’s a strong little guy.

Anyway, after we arrived. I resumed my work around the ranch, fixing minor things here and there. While Gino took care of unsaddling our horses and brushing their coats clean before retreating to his room, not to be seen since.

I’m not exactly sure if he’s sleeping or working but he seemed really tired by the time we got back to the ranch. Getting some sleep wouldn’t be such a bad idea on his part but I seriously doubt it that's what he's doing unfortunately.

“Hey Kougami. Got a minute?”

I look over my shoulder at the mention of my name. Much to my annoyance, I see Sugo walking towards me but I don’t stop cleaning the floor of the barn like he didn’t say anything at all. I simply continue sweeping the floor, paying as little attention to him as I possibly can.

“I would like to discuss about our tasks. I mean I think it be best if we come to an understanding on what we’ll both be doing just to make sure we don’t end up doing the same thing.” He tells me. I had a feeling that he’d approach me with something like this sooner or later.

Typical…

“Sure…” I reply back. Not really caring much but I stop sweeping the floor to give him a little bit of my attention. Even though I can’t stand the guy.

“I always work on Tomomi’s garden and that means that I’ll be working with the compost bins a lot. Meaning the manure, so if it’s fine with you, for the whole month I’ll be taking care of cleaning the stalls.” He tells me and I can’t even believe it that he even suggested something so stupid.

“I’m a stable hand, if I don’t clean up the stalls exactly what am I supposed to do?” I ask the rather obvious question.

This guy is really unbelievable; he’s so full of himself. I can’t believe the nerves he has for even thinking about suggesting such a thing to begin with.

Who does he think I am? An imbecile or something?

“Look, I’m used to working on a ranch. I know my way around with no problem.” He further tells me as if he thinks that I can’t do the same.

The more this jackass talks, the more I just want to punch him straight in the face. The only thing that's stopping me from punching the lights out of him is what Pops will say. I can’t afford to get a negative comment against me.

“I can handle it so I was thinking maybe you could help Nobuchika with his work for a bit.” He adds and now I’m rather confused. Is he that stupid or what? He should be more than aware that I can’t help Gino with his work. I barely know anything about horses.

“I’m not a horse whisperer. I can’t do miracles with horses like he does.” I answer back.

“I know but you could brush the horses, feed them, fill their water buckets and give a helping hand to Nobuchika when he's working with them.” He says so casually like it was nothing.

I am aware that Gino is the one who brushes all the horses in the morning. I just wasn’t aware that he was solemnly responsible for feeding them too. And to provide water who knows how many times a day and not to mention his other workload. He’s obviously over worked here.

I honestly thought that Pops was the one who was feeding the horses and providing them with drinking water. I’ve never noticed Gino ever doing that so I guess he’s slick when it comes to moving around here.

“Look. Nobuchika won’t admit it but he’s overwhelmed with his work and he’s not functioning. He needs help.” Sugo states the rather obvious that Gino is without a doubt overwhelmed with what he has to do but I think that if Gino needs help, he’ll ask for it.

“What makes you say that?” I ask as I put the broom away.

“Come with me.” Was his reply as he walks away and I follow him into the over cluttered and somewhat vacant room that looks like it might have been used as an office at one point in the past.

Maybe… Probably…

“Okay… Exactly what am I supposed to see here?” I ask.

This place is a serious mess and I was actually surprised when Gino had been able to find that first aid kit on the first day I was here considering that he was injured. There’s just so much stuff piled up on top of another that I really do not know where to look. I’m sure if tourists would see this mess, they would probably lose all faith into the professionalism of Heartland.

“This was Mariam’s office. This is where she used to work and she managed all the ranch’s affairs in here.” Sugo explains and continues, “By all means, this is where Nobuchika should be working. After all, he’s the one who’s responsible for the inventory and the bookings of clients for horse rehabilitation and among other things.”

“Yeah… I get what you mean.” I say.

As much as I can’t stand the guy, he’s got a good point and he’s right. By all means, Gino really should be working in here. If everything would be properly organized and all the clutter would be gone. The large corner desk would be usable again and not to mention that Gino could see the behaviors of the horses while he works.

Gino needs to be working in here and I’d be willing to bet that all the ranch’s paperwork that he's been working on since he got back from the hospital are all bunched up somewhere in his room which explains why he’s often in there but I think I might know why he refuses to work here.

He’s afraid to move anything. In his head, if he changes anything in here. The reality that his mom is in fact dead just becomes an even harsher reality but he needs to face this in order to move on.

“Lysa did come by apparently to pick up the important paperwork of the ranch just so she could help manage things on her end. She's also been helping Nobuchika with everything he has to do but she also has her own business to take care of so that leaves him alone most of the time.” Sugo further explains and here is that Lysa again.

What the hell is Lysa Byron doing meddling with Heartland’s business? I know that Gino worked with that crazy white mare who ended up just being really crabby and sour but why is she involving herself so much here? That woman is well known for her deep pockets. She surely won’t be going bankrupt any time soon so what is her gain by helping Pops with his affairs?

“That’s not exactly fair to leave all of that onto Gino.” I tell Sugo.

If Lysa really wants to help everyone. For starters, she should take care of all the finances and everything that is related to paperwork. Leaving Gino to book appointments, managing how treatments will cost for his services and inventory for what the ranch will need is all something a professional adult should do. Yeah Gino is sixteen but he’s still just a teenager. He’s not an adult so why is Lysa putting so much weight on his shoulders?

“It’s not like he doesn’t know what to do. Mariam thought him well and before I left for the rodeo he was often handling the paperworks, payrolls and such so he knows what he has to do.” Sugo quickly explains but still, it’s a lot to put on a single person. Gino isn’t ready to tackle all of that. Maybe in a few months but not right now. Mentally, he’s not ready but in the end it’s really not my place to argue about each of our jobs.

“Okay. I’ll figure something out.” I tell Sugo much to his satisfaction but I’m not exactly sure how I should approach Gino with this though. 

I don't want to insult him or hurt his pride but something needs to be done about all of this. I'm just afraid that I'll make it worse and the thing is, I just don't know where I stand with Gino and not knowing that is driving me crazy. I'm always afraid that I'll fuck everything up.

“You know, before Tomomi says anything. You better put that hat back where you found it.” Sugo tells me as he points towards the hat sitting on my head.

First he decides what kind of work we’ll be doing and of course he decides that he should do more work on the ranch of which will probably end up making me look like a total ass in Pops’ eyes. But, I don’t feel like starting up a fight with him so I compromised. I’ll be more than happy to do Gino’s tasks for him but now he dares meddle into my affairs about my hat!?

He can go eat a pile of shit!

“Gino gave this to me earlier before we rode to Half-Mile Peak.” I tell him as I take off the hat to look at it.

To be honest I adore this hat. It’s actually the first time someone actually gave me something without me asking for it. It was a gift. Gino saw it and decided that I should have it and he probably thought that I would like it too so I won’t get rid of it just to please Sugo.

“Well then forget I said anything.” He quickly says with an odd expression before walking away.

What the hell was that all about?

“Wait a minute!” I call back as I follow him and he stops and turns around to face me. “What’s with this hat?” I ask, rather puzzled.

He scratches his head as if he’s troubled or something and it feels like he said a bit too much and he’s not exactly sure how to respond to my question without further putting his foot in his mouth.

What’s with this hat?

I know from how it feels on my fingertips that it’s definitely not a new hat. I know it must have been a hat that Gino saw laying around that no one was using and he probably figured that I would have better use for it than just letting it gather dust somewhere.

I did look into how it would cost me if I wanted to buy my own cowboy hat yesterday. Since Pops has one and Gino also has one, I figured I should also get myself one. I did find a few but the cheapest ones were made out of straw and they ranged from twenty to sixty bucks. There was no way I’d pay that much for a straw hat so I continued searching around and came upon some made of felt and again the price would vary so much. In terms of price, they were way more expensive than the straw ones. Actually the price didn’t compare.

After a while, I stopped looking at the prices and started getting some information about why some are more expensive than others. I learned that depending how much beaver skin is used to make the felt, it will determine the quality of the hat and thus the price too.

Just to have a decent hat with a fair amount of beaver skin would have cost me over a hundred bucks and the hat that Gino gave me is without a doubt one of those hats who was easily over the five hundreds so I can’t imagine why someone would just carelessly discard something so expensive and still in great condition.

Also from what I found out when I was researching on these hats. It's that a good quality felt hat will last anywhere from twenty years to a lifetime because of the durability of the beaver fur. It’s recommended that if you want to invest in a hat on the long term, it would be best to invest in a higher priced one but it’s perfectly normal for a hat to fade with time and to lose fur, especially if it’s exposed to the elements regularly. 

The hat Gino gave me feels used but the colour hasn't faded. It's completely pitch black the felt isn't damaged either so why it was abandoned, I have no idea.

“You know something. You’re keeping something from Gino aren’t you?” I blurt out the sudden thought that just came into my mind and by the look he just gave me. I definitely hit the jackpot and I’ll be willing to bet that whatever it is, it has to be linked to this hat somehow.

“Sometimes Kougami, there are things better left unspoken. Well until Tomomi says otherwise that is.” He finally answers after a few minutes of silence like he was choosing his words carefully.

Well, I can’t argue with the fact that there are certain things better left unsaid. But, not everything should be kept hidden and what caught my curiosity even more is the part where Sugo said that it will be until Pops says otherwise so whatever Sugo is keeping secret. It’s only because that’s what Pops wants.

What could Pops possibly want to keep secret from Gino? And as I kept thinking, the answer suddenly just hit me like a bolt of lightning. He can’t possibly be hiding such a thing from Gino, no he can’t.

“Do you know something about Gino’s dad?” I dare ask but Sugo’s expression doesn’t give anything away but I’d be willing to bet that’s exactly it but why?

“That’s not for me to say.” He replies before backing away and then stops. “You’re wearing his hat though. Best not speak of it to Nobuchika if you want to remain on Tomomi’s good side that is.” He adds before walking away.

I stare at the hat for a few seconds before hanging it near the halters and I have to wonder if Gino is even aware that this hat once belonged to his father. Better yet, why was it still laying around here? 

That’s just so weird but it’s definitely not something that I will say to Gino. It would just mess him up even more if he knew that remnants of his dad still remains around here for whatever reason.

No use thinking about something that I can’t do anything about and instead of wasting my time, I exit the barn and walk towards the house. I enter and quietly make my way upstairs and head straight to Gino’s door and knock on the wooden door.

“Gino.” I call out in a low tone but he doesn’t answer. I take on the dare to slowly open the door only to find him sitting at his desk which isn’t too surprising but it’s the condition of his room that almost gave me a shock. It’s a complete mess. “Did a hurricane come through here?” I ask as I enter.

Since I’ve been here, Gino always presents himself properly dressed and clean. Nothing is ever in disarray when it comes to his appearance but when it comes to his room, it’s the complete opposite. It’s like his room is a reflection of the state of his mind and that’s not good.

“Kougami please not now. I have so much work to do and I’m soon going to bash my head against the wall.” He tells me, not removing his gaze off his laptop.

“Well I don’t have a hard time understanding why.” I shoot back as I step deeper into his room. “Look at this place, there’s no way that you can work at ease in here. It’s too crowded, no wonder you can’t concentrate on the task at hand.” I further tell him.

Gino’s desk is full of papers, binders and notebooks of which I’ll be assuming must all be about the ranch. He’s got one night table that is not cluttered while the other is also full of office stuff. Everywhere I look in this room, everything that has a surface is currently being overwhelmed by some sort of office material.

“I have to do my work somewhere.” He replies back and right now I feel like grabbing his shoulders and shake him.

“Yeah, in the large office right next to the stalls in the barn.” I quickly shoot back.

“I don’t think I can do this.” He tiredly laments as he buries his face in his hands.

I’m sure once we empty this room from all the office stuff; I know Gino will start feeling better. He’ll be able to relax more and slowly things will start going back to normal. This right now, is far from normal, it’s just plain unacceptable.

“Yes you can. You’re smart and resourceful but you need a proper working space and your bedroom just isn’t it.” I tell him as I rest my hands on his shoulders as I continue. “It’s a place that you should use to relax and rest, not burden yourself with the stress of work.”

“I don’t even know where to begin.” He states and I already kind of figured that’s one of the problems why he hasn’t done anything much.

I’m confident that Gino is a hard worker but right now he keeps going in circle. It's like Sugo said, Gino isn’t functioning right now because he’s overwhelmed. He’s stuck in a cycle of doing the things that he’s familiar to do. Everything that his mom used to do is the problem but he can do them, he just needs help to get himself started.

“Well cleaning up the office in the barn could be a starter. I’ll help you, come on.” I tell him as I pull his chair and get him up to his feet. “And then once that’s done, I’ll help you to unclutter this mess.” I add and he slowly nods.

“Don’t you have work to do?” He asks. I knew that would come up. It’s like he’s repeating what I told him earlier and I can’t tell if he’s teasing me or what?

“Yeah but Sugo is hogging up all the work for himself so I might as well do something with my spare time.” I choose to say with little care as I continue. “Besides, this is a lot to deal with alone and I think you could use a hand to get started.”

I’m relieved that Gino didn’t try to argue with me. To be honest, I was actually expecting him to be somewhat stubborn towards this but no. He’s completely cooperative and if I didn’t know any better, I think he’s rather relieved that he's not doing this alone. But, he’s still dragging his feet as we make our way downstairs and exit the house and I literally have to drag him towards the barn and into the office.

“I’m sure this mess just looks worse than what it is.” I tell him, hoping that somehow it will help to boost his confidence a little about tackling this head on.

“Everything in here can just be stored into boxes to be shredded later. Lysa took all the important papers, everything else are just old stuff.” Gino tells me and if that’s the case well that makes things that much easier for us.

“Okay, well that’s good.” I voice out and ask, “Should we start shredding now or is it something you want to do later?”

“When I say shredding. I mean that grandpa is going to burn what he deems to be trash so we can just box everything. He’ll decide what he wants to do with them later.” Gino explains.

From what I can tell, Pops seems to be the one who operates the heavy machinery around here. He supervises what everyone does and that’s pretty much it but I guess it’s to be expected from a boss.

Cleaning up the office from all the loose papers scattered all around the room, the old newspapers and other random things that seemed rather pointless was a piece of cake when all we had to do was dump everything in plastic containers and before I even knew it the place was almost spotless.

Gino kept a few newspaper clippings of articles related to Heartland and pinned them up on the wall with the other newspaper clippings. 

A few times we found some picture frames that had been hidden under papers. We gave them a proper place and one of them was a picture of Gino’s mom. I must say that I was wrong. I thought that Gino probably resembled his dad the most but no, he’s a spitting image of his mom.

Same eye and hair colour, same facial structure and even the same skin pigmentation. He's really Mariam's son but the one thing that Gino doesn't share with his mom is the shape of his eyes. Well that's something he got from Pops but everything else, it's all Mariam.

“No not that. It’s very important.” I hear Gino say just as I was going to discard an old tattered binder.

“What is it?” I ask as I give it to Gino and he eagerly takes it and places it on the now clean desk.

“My mom’s journal. She filled it up with natural remedies for treating horses from anxiety to indigestion and other ailments. It’s really helpful.” He explains.

“Is it vet approved?” I ask, still looking at the tattered binder that surly needs to be replaced with a new one but that can be done later. It only proves that it’s been used a lot during the years so it has to be very useful.

“Not really but Saiga approves of them though. Some remedies in here have saved a few horses’ lives in the past.” Gino states.

If natural remedies can be just as effective as medication prescribed from a vet. It wouldn’t surprise me if it were not approved by a professional since they would lose so much money. I’m glad to hear at least Heartland’s main vet does approve of them. 

I’ve only seen Saiga once but he seems to be a down to earth kind of guy who does his job because he cares about animals and that he's not in the business for the money.

“Thanks to our cleaning up the place, we managed to find this gem then.” I tell him and finally, I can say that we are done in here.

With all this clutter now gone and everything properly organized in their rightful place. The office looks twice as large and Gino will be able to do some real work now at ease. He’ll be able to put his things near him and everything will just be clearer. He’ll quickly see that this is all he needed all along.

“Yeah, thanks.” He tells me with a soft smile and adds, “I had been meaning to do it for a while but I was never able to before so thank you.”

“Glad I could help.” I reply as I step closer towards Gino, never breaking eye contact.

Should I touch him or shouldn’t I? I want to lay my hands on his hips but I'm afraid that my action won't be reciprocated if I do so. I can’t tell what it is that he wants, he’s not giving me any hints about if he might be interested in me or not. He’s not backing away from me so is that a yes or is it a no? If I make a move now, will I regret it later?

I can't continue like this. I have to know, I just hope I won't regret it.

“Gino-”

“Don’t.” He quickly cuts me off, pressing his hand on my chest slightly pushing me back. “I’m not attracted to anyone. Not romantically or sexually, I just can’t.” He adds but he doesn’t look at me as he spoke as if he’s ashamed of what he is.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of and I think it's rather beautiful. 

“That’s okay Gino. I understand and I respect that.” I tell him and somehow I’m not disappointed but my heart is beating really fast but it’s probably from nervousness.

It’s weird, I should be disappointed and sad even but I’m not. Instead I’m content.

“Friends?” I ask hoping that I can have at least that.

“Yeah, it’s all I can give.“ He tells me and that’s fine with me. It's more than enough, his friendship means a lot to me.

My heart is still beating fast but it’s starting to slow down and I put a little distance from Gino. The last thing I want to do is to make him feel uncomfortable. I guess I must have been rather obvious about how I felt for him since he cut me off before I could say anything.

So I guess Gino is what you’d call an aromatic asexual, he’s not attracted to anyone sexually. To him, sex holds no importance and he’s not into romance either so that pretty much means that a relationship with him is pretty much out of the question. And yet, I still want to be around him. 

I don’t care if I can never kiss him or have something on an intimate level. As long I can have his friendship, his company it’s all I care about and it’s weird that I feel that way. I couldn’t care less if I never have sex ever again if it means I can stay with Gino and the truth is that I never thought I'd hear myself say that.

“What an excellent job you boys did.”

The sudden voice of a woman snaps me out of my thoughts and I quickly turn around to face a woman who looks to be in her mid-forties or maybe she might be older but either way she has a pretty youthful appearance with her thick blond hair and slim figure.

Her facial expression seems gentle and yet I get this feeling that she can be quite stern if she has to. She also gives me a kind of business woman vibe and yet by how casual she’s dressed she gives another kind of vibe. I don’t know but one thing that I do know is that she seems rather down to earth and rather beautiful considering her age.

“Hey Lysa.” Gino casually voices out and I almost chocked on my own saliva just now.

Oh fuck!

That’s Lysa Byron!?

Wow!

She’s nothing like I had imagined her. I always imagined the owner of Fairfield ranch to be this high class business woman who’s always dressed in the finest of clothing and decorated with the finest of jewelries. And yet, the person that I’m looking at right now isn’t wearing any jewelry and her clothing is something that every day normal people would wear.

“Everything I’ve been working on is still in my room though.” Gino tells her and she gives him a warm and gentle smile.

“Okay. Are you ready to bring your work in here?” She asks him in a soft and caring tone.

I already like this woman. She knows exactly how to approach Gino. She knows exactly what to say to make him feel comfortable, to make him feel at ease. The moment he saw her, his facial expression suddenly changed and I like that. Lysa should come to Heartland way more often; she has a positive effect on him.

“I think so.” He answers with a slight nod as he steps closer to Lysa and she puts an arm over Gino’s shoulders in a loose hug.

“Let’s get started then.” She voices out and gives me a smile as they walk out of the office.

I let out the air that I had been unconsciously holding in my lungs as I step out of the office and exit the barn. 

I watch Gino and Lysa enter the house just as Saiga arrives to pick up the cougar cub.

Today was one hell of a day. First Gino almost gets attacked by a cougar and then we went up to Half-Mile Peak only to find an orphaned cougar cub on our way back. 

We got the office cleaned up. I somehow confessed my feelings for Gino and they were not returned but I learned something new about Gino which makes me love him even more.

I met the rich Lysa Byron who turned out to be the complete opposite of what I had thought she'd be and I just feel great. Now that my deepest secret has been revealed to Gino and that I know where I stand with him, I just feel free. I love this feeling…


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Masaoka**

Today was a good day.

It started off a little shaky with the cougar incident this morning but no one got hurt and that’s what matters the most. The rest of the day went by without a snitch and I must say that Sugo could not have arrived in a better time. I was not expecting him until the end of the month so the work load will change quite a bit and things will get done much faster than I had previously anticipated. 

I’m extremely proud of my grandson today. He took such a large step forward and part of it I have to thank Kou for giving Nobuchika some confidence that he so needed to move forward. Today, I truly feel that I’m starting to regain my grandson again. He’s coming around and he’s doing great. I'm really proud of him, so proud.

It took a lot of guts to go up to Half-Mile Peak to visit his mother’s grave today. It took even more guts to clean up the office in the barn and to finally get his room back in order all in the same day. From what Lysa has told me, everything is now in perfect in order too. Nobuchika is all caught up in his work and that’s some excellent news.

“I miss Monty already.” My granddaughter voices out as she rests her head onto Lysa's shoulder.

I will not admit it but I do miss that little face. It’s definitely not something you see every day and the little cub served as a good distraction for my granddaughter today. 

Jouji assured me that Monty would relocated in a friendly facility until he’s old enough to care for itself and that it would be well cared for.

“I know sweetie.” Lysa says wrapping her arms around my granddaughter to give her a hug for comfort. “Maybe it would be a good idea to add a new member in the family. A cute fluffy little kitten jumping around would put some life into this house.” She adds. Staring at me as she spoke and I have to stop myself from smiling.

“No.” I quickly answer back and I have to work very hard to keep a straight poker face on when my granddaughter is staring at me as if this kitten is a matter of life and death and she can’t come up with a story good enough to tell me in order to try and change my decision.

Getting a kitten for my granddaughter was something that Lysa and I have been discussing together for some time now. I know that Mika has always wanted a cat but my daughter was allergic to them so having one around wasn’t a good idea. But now, it doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

Mika has been very strong this past month and I know it hasn’t been easy for her. With everything that’s been going on lately, I also haven’t had much time for my dear granddaughter and god knows that she deserves a little piece of joy in her life. She more than deserves a pet to call her own after all she’s not very fond of horses. She loves them but after she fell off her horse many years ago, she never got on one again. The fear of falling off remains strong in my granddaughter and I don’t believe that forcing her to get back on the saddle is a very good idea either.

If Mika does decide to get back on the saddle, it will be on her own terms, not mine and if she doesn't. Well, I respect her decision.

“It’s decided then. A kitten it is!” Lysa declares playfully. I say nothing but I give her a smile and I see my granddaughter’s face light up in pure joy and that was well worth waiting for.

I love that woman.

Ever since my wife died many years ago, it’s been rough for me and my daughter. I know firsthand how hard it is to raise a child all alone. I’ve seen the pain that it causes to a child to lose a parent and I had promised myself that I would do everything in my power to protect my grandchildren from such a thing but the world is cruel. My grandchildren ended up losing both of them ever the same.

I wanted Mariam to have a happy life and I thought that she was finally going to have that when she met Mika’s father. That young man was everything I had always hoped for my daughter. He was kind hearted, gentle hand and hard working. He treated my grandson with utter most kindness and love even though he wasn’t his. He was simply the perfect father, he was just too perfect for it to last…

Three years ago, Lysa came into our lives right after the barn had gone up in smoke. I had received severe injuries when I was caught in a brawl to try and defend my home.

My daughter had been devastated and the grand-kids were riddled with anxiety after it became known to them that someone had set the barn on fire and that this person was also responsible for almost killing their grandfather.

Lysa had been the one to keep the family strong even though she had no obligations to do so. She sheltered my grand-kids as much as she could and helped Mariam take care of them during my hospitalization and when I finally came home. I was greeted with a new barn that looked exactly like my old one and all of that had been thanks to Lysa.

I never thought I could ever fall for another woman again like I had loved my wife but I did and I just feel so blessed to have Lysa in my life. It took me a while to ask her out, I felt like I was betraying Sae. That I was betraying her memories but after seeing just how great Mariam and Lysa got along together. I knew it was just right.

Lysa had become somewhat of a mother to my daughter and now she's doing the exact same thing with my grand-kids. They adore Lysa with all their heart and just knowing that makes me love that woman even more.

The sound of something vibrating catches my attention as I look towards my grandson only to see him glued onto that damn cellphone again.

“Nobuchika for once please turn that thing off.” I voice out catching everyone’s attention including Nobuchika's in the process.

Tonight we're not doing anything special which is true. We've all decided to do a simple movie night but this is none the less a gathering time with the family and other than the television. No technology is permitted to interfere with family night.

“Sorry, Risa just texted me. she just got back from her trip and she wanted to know if we can go riding tomorrow.” He tells me as he continues typing much to my dismay.

“How long has she been gone?” Lysa asks with curiosity.

“Three weeks. The last time I saw her was at the hospital not long after I woke up.” Nobuchika answers after he puts the phone away.

I remember that young little lady was almost in tears and was so conflicted about if she should go on that trip with her mother or not. In the end, everyone convinced Risa to go and that everything would be fine after all Nobuchika was finally awake and would no longer be in any danger.

There wasn’t a single day that Risa did not call to know about how Nobuchika was doing, if he had improved or not during the time he was in his coma. It was very hard to answer all of her questions when everything was still very fresh for us all but Lysa took care of that too. That woman is the strongest person I have ever seen.

“I think it’s a good idea to spend some time with a good friend and being away from here a little bit would do you some good too. After all, you’ve been working really hard.” Lysa further states and I must say that I agree. Other than driving up to Fairfield this week, Nobuchika hasn’t left Heartland once.

“I’ll need the truck and the trailer tomorrow. We’ll be riding the trail near Big River ranch.” Nobuchika tells me and I have to ask myself why that trail in specifics. Heartland has plenty of trails to ride but once teenagers get their mindset onto something, it's kind of hard to get them to change their minds.

“Tomorrow will be an off day. I’ve got some things that I need to take care of tomorrow in town anyhow so I'll be using the other truck but don’t go wandering off onto that ranch, stick to the trail.” I tell Nobuchika and he nods.

I don’t want him wandering so close to Big River ranch but if I tell him to stay off the ranch entirely then I know that’s where he’ll want to go. If it had been a regular day well I would have tried to talk him out of going onto that trail near that ranch but there shouldn’t be any complications tomorrow so it should be fine and from the look Lysa just gave me, she understands exactly what is on my mind.

“Anything in specifics you want me to do tomorrow Pops?” Kou asks me, finally breaking his long silence. I was starting to think that maybe a cat had bitten off his tongue or something of the sort.

“Tomorrow is Saturday so we’ll call it an off day Kou.” I answer.

“Alright then. Before it gets any worse, I’m going to my loft.” Kou declares as he gets up and stretches his arms over his head.

It looks like tonight will be a down poor again but we do need the rain early in the summer because if we don’t. By mi-summer we could be looking towards a nasty drought and that’s not good at all. It’s not uncommon for hay to catch on fire during the dry season. Hay is just terrible to spontaneously combust. It’s one of the reasons why you do not keep a lot of heavily compacted hay inside of a barn. If you do, well you’re asking for some trouble. 

“The leaky loft you mean.” Nobuchika adds blankly and immediately I get a sharp glare from Lysa.

I won’t deny that the roof of the barn is in rough shape at the moment after the strong winds and hail we received last summer. A good amount of roofing paper got ripped off during those wild winds but there were some things that needed to be prioritized before the roof of the barn.

“That barn needs a new roofing; it’s not even a luxury at this point.” Lysa states and it’s true, I can’t deny that it does need a brand new roofing. “That boy can’t sleep in that loft; actually a barn is no place to sleep at all.” Lysa adds in Kou's defense and I had a feeling that this would come up.

“It’s not that bad.” Kou voices out but I can feel it in his tone that he doesn’t mean what he said at all. He’s not very fond of the loft and that’s understandable but-

“No, a roof that leaks leads to rot and mold and therefor you are not sleeping in there.” Lysa further says and continues, “There’s a spare bedroom upstairs. You’ll sleep in there for as long as you’ll be here in Heartland.”

“Pops?”

I meet Kou’s gaze as if looking for an answer from me.

Everything that boy does here; he never does anything without my approval first. I’ve noticed from the start since he's been here that he holds what I think of him very dearly. Even right now, he must be well aware that what Lysa decides around here, it pretty much sticks but he waits for what I will decide anyway.

I do have a spare bedroom in this house. It had not always been the case in the past though. It was my daughter’s room and everything that she left behind after her death still remains in there. Nothing has been changed or touched but I think it’s time to move on and to finally close the lid.

“Lysa has a very good point.” I agree and Kou sits back down on the couch where he had occupied for the last hour.

“I promise you won’t even be able to tell that I’m here.” Kou assures me.

“Kou, as long as you choose to stay here. This is your home.” I tell him.

It's something that I should have said on the first day he arrived here and I didn't. But, it’s time that someone gives that boy a chance to prosper, to allow him to show what it is that he can do.

I hear the soft buzzing again and not a second after I heard it; Nobuchika has that damn cellphone in his hands again. I’m soon going to take all of those plastic electronics and I will store them inside of a safe in the evening. This is getting really ridiculous.

“Nobuchika put that thing away already. You can talk to Risa tomorrow, you’ll have all the time in the world.” I tell him again.

“High Hill Ridge just sent me an email regarding Bucky.” Nobuchika replies as he lightly taps on the phone of his screen before continuing. “Apparently they’re still having problems with him and that’s just weird because the last time I saw Bucky was last week and he was fine. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

“Didn’t mom work on Bucky herself?” Mika asks.

“Yes she did which is why I’m even more confused because there’s no way mom would have cleared a horse if there was still something wrong with it and she said so herself that he was fine.” Nobuchika answers his sister’s question.

I warned Mariam to ignore the request from High Hill Ridge. I’ve never been a huge fan of the Touganes. That’s never been a secret but at the time, Mariam told me that it would have been bad business to turn down a client just because I did not like them so I allowed her to do what she thought was best.

That horse Bucky, he’s nothing special or extraordinary in any way. I’d say in terms of performance he’s simply just an average jumping horse. Bucky just isn’t a horse to use if you plan on going far in show jumping so why Tougane wants to fix this horse so badly is beyond me.

Last week when that horse was in Heartland. I watched Nobuchika ride Bucky on the jumping field and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that horse. Nobuchika had absolutely no problems handling the animal what so ever. I even watched him afterwards and that horse has no behavioral problems what so ever.

“Maybe it’s something at the ranch over there.” Kou suggests and that could be it but I seriously doubt it though.

“Maybe but I can’t go before Sunday morning.” Nobuchika replies as he gently tosses his phone onto the coffee table and I must say that I am very pleased to see that thing out of his hands and even more pleased that he hasn't canceled his plans with Risa for High Hill Ridge.

I cautiously take out the small device that I’ve been keeping in my pocket for some time now but I’ve been debating with myself very strongly if I should give it to Nobuchika or not. At the time when I saw it, I didn’t hesitate to buy it. It looks like a regular smartphone that most kids use now a days but it’s not quite the actual thing.

“I’ve been meaning to give this to you Nobuchika. I want you to carry this with you at all times when you’re not home.” I tell him as I brace myself for the definite argument that's sure to ensure.

Nobuchika takes the device when I hand it over to him and like I knew he would, he looks at it for a few seconds before giving me a sharp look. Didn’t take too much time for him to realize exactly what it is.

“A taser? Seriously grandpa?” He asks and I can smell the disapproval in his tone.

I know that Nobuchika is a young man now and he’s capable but he’s still my grandson none the less and I deeply care for his well-being. It’s not just him, I got a similar one for Mika as well. In this day and age, you just can never be too careful.

“Your injuries have not fully healed yet and I would have some peace of mind knowing that you have something to defend yourself with.” I tell him.

By all means Nobuchika has not been cleared to lift anything over ten pounds yet. Not to mention that his head injury is not fully healed either and that worries me a little because he has been telling Lysa about how he feels like he has a nerve that pulls in his neck when he turns his head sometimes and when it happens, it always sends a light jolt on the left side of his head. That it starts at the base of the neck and then it slowly goes up to the scalp.

Apparently it’s not something that happens every day and Lysa believes that it might just be symptoms of Occipital Neuralgia but she advised me not to worry since it might not be that either. Nobuchika isn’t experiencing any other symptoms. He doesn’t have any headaches or anything of the sort so it might be nothing in the end and even if it was Occipital Neuralgia it’s not life threatening but I still worry for my grandson's health.

“Defend myself from what exactly? Come on grandpa, I’m not a little child anymore.” Nobuchika tells me and I understand that it might feel as if I do not trust him but I do. I simply don’t trust most people with the care of my family that's all.

“I agree with your grandfather.“ Lysa jumps in my defense. ”You never know when you might need such a thing. I’ve once seen someone use a taser as a defibrillator and it saved a life. You can even use it to start a fire if you somehow get stranded, it’s handy when you’re in a tight jam.” She further adds and to be honest I hadn’t thought of any of those things that Nobuchika could do with it so that’s rather interesting.

 “Fine…” He finally agrees as he stares at the black taser in disguise.

“You might be able to jolt a cougar if we’re not around.” Kou blurts out forcing a smile on my grandson’s face.

Hopefully such a scenario never happens.

**XXX**

* * *

**XXX**

A loud cracking thunder jolts me awake and the sound of the rain heavily pouring down is the next thing that catches my attention and I can’t help but sigh at the sound of both things. The rain was good and all but we could have done well without the added thunder. I know that Nobuchika doesn’t sleep anymore when it thunders outside.

“Gino, what the hell are you doing up? Go to bed.” I hear Kou say in the hallway followed by another loud roaring thunder.

“I can’t sleep.” I hear Nobuchika reply back.

I get up and waste little time going to the door. I slowly open the door, careful not to make it creek before stepping out into the empty hallway. I’ll assume Kou either sent Nobuchika back to his bedroom or they’re both together and that is not going to happen under my roof. It was one of the main reason why I shipped Kou into the loft in the first place.

“You can’t keep up like this; you’ll end up burning yourself out.” I hear Kou speak again and his voice is definitely coming from Nobuchika’s bedroom. “You’re afraid of thunder aren’t you? It got worse after accident didn’t it?” He asks and I stop halfway in the hall in order to listen.

“I keep remembering things that I just want to forget.” Nobuchika answers back.

“Is Pops aware of this?” Kou asks and now I’m even more attentive.

I knew that Nobuchika has never been much of a fan of thunder ever since he was a little boy and sometimes he had a hard time sleeping due to that but he hasn’t told me anything about it being worse since the accident but it doesn't surprise me. I wish that he would have come to me with this.

“I haven’t told grandpa because I don’t want him to worry about me. I don’t want him to think that I’m weak.” He tells Kou and I feel a jab in my heart.

My grandson is anything but weak, he is strong just like my daughter was. I could never think of him as being weak for such a thing.

“You’re not weak Gino.” Kou states and I fully agree. “You went through something so horrible recently. No one expects you to get over this immediately but you can’t refuse help from those who care about you either.” He adds.

“You should go to bed Kougami. I’ll be fine.” Nobuchika tells him.

“I’m not going to bed until you fall asleep.” Kou replies and I hear the mattress creaking slightly and it’s taking everything to stop me from entering that room but I’m not budging from this spot until that boy comes out of my grandson's room and for his safety he better be out in thirty minutes max. “I can’t make the thunder go away but I can help to make it more bearable.” He adds.

I cross my arms and casually look at my watch here and there and each time that I do, the long hand is coming closer to the thirty minute mark and then just as I go to take a step I hear the mattress slightly creak again and then light footsteps coming closer and I finally see Kou step out of the room and as he saw me standing in the hallway another loud crack of thunder shook the air and I believe in that moment he probably had a small heart attack.

“I’ve got my eyes on you Kou.” I tell him in a low voice just for the sake of intimidating him.

He nervously nods his understanding of my words and I watch him go back into my daughter’s old room and I must say I rather enjoyed that.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Kougami**

I seriously fucked up last night and the thing is that I know it looked really bad on my end too. It really wasn’t what it looked like at all and in the moment when Pops saw me in the hallway, I couldn’t talk. I was completely frozen and all I could do was nod as I retreated back into my room but I couldn’t fall asleep right away after that.

This morning when I got up, Pops was already gone so I couldn’t explain myself about what he saw last night. I seriously need to talk to him and tell him my side of the story before it bites me in the ass later.

I know it looked so bad.

Shit!

In the moment before I got caught by Pops. I really enjoyed holding Gino into my arms until he fell asleep knowing that I was providing him with comfort and security. I didn’t intend to stay all night with him. Just long enough for Gino to finally fall asleep and my plan worked too but I guess I didn’t really think things through.

Gino’s friend arrived early this morning and apparently she’ll be taking Cherry to ride but she didn’t prepare her horse herself at all and she simply allowed Gino to do it all himself. She just watched him do all the work himself of which I think is kind of lame on her part. I mean if you want to go riding, you should prep your own horse. You don't leave it to someone else to do but Gino doesn’t seem to mind. 

It’s rather obvious that she has a major crush on Gino though but he seems rather oblivious to it or he’s doing the same thing he did with me.

“Kou!” Kagari shouts at me in the back of the barn. “I heard you found a baby cougar yesterday!” He adds as he joins me outside of the barn with Copper in tow.

“Yeah but that was all Gino’s doing. He’s the one who heard it.” I tell him.

Gino sure has a good set of ears because the noises that little guy made as we rode back to the ranch was so faint that you could hardly hear it but I’m glad that Gino heard it crying in the woods when he did because I fear that Monty wouldn’t have survived a day on its own and without a doubt he would have been attacked by another predator and not to mention with last night's storm. It would have been a total massacre for Monty. 

“Is it still here?” Kagari asks.

“No, Saiga came to pick it up yesterday in the late afternoon.” I answer back as I watch Gino guide Cherry into the back of the trailer carefully.

“Aww man! I missed it!” Kagari laments rather dramatically.

This kid is such an idiot but I can’t seem able to bring myself to hate him. He’s got a charm that makes him too adorable and all I want to do is ruffle his hair and give him one hell of a hard time just for the fun of it.

The violent scream of a horse bolts me out of my thoughts and I see Nymeria standing on her back legs and Gino is holding on to the reins. Trying to get the black mare to calm down and he succeeds with little effort.

“Gino are you okay?” I ask him as I get closer just to make sure that he’s alright.

“I’m fine…” He answers as he strokes Nymeria’s forehead in order to further calm her down. “She’s afraid of the trailer. It never occurred to me that she might be afraid of it…” He tells me.

Gino told me that when his mom had lost control of the truck, they had lost the trailer at some point before colliding with a tree. It must have been very traumatic for Nymeria and the thought that she might have a fear of trailers now had never even occurred to me either so Gino can’t blame himself for that. After all, you can’t know something until you’ve tried it and now we know that Nymeria is afraid of entering in a trailer but I’m sure it’s something that Gino can fix.

“It’s okay; you have a lot on your mind.” Risa assures him and she’s right.

Gino has only been back home for two weeks now and he’s been pretty busy with clients from what I can tell and not to mention his own personal trauma and problems so he can’t think of everything. It's only natural that certain things won't occur to him until certain problems arises but that's okay.

“Copper is all saddled up and ready to ride, Gino.” I tell him as I see Kagari come closer with Copper in tow and I take the reins from his hands and give it to Gino for him to take.

“Oh, thanks.” He replies as he accepts the reins and leads Copper into the trailer and I lead Nymeria back towards the barn with Kagari hot on my heels.

“I was going to ride Copper. Why’d you do that!?” He asks and I think just now if he could, he would probably try to hit me for what I just did.

“Gino hasn’t seen his friend in three weeks. Just cut him some slack Kagari, he was looking forward to this.” I tell him as we enter the barn and I unfasten Nymeria’s saddle and take it off her back.

“Copper is my horse.” He states.

I understand that Copper is his horse but you have to say it quick because technically Copper legally still belongs to Heartland and thus Gino can do whatever he wants with Copper. If Gino wants to ride him one morning, there is nothing that Kagari can do or say about it.

“Well, technically Kagari. Copper still belongs to Heartland since you haven’t done nearly enough sweat equity to fully pay for him. Not to mention that even once you’ve paid him off with work, Heartland is still the one who will feed it and give it the medical care that it needs.” I tell him as I store the saddle in its rightful place and I hung the saddle blanket over Nymeria's saddle.

“Okay fine…” Kagari shoots back with an attitude and I ignore him as I lead Nymeria back into her stall.

Instead of complaining, maybe he should actually be doing some work around here. So far, I haven’t seen Kagari do any kind of work at all around here. At this rate, he won’t be buying Copper any time soon and I have to question if he even wants him or not but it’s not my place to ask.

I grab the box that I filled with the stuff I had in the loft and I go into the house to better settle myself into my new room and even though Lysa said that I could use this room for as long as I’ll be staying here in Heartland. I can’t put away any of the stuff that was already in here. It’s all something that once belonged to Gino’s mom and I feel if I put anything away, I’ll disrespect her memory.

I store the box in the corner of the room and I pull out my laptop before sitting on the bed and I start researching for possible ways to help a horse to pass its fear of trailers due to past traumas and there are so many different kinds of articles saying different things. Most of the methods used in these articles sound rather brutal to do to an already traumatized horse and I seriously doubt it that it could work either.

I seriously doubt it that Gino would do any of those things with Nymeria. His approach towards horses are always gentle. He always takes everything nice and easy with them so I have to think of something gentle here. I need to find something to encourage Nymeria to enter the trailer all by herself without actually forcing her but at the same time, I need something to coax her still…

Horse trailers have double doors. The main back doors and on the right side of the trailer you can also open it so maybe if I show her that a trailer isn’t a jail cell that maybe it would make her feel more at ease and…Yes that’s it!

I close my laptop and make my way back outside and the sound of hooves hitting the gravel catches my attention and I see that little brat sitting on Nymeria who’s back all saddled up.

“You didn’t!” I blurt out as I run towards him. “Kagari get off that horse right now!” I demand and he mounts off the black mare as he gives me a little attitude in doing so.

“Relax Kou. I just took Nymeria out for a little ride exactly like I wanted to but you like gave Copper to Gino so.” He tells me like it’s no big deal.

I really can’t believe that kid sometimes. I seriously can’t believe that he saddled up Nymeria again and took her out for a ride without permission. What the hell was he thinking? Nymeria is an abused and traumatized horse. Yeah she’s fine with Gino but it doesn’t mean that she’ll be okay with anyone else. He’s such an idiot; he could have gotten seriously injured by pulling this stunt.

“You couldn’t have waited for like two hours couldn’t you?” I ask him as I lead Nymeria towards the barn and Kagari follows. “Nymeria is Gino’s horse, she means a lot to him.” I further tell him but at this point I'm sounding more like I'm lecturing the kid.

Nymeria is the horse that Gino’s mom died saving. This horse is the last piece of fragment that’s keeping his mom alive so Nymeria isn’t just a horse to him and I'll be damned if something would happen to her. Gino needs Nymeria in order to recover from his own trauma. Actually they both need each other.

“I just went for a small ride. No harm done.” Kagari states again but that's not the point. It's not the fact that he took a short ride, it's the fact that he did it without anyone's permission. That's the problem.

“Yeah, whatever.” I mutter back as I remove the saddle and the blanket off Nymeria’s back when something catches my eyes and I quickly drop the saddle onto a table in the barn and I return my attention onto Nymeria as I feel her coat. “She’s sweating like crazy, what the hell did you do Kagari?” I ask him as I further inspect Nymeria.

There are many wet patches all over her body and her breathing is somewhat ragged too like she has been running for a very long time. The hell did Kagari do?

“Nothing. I just took a ride through the trail but then I had to get off to clear the trail from fallen branches and while I was doing that she wandered off near the road but nothing happened.” Kagari tells me and I can feel the building anxiety in his tone as he spoke.

I know he probably meant well and he wouldn’t have put Nymeria in any danger on purpose but he got careless.

“The trail near the road? Kagari the field over there was sprayed with pesticides early this morning.” I say when I suddenly remembered what Mika had told me this morning and then a dreadful thought hit me. “Did Nymeria eat any of the grass!?” I ask urgently.

“I don’t know! Maybe!” Kagari answers clearly starting to panic.

This is bad and to make matters worse Pops isn't here nor is Gino so what should I do?

I need to act fast!

“Okay keep her moving!” I tell him before bolting into the office and I waste little time dialing the number of the vet. “Come on pick up, pick up…”

It feels like an eternity. Like time has suddenly gone into slow-motion as it keeps on ringing and ringing. I know it’s only been a few rings, not even a minute has passed even but it feels like so long before I hear the line pick up.

“Saiga Veterinary Clinic.” Saiga says over a bit of static.

“Saiga, its Kougami from the Heartland ranch. I need you over here immediately, it’s an emergency!” I tell him in all haste. Trying to control the ever growing anxiety in my voice but I seriously doubt it that I’m doing a very good job right now.

“Okay calm down Kougami. What’s the emergency?” He asks calmly but damn what’s with this static. The last time I called him, the line wasn’t full of static like it is right now.

“Nymeria. Gino’s horse, you know the black mare from the accident?” I ask him a bit too frantic.

“Yes I know which one. What’s wrong with it?” He confirms and asks.

“She’s sweating pretty badly and I'm not sure but I think she might have eaten grass contaminated with freshly sprayed pesticide from this morning.” I explain the best as I can.

“Is she foaming? Is she producing foam from her mouth?” He asks.

“No.” I answer back. 

As far as I know, she isn’t but she’s sweating pretty badly though and that’s alarming enough for me. Not to mention that her breathing isn't giving me much comfort in the slightest.

“Okay,  good. I’m on my way. I’m already on the road; I’ll be there in about thirty minutes.” He tells me and that explains the static.

“Thank you.” I thank him before hanging up the phone back onto the receiver.

I leave the office and watch Kagari from the barn entrance as he paces around with Nymeria in tow. I can see that she’s declining. Her health is deteriorating by the minute and as Kagari turned around and she followed, I see a bit of white substance starting to form around her muzzle.

This isn’t good. I know Saiga asked me about if she was foaming but he didn’t say what it could mean but I’m sure it can’t be a good sign and Saiga is still a good thirty minutes away. 

I don’t think Nymeria can wait that long and I can’t let her die. It would devastate Gino completely if that horse dies; he can’t lose Nymeria like he lost Tempest. I can’t allow that to happen.

I head back into the office and quickly grab the journal that Gino’s mom left behind and I quickly scan through each page in all haste. I remember that Gino told me how this book was full of natural remedies and that some of them had saved a few horses’ lives in the past so there has to be something that can help Nymeria. I’ve got nothing to lose.

I flip page after page frantically for something. Anything that could help me and then I found something that might work. I’m not too sure but it’s worth a try. It only says that it’s a detoxification of intoxications but it has to work and if not I don’t’ think it will matter much anyway because I don’t think Nymeria will last until Saiga arrives. I have to take a gamble here, I’ve got nothing to lose but I have to try something.

The instructions in here sound fairly simple to do. I must give the intoxicated horse an activated charcoal slurry followed by a laxative. 

The slurry seems to be the most complex step to make since I have to mix a bunch of powder with water together and then force feed it to the horse followed by giving it a laxative. But, the slurry is the most important thing to give it would seem so by the time Saiga arrives, I might not need to give Nymeria the laxative.

I head out of the office with the journal in hand and head towards the supply room. I quickly start searching frantically for the charcoal powder for the slurry and much to my relief there’s a huge container full of the stuff. Near it, are a few empty jugs and these have definitely been used for such a predicament before. Each jug is written how much powder to put in and there’s a mark just to indicate exactly where I should fill it with water which makes my job that much easier.

I waste no time adding the powder into the jugs and I quickly fill each one with water until they are all full to the mark but now administering all five jugs sure won’t be an easy task to do.

“Kagari! Bring Nymeria in here!” I shout as I find a funnel attached to a long hose so I’m going to assume that this is what they used to administer the slurry before.

I shift the jugs into the main part of the barn just as Kagari enters with Nymeria in tow and she looks terrible and she has a bunch of white foam coming out of her mouth.

Fuck!

“Hold her.” I order and Kagari does exactly as I say without complaints. Allowing me to shove the hose into Nymeria’s mouth much to her annoyance but pouring the mixture into the funnel isn’t easy as she shakes her head to free herself but Kagari manages to keep her steady and prevents her from backing away from me.

“Hey what’s going on here?” Sugo asks in alarm and as much as I hate the guy and I just can’t fucking stand him, he couldn’t have pop up at a better time.

“I need your help. Hold this; Nymeria needs to drink all of this stuff now.” I tell him as I hand him the hose and he takes it allowing me to pour the second jug with much more ease than the first one.

“What’s going on Kougami?” He further asks but keeps the funnel steady still and helps Kagari to keep Nymeria steady.

“Nymeria has been intoxicated with pesticide. We can’t let her die.” I tell him as I pour out the third jug much to Nymeria’s dismay as she further struggles to free herself.

Hold on girl, just a little bit longer.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Ginoza**

“Do you have a plan on how to fix Nymeria?” Risa asks.

I honestly can’t believe that I didn’t think about testing her with the trailer sooner. It completely crossed out of my mind that Nymeria would have been afraid to enter a trailer again considering what she went through.

I'm so stupid!

Nymeria was lucky that she didn’t get injured in that accident since the trailer tipped over on its side. She could have received a serious injury stuck in there but she didn’t receive a single scratch or anything. Nymeria was really lucky.

“No, not yet.” I answer back.

Well it’s mostly half truth since I do know how I could do it. The thing is though, I also don’t want to push Nymeria too quickly but I can’t wait too long either.

Already a month has passed since the accident and if I don’t work with her soon in order to fix the trauma with trailers that she has. I might never be able to fix it and the fear will always remain. I just hope that it’s not too late.

“You weren’t kidding when you said that she was gorgeous.” Risa suddenly voices out. Obviously hoping to change the subject in order to fix the gloomy mood that has settled in for a while now as we quietly ride in the deserted trail.

The Big River is considerately high for this time of year but that can only mean that the fishing season will be even better this summer so that should make grandpa rather happy I think.

“I wouldn’t exaggerate on such a thing.” I reply back.

There’s something about a black horse that I just love. I don’t know why but I prefer that colour over the ones that are spotted like a cow. I know those ones are much rarer but I don’t know, rarity has never appealed to me much.

When I stare into Nymeria’s black eyes. I don’t know, I just have this soothing sensation go through me. I love that horse with all my heart and I’m glad that I was able to get her to calm down to what she is now. 

I was really afraid that I wouldn't have been able to save her and the fear of Saiga being obligated to put her down back then was my biggest nightmare. But in the end, I got Nymeria to calm down and ever since that day, she's been the best thing that's ever happened to me.

“No, you sure wouldn’t but you forgot to mention how your new stable hand is hot as hell too.” Risa playfully adds and I should have known that one was coming from a mile away.

“What!?” I ask, not bothering to try and hide my grin knowing full well what she meant as I add, “Maybe you should date him then.”

“As if, but seriously, are you somewhat attracted to him?” She asks and I just want to laugh at the question. “He sure is attracted to you by what I’ve seen and he also seems like a nice guy.” Risa further adds.

I can’t deny that Kougami is a good guy and he’s very thoughtful too. He didn’t have to do what he did last night but he still did it and he didn’t care about staying up with me until I was able to fall asleep either. The thing is that I’m angry with myself and I feel guilty for not being able to return the feelings. I just can’t bring myself to do so and I feel like it's not fair for Kougami.

“He is and I know that he’s attracted to me but I’m not.” I admit and I continue, “We’re just friends, that’s all I can be and he’s okay with that.”

“That’s fine. As long as you’re happy that’s what matters in the end. I just don’t want you to feel like there’s something wrong with you or anything. You’re fine as is.” Risa tells me and even though it wasn’t necessary for her to say, I still appreciate it and it's reassuring to say the least.

For so long I felt like there was something wrong with me. I would see everyone around me being attracted to the opposite gender or the same gender and many would enter in relationships and here I was on the sidelines not having interest in any of those things. I felt alienated but now I don’t feel like it’s a bad thing to feel this way.

“I know that.” I say.

The air today feels a lot cooler and there’s barely any humidity today too which is good and that means that the chances of getting another thunderstorm tonight is very low which is great.

“Hey, I was thinking that maybe we could go to our prom together.” Risa suddenly blurts out and it kind of caught me off-guard a little. I can’t believe that she’s already thinking about that, summer has just started.

“Kind of early to talk about the prom. We haven’t started our senior year yet.” I voice out.

To be honest, I don’t really care for the prom. I mean it’s just a formal event where guys all wear tuxedos and fancy suits and the girls all wear these fancy gowns. They make such a huge fuss about the whole thing when it only lasts a few hours so is it even worth attending?

“I know but I also know how you are and if I leave it to you, you’ll end up not going at all and you’re my best friend and prom won’t be fun without you there.” Risa adds almost like she was able to read my mind exactly to the point.

A month before the accident, Risa had confessed to me about the feelings that she had for me. Apparently she had feelings for me for a very long time but she had always been too nervous to ask me before that moment. She was afraid about what would happen between us if I knew how she felt but nothing has changed. The only thing that happened was that I just couldn’t return her feelings just like I couldn’t return Kougami’s.

I love Risa as a friend but I can’t bring myself to go further than that…

“I guess I can make some space in my busy schedule.” I shoot back.

I guess we can go to the prom as friends…

I better start bracing myself for more prom subject things to come up in the near future. After all, I’m the first to graduate and I’m the only boy in the family so it’s probably going to be a big deal. Grandpa will definitely try to throw a celebration with Lysa’s help so I guess I probably won’t be able to escape that fiasco.

“We better turn around here. It could be trouble if we enter the property of whoever owns Big River Ranch by mistake. If my grandpa finds out that we wandered off there, shit’s going to hit the fan.” I tell Risa.

I pull on the reins and Copper turns around smoothly and Risa does the same and we ride back towards where we previously came from.

Today was a great day to go riding; it’s not too hot or too cold. It’s just right and the woods are rather alive today too. The birds are chirping and a few times I’ve seen a bunch of squirrels playing in the trees and at one point I started wondering if maybe they were the same ones.

“Did you find out who owns the ranch now?” Risa asks.

“Nope, and from what I can tell it’s not exactly someone that my grandpa is too fond of either.” I answer and it’s mainly one of the reasons why I haven’t asked much questions into trying to find out who owns it.

Grandpa is great but he can be hard headed sometimes and when he doesn’t like someone, you just know. He’s not very good at hiding his feelings towards someone that he despises or is not too fond of so I know it would be a very bad idea if I would ask him about who owns Big River Ranch even though I’m greatly curious about it still.

“That’s unfortunate. Big River Ranch is basically your neighbor so that’s a rather interesting mix that you guys are surrounded with.” Risa adds and that’s exactly why I’d love to know but oh well.

“Tell me about it…” I reply.

I’ve quickly learned throughout the years not to ask my grandpa about such things. Well mainly for the fact that he won’t tell me a single thing in the first place and the other thing is that he’ll give me a lecture about how I shouldn’t put my nose in adult things until I become an adult but I’m pretty positive that he’ll have another lecture to tell me even when I’ll be an adult.

Typical really to be treated like a child for the rest of my life…

“Onto other pressing matters. Heard anything about Tomomi and Lysa maybe getting engaged or something?” Risa asks and I wish she hadn’t because it’s one thing that I do not want to think about.

“Nope. They are still the same as always.” I answer back.

I love Lysa a lot, I really do and I hope that they both always stay together. I wouldn’t mind if she would get married to grandpa but if they do, then it means that someone is going to have to leave their home in order to live with the other. 

I seriously doubt it that Lysa will be leaving Fairfield in order to come live here in Heartland, so that means that grandpa would be the one to leave and I don’t want him to go. I want him to stay here in Heartland but I don’t think that grandpa would move to Fairfield either.

“But honestly how would it work for them if they do get married? Like who would live where?” Risa further asks much to my dismay.

“I don’t know.” I reply back as simple as I could.

“You know Heartland always manages to get the most attractive stable hands.” Risa blurts out after a few minutes of silent riding and I just can’t hold in a laugh at that. “I know what I’m going to do on my days off this summer.” She adds and I’m sure she does.

“Tough luck Risa, grandpa still has his policy of keeping your shirt on.” I playfully tease her in turn.

It doesn’t matter how hot it may be in the summer. Anyone who works for grandpa in Heartland are to keep their shirts on at all time. In a sense, I can understand his logic behind the whole thing since it’s basically to prevent injuries and from having certain irritants accidentally spilled on your skin while you’re working.

The second reason would probably be to keep anyone at Heartland from getting any ideas that’s not related to work and also it gives a more professional look when stable hands are properly dressed. We can’t forget the dude ranch after all.

“Oh so sad!” Risa laments dramatically and further adds, “I need to see what’s under those shirts!”

“Good luck.” I tell her but she’ll never succeed. She won’t even come close, not even by a mile.

“Don’t worry. Akane and I will formulate a plan to get those shirts off.” She tells me.

I’m sure those two will try their utter most best to succeed into getting Sugo and Kougami shirtless but I seriously doubt it that they’ll succeed. Well not by themselves anyway.

“Better ask Shion. She’d probably have a better idea on how to make that happen better than both of you combine.” I suggest and Shion has proven time and time again of being able to pull off such a stunt quite effortlessly. I can’t see why she couldn’t come to devise a plot to get Heartland’s stable hands to momentarily lose their shirts.

“And you won’t help us?” Risa asks.

“Nope.” I answer back.

I’ve got no interest in seeing anyone shirtless. I don’t see what's the big deal anyway since it’s no secret about what’s under a guy’s shirt but I won’t stop myself from watching the girls’ futile attempt for my own amusement though.

“Oh so mean!” She playfully exclaims.

It sure was quiet not having Risa around for three whole weeks but I’m glad that she’s back and Lysa was right, it did do me some good. I just wish I could have gone on this ride with Nymeria though. Copper is great and all but I feel like I betrayed her this morning and I know it wasn’t the case but I miss her already.

I also promised Akane that I would ride up to Briar Ridge with Nymeria once I would have gotten some free time on my hands but I’ve been putting it away for the sole reason that I didn’t want to leave home but Lysa was right. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have isolated myself the way that I did so it’s time that I start coming out of my bubble and start living again.

**XXX**

* * *

**Chapter 13.5**

**Kougami**

I patiently wait as I watch Saiga inspect Nymeria from head to toe but I can’t seem to stop my hands from shaking. I’m a nervous wreck but I did everything that I could and I know that’s more than enough on my part.

I just have this ever growing fear that Saiga is going to tell me in any minute that there is nothing to do for Nymeria and that she’s going to die just like Tempest.

With Sugo’s help, I was able to fully administer those five jugs of slurry and not long after I finished doing so Saiga arrived and he started working on Nymeria right away. He proceeded into administering a laxative and now I wait but the long silence is unbearable and I just hope that all of my efforts didn't go in vain. 

“Is she going to be okay Saiga?” I ask, unable to control my curiosity any longer otherwise I’m going to snap.

“You did a good call by administering an activated charcoal slurry. I can see that you wasted little time in doing so too.” He tells me after listening to Nymeria’s heart rate. “The slurry has completely neutralized the toxins of the pesticide that Nymeria had eaten so she should be okay.” He adds much to my relief.

I honestly don’t know what I could have said to Gino if Nymeria couldn’t have been saved. I can just imagine it right now; he would have been so crushed. So heartbroken if Nymeria would have died and he would have blamed himself even more for not being here with her in her final moments. He would have then hated himself for having gone on that ride with another horse when Nymeria had refused to enter the trailer. I know he would have.

“Good. Thank you for coming in such a hurry.” I thank him as he steps out of Nymeria’s stall and closes the door.

I’m relieved that her breathing has returned back to normal and that she’s no longer sweating like crazy. I can tell that she’s tired from everything that’s happened but it’s completely understandable. I’m just so relieved that Nymeria is going to be okay, just so relieved.

“I did nothing; you saved this mare’s life yourself by trusting in your own instincts.” Saiga tells me before walking away.

I don’t know if I acted on my instincts, I was just desperate to save her. I would have tried anything just to be able to save Nymeria’s life and it just happened that what I did worked. I wasn’t too sure what I was doing, just that I was praying that it was going to work and fortunately it did.

I step closer to the stall when Nymeria stuck her head out and I slowly reach out to her head in order to pet her and she gently nudges at my hand with her muzzle and I gently stroke the side of her head. Is this her way of telling me thank you?

“Never a dull moment around here isn’t it huh?” Sugo asks, taking me out of my thoughts in the process.

I thought he had gone already. I wasn’t aware that he was still on the ranch but I guess he must have been nervous and probably wanted to know how Nymeria was doing before leaving for the day with Kagari. Who knew that the brat was his younger brother from another mother.

“I need a vacation.” I tell him as I let out relieving laugh. “Thanks for your help Sugo. I would have had a harder time administering all of that slurry in such a short amount of time.” I add.

I honestly don’t know if things would have turned out the same way if he hadn’t been there. Time sure wasn’t on my side and even at the end, Sugo was having a hard time keeping Nymeria steady even with his little brother's help so I seriously doubt it that Kagari could have held Nymeria in place by himself.

As much as I hate to admit it, I couldn’t have done this without his help.

“Don’t mention it Kougami. As stable hands, it’s our job to care for the horses and we must help one another otherwise it’s never going to work.” He tells me.

“I really appreciated your help.” I further tell him before stepping away from Nymeria’s stall.

“Kougami, I know that we got off from the wrong foot but I want you to know that I see you as an equal stable hand and if I made you feel any less. I’m sorry it wasn’t my intentions.” He voices out as he extends his hand for me to shake.

I never had any real reason to hate the guy. I just felt like he was an obstacle for me to overcome. That he was a threat to me. That somehow he would be the one responsible for my removal at Heartland but I know deep down it wasn’t true. I’m the one who never gave him a chance. I made my judgement of the guy the moment I laid eyes on him and I was wrong.

Heartland is more than big enough for the two of us and everyone at Heartland whether it be Pops, Mika or Gino. They need us both.

“It’s alright. You’re my senior right?” I say back as I take his hand to shake and this time I do it properly without squeezing it to cause him pain.

I need to be a better man, better than I was before and Sugo was the bigger man here. I should have been the one to approach him first and not the other way around.

“In a way I guess I am but like I said, I see you as my equal.” He tells me again and it feels good not to be viewed as the inferior one for a change.

Why is it that it always takes a really stressful situation or a painful moment to get closer to someone? I mean Gino and I only got closer after Tempest died and he had been completely devastated due to that event. Now, the same has happened between Sugo and I only that this was a matter of life and death.

Sugo could have said fuck it about saving Nymeria since he wasn’t here when she first arrived in Heartland. He could have told me to fuck off and totally could have refused to allow me to administer the slurry that I had prepared for Nymeria in haste but he didn’t. He put his trust in my judgement, he didn’t question if I knew what I was doing or not. In that moment our decisions could have had a major impact on the outcome.

When it counted, Sugo and I. We made a good team. Today, it proved it.

“Sugo, I’m asking for my own personal reasons and Gino won’t hear it from me but I want to know what you know about his father.” I dare ask him again.

I know he told me yesterday that there are just some things that it’s best left unsaid but I know that most of what he meant was simply to avoid the question and Gino isn’t here right now so it shouldn’t matter but I need to know. I just got to know.

Sugo backs away and looks out of the barn and comes back to me as if to make sure no one is around to hear us.

“I don’t know as much as Tomomi does but what I do know is from what I heard on the side lines during my rodeo circuits.” He tells me.

“That’s odd.” I blurt out.

So are rodeos a place for gossip? I mean why would a single man be the major topic to discuss by a bunch of people? Now that makes little sense whatsoever but I’m sure that Pops does know a fair amount of information that he’s chosen not to say and honestly I don’t approve of it one bit. Gino deserves to know about his dad, he has at least that right unless there’s a very good reason to keep him in the dark.

“Tim Ginoza is famous in the rodeo world. No one has ever beaten his record for rodeo wins; he’s undefeated even to this day.” Sugo explains and I guess now it does make a little more sense but still. He’s just one man and if he’s so famous, why doesn’t Gino know anything about this.

“So he abandoned his family for some stupid rodeo circuits?” I quickly ask only realizing what I said afterwards when I remembered that Sugo has a passion for rodeos. “No offense.” I quickly add to save my skin.

“None taken.” He shoots back. “Don’t worry it wasn’t the case. Tim retired from doing rodeos seventeen years ago.” Sugo further tells me which now makes things even weirder about the whole walking out thing.

“Then why did he abandon his family?” I ask.

“That’s where I don’t know all the details.” Sugo states and backs away back towards the entrance of the barn and cautiously looks out and then comes back to me and continues. “You see in his last rodeo, he was doing Steer Wrestling. It’s one of the most dangerous performances in rodeo and things went sour. Tim got seriously hurt in that one and he ended up being hospitalized for many months which caused his retirement.”

It definitely must have been a serious injury if he was hospitalized for many months but it still doesn’t quite explain why the guy would walk out on his family. Like seriously, why would you abandon people that you claim to love? It just makes no fucking sense to me.

“From what I heard. The day he got injured was the same day he learned that he was going to be a father. After he was released from the hospital, things apparently started going sour at home and by the time Mariam was seven months pregnant with Gino. Tim was no longer around.” Sugo further explains.

From how I see it, it looks like the damn rodeo caused Gino’s parents to be torned apart and that’s just sad. Mariam must have been present that day when her husband got injured. I can only imagine the fear that must have consumed that woman at that moment as she stood into the stands watching in horror as her husband was carried away on a stretcher.

She must have been so worried for her man. Not knowing if he would live or die all the while carrying a baby with the knowledge that her child might grow up without his or her father. But in the end, that's exactly what happened anyway and that's just sad.

“Didn’t he want to be a father?” I ask the dreaded question, almost afraid of the answer.

“From the gossiping that I heard here and there. Apparently he was almost in tears when he learned that he was going to be a father.” Sugo answers. So, if the guy was so overjoyed of becoming a father then why would he just leave even before his first child was born? It just makes no sense; an accident can’t change your desires of wanting a family. It just can't!

Actually if knowing that you have a child that’s coming into this world, it would actually give you strength to fight your injury and to recover. There would be no way that you’d let such a thing stop you. You would do anything to get back on your feet no matter what the cost. You would do anything because you know that you have something important, something precious that’s coming and as a father you want to provide for your family. You want to protect them.

“Makes no sense that he would just abandon his unborn kid.” I say between gritted teeth. It just fucking bothers me that Gino's dad just left like that.

“Do you want to know something even weirder?” Sugo suddenly asks.

“Shoot.” I voice out.

He backs away again towards the entrance and quickly poked his head out of the door to inspect his surroundings for a few seconds and then quickly comes back to me, a bit closer than before.

“I saw Tim Ginoza in town today just as I was leaving Aoyanagi’s Dinner and guess who was with him.” He tells me and that’s fucking huge!

I can’t fucking believe it! Gino’s dad is in town and he hasn’t even tried to visit his kid once. Even more, how long has he been around? But, I am indeed most curious to know who it was that Sugo saw him with.

“I don’t know. Lysa?” I assume but somehow I doubt it and yet it still wouldn’t surprise me as I add. “She seems to be meddled in everything that’s related to Heartland.”

“No. He was with Tomomi and before I left for my rodeo circuit three months ago, I saw him again but with Mariam.” Sugo adds and now my mind is fucking blown away.

I’ll be assuming that it’s not the first time that Pops has gone out to town to meet Gino’s dad. Actually, I think the other day when Pops left me alone to inspect the fence, that’s where he went too and if that’s the case exactly how long has Pops been secretly meeting with Gino’s dad?

Mariam must have been secretly meeting with her ex-husband for quite some time before her death too and Pops must have continued doing so but why? And what I want to know even more is why no one has told Gino about this. He has the right to know that his dad is in town, he has the right to go see him if he chooses to.

For crying out loud, Gino is fucking sixteen. He’ll be turning seventeen sometimes in November. Mika told me the date but I forgot but he’s not a child anymore. It’s time that Pops stops treating Gino like a child and more like a young adult.

“Oh wow. That’s seriously fucked up.” I voice out and Sugo nods in approval.

The sound of an engine catches our attention and Sugo quickly goes to the entrance to see who it is and from his expression it’s probably Gino who's back from the trail ride with Risa.

“And that’s what happens when you leave a prepubescenting kid on his lonesome self.” Sugo says loudly as he catches Kagari by the neck and pulls him away quite forcefully and yet in a playful manner.

“What the fuck!?” Kagari shoots back in the distance and I have to laugh at that.

I turn back my attention towards Nymeria who’s now fully alert and peeping out of her stall waiting rather eagerly. She knows that it’s Gino, that he’s finally home. I still can't believe just how loyal she is, she’d do anything for Gino and when I say anything I do sincerely mean it.

I hear Risa’s voice in the distance and not long afterwards I see her car pass by as she drives away without even staying around to help Gino unsaddle the horses. Not like it surprises me much since she didn’t help him to prep them beforehand anyway.

Sugo’s voice catches my ears for a bit. He’s probably giving Gino the news about what happened to Nymeria and then I hear Kagari. I’m assuming that he’s apologizing for his actions and for unintentionally endangering Nymeria’s life and then the growling of a diesel fuel engine is all I can hear for a bit and then it starts going further and further until all is quiet.

The sounds of hooves hitting the ground catches my attention as they come closer and soon enough Gino enters the barn with both Copper and Cherry in tow.

“Hey, how is she?” Gino quickly asks as he looks towards Nymeria with concern.

“She’s fine. Tomorrow she’ll be good as new like nothing happened.” I assure him. Even now I see her health is improving so I know that she’ll truly be fine much to my relief. “Do you need a hand?” I ask but he simply shook his head.

“No I’m fine but thank you. I don’t know what I would do if I’d lose Nymeria.” Gino admits and to be honest I don’t know what I would have done either if I had failed her.

It wouldn’t be the same if I would enter the barn and Nymeria wouldn’t be there in her stall anymore. I really do love that horse and I would have been deeply saddened if Nymeria would have died today. She’s a huge part of Heartland, this is her home now and Gino needs her just as much as she needs him.

“I had that thought in my head as I saw her sweating furiously and her health rapidly decline.” I admit as I recount those dreaded moments. “I couldn’t allow her to die; I couldn’t fail her like I had failed Tempest. I just couldn’t.” I further add.

“Thank you.” Gino thanks me again as he lets go of the reins of both horses and gives me a tight hug of which I gladly return back but I can’t take all of the credit.

“No, it's all thanks to your mom’s journal. That’s the real hero here; I just followed the instructions by the letter and hoped for the best.” I tell him after we broke up the hug and he gives me a soft smile before I stepped out of the barn.

I wander towards the house and take a seat on the patio. Not long after, Pops pulls up to the house and kills the engine of his truck and I brace myself for what I need to say to him as he steps out of his truck.

“Pops, I need to talk to you about last night.” I tell him just as he steps onto the patio.

“Oh?” He voices out and he sits down in the chair right next to me.

“I know it looked bad on my end but it wasn’t what it looked like.” I start off and continue, “I would never do something like that to Gino. I would never disrespect you like that either.”

“Care to explain what it was you were doing in my grandson’s bedroom then?” He asks me which is just reasonable.

If I had been in Pops’ shoes, I probably would have jumped to the same conclusion as he did. After all, Gino is quite the looker. If he was my grandson, I’d be protective of him too. 

Gino gives me the impression that he would probably be easy to manipulate if someone would try. That alone is dangerous and it's probably something that Pops is fully aware of so he worries and I understand that completely.

“Gino is afraid of thunder and it’s gotten worse since the accident and he couldn’t sleep last night. I know he hadn’t slept much the night before either, I saw the light on in his bedroom all night as he kept pacing around.” I further tell pops, not really sure if he was somewhat already aware of this and if not well now he knows. “When I was in foster care, there was a kid who was afraid of thunder too and the only way he could fall asleep was if someone would hold him and it always worked so I tried that with Gino.” I further explain my actions.

When I was in foster care for some time before I received my probation sentence. I saw a lot of kids who were trauma afflicted and often you would see these kids sleep in the same bed holding onto each other for comfort and reassurance and I honestly think it’s a great thing. I mean they didn’t do anything sexual or anything. It was just a way for them to feel safe and I just had to try it with Gino and it worked.

“And?” Pops asks.

“And it worked. He fell asleep and when I was confident that he was sound asleep I left the room and that’s when you caught me leaving his room.” I tell him and that’s exactly how it was.

First I got Gino to lie down on his bed and I joined him but after that, all I did was hold him in my arms as he laid his head on my chest and that was it. I didn’t touch him inappropriately. I didn’t try to kiss him or try to take his clothes off or try to take a peek once he had fallen asleep.

Gino clearly told me that he wasn’t into those kinds of things and I plan on respecting that but if I can at least do something to help Gino without making him feel uncomfortable, I’ll do it and last night I did him some good.

“That’s all it was.” I add, hoping that what I told Pops will be enough to assure him that I plan to cause Gino no harm. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, I want to protect him at all cost.

“Kou I have noticed how you look at my grandson.” He tells me and I feel my guts twist.

Yeah…

I knew he must have noticed and yes I did look at Gino quite lustfully on my first day that I was here and the day after that also and I was wrong of doing so. Gino isn’t something to be lusted over, he’s a human being and he has feelings just like I do. He deserves to be respected and be seen for who he is, not by his appearance.

“You’re not wrong about that Pops and I was in the wrong of doing so. I won’t deny that my thoughts were despicable but I do care for Gino a lot and I know that he isn’t attracted to me the same way that I am to him and I’m okay with that.” I reply back.

I won’t try to hide the truth from Pops; there would be no use for it anyway. I have no intentions of lying to him and yes I am ashamed of how I was on my first few days but I know I was wrong and I admit that I was wrong. I don’t plan on repeating the same mistakes twice.

“Hoping that he’ll be changing his mind?” Pops further asks not like I didn’t see that one coming.

“Gino will never change his mind. Romance means nothing to him and he’s not sexually attracted to anyone and that’s who he is. I have no intentions of trying to change him into something that he’s not, he’s perfect the way that he is.” I answer with conviction.

Anyone who tries to talk Gino into bending his principles does not respect him. He doesn’t have to compromise on things that make him feel uncomfortable, he should never feel any pressure of fitting into a norm. He’s fine the way that he is and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being different and I’ll defend him on that.

“Well said.” Pops says after a few minutes of silence and I just can’t fucking believe this man. He fucking played me, he did that on purpose last night but it’s fine, I totally get it.

“I should have known that you were testing me just now.” I say as I let out a laugh.

Putting you on the spot is Pops’ way of discovering your true character and it truly is a good method. It surely works very well…

“Pops, I have a question for you.” I say and I know that I shouldn’t be snooping into this but I just can’t help myself. I have to ask.

“Oh?”

“When is Gino going to learn that you’ve been secretly meeting with his father?” I ask and I think a slap in the face wouldn’t have caught him more by surprise than the question did.

“Now that’s not open for discussion.” Pops answers as he gets up and enters the house.

Good job Kou… Good job…


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fair warning, the ending might not be suitable for all viewers as there will be assault and attempting rape but relax none of that shit happens.
> 
> As you all know me by now. It should be expected. Fuck Tougane XD

**Chapter 14**

**Ginoza**

I know last Friday I gave my word to Mr. Tougane that I would drive up to High Hill Ridge this morning but to be honest I wish I didn’t have to. I never did like doing location calls, I prefer working in Heartland. I prefer knowing where everything is and who I'm working with but I know sometimes in order to better help a horse, you need to see its environment first hand in order to better understand it.

Today, I’m really hoping to get some answers. I’m honestly tired of working with a horse that just doesn’t seem to have any problems. I feel like I’m constantly wasting my time and I keep redoing the same work over and over again and that's not good. In turn, it only keeps dragging Heartland's name in the dirt since it makes us look like we can't help horses at all.

Mom worked on Bucky herself for a whole week. She tried everything that she could think of but in the end Bucky never reacted negatively towards her or anyone. In the end, mom cleared Bucky and stated that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the horse and that she couldn’t see the problems that Mr. Tougane kept on pointing out. The problems were just not present in Heartland.

Last week when Mr. Tougane had unexpectedly brought Bucky to heartland. He again complained about the stallion having the same problems as it did before. Apparently it was still unresponsive. It would refuse to be saddled and would just not listen to any basic commands. So, I kept Bucky in Heartland for three days and I really pushed him pretty bad but in the end, I got nothing.

No matter what I did to him, Bucky never acted out negatively towards me. Actually, it was like he was determined to please me no matter what and he would do everything that I would ask him to no matter how hard the challenge I would put him through.

In the email that he sent me last Friday, Mr. Tougane stated that Bucky remained with behavioral problems. But, every time I’m near him or even when I observe the stallion from a distance. I can’t see those problems that Bucky supposedly has. All I see from him is that he’s genuinely a good temperamental horse who’s highly affectionate towards people. He's also very sociable to the point that he hates being alone.

I figured that maybe because he hates being alone, that his loneliness is what triggers his behavioral problems. So, I did on purpose to isolate him during those three days that I had him but it didn’t do anything. Instead of acting out, he was even more affectionate when someone or another animal joined him in the pasture.

I drive up near the large barn of High Hill Ridge and this place is just so huge. Calling it a mansion instead of a barn would sound better. It’s easy to see that the Touganes have deep pockets and from what I can see, there’s probably almost enough horses to fill every stall in the barn. Again, I know for a fact that Bucky is probably never alone. For starters, I know that he's not suffering from loneliness.

I turn off the engine and take a deep breath before stepping out of the truck. I look around as I wander off into the barn in search for Mr. Tougane but I feel so out of place here, like I don’t belong. The only thing that’s helping to make me feel a bit more professional right now is the customized black nylon jacket and shirt that Lysa had made for me for exactly these kinds of occasions. 

The jacket has Heartland’s logo largely imprinted on the back and a smaller logo on the right breast. The shirt only has the small logo on the right breast but I still like the idea of having something that helps to make me stand out as an employee of Heartland and not just some random kid.

Everything in this barn is all fancy and high-tech. Nothing in here even comes close to what we have at Heartland. All I can see is huge dollar signs here and there. Everything that I look at must have cost a fortune and I guess it’s one of the main reasons why I hate going to these on site call jobs. It’s always the deep pockets who requests on site call jobs. It’s like it’s their way of telling us at Heartland that they have it better than us.

“Can I help you with something?”

I turn around at the sound of a male voice only to meet a guy dressed in the typical stable hand uniform with short blondish hair. I don’t know this man and I don’t recall seeing him before when I had briefly come up here with mom a while back. I guess the Touganes must have a whole bunch of employees at their disposal and it wouldn't surprise me if the workers would come and go too.

“Nobuchika Ginoza from Heartland” I introduce myself and ask, “Is Sakuya Tougane here?”

“No, I haven’t seen him this morning.” The guy answers much to my dismay. So much for punctuality on Mr. Tougane's part… “Can I help you with something?” He further asks.

“I was asked by Mr. Tougane to come over to High Hill Ridge to see Bucky. Apparently Bucky is acting up again and I’m here to see if there’s anything I can do.” I tell him and he nods in approval so I guess he must have known that I was coming then.

“This way.” He tells me and I follow the man towards the back of the barn and here he is in his full glory standing patiently in his stall.

I just want to let out a long sigh at the sight of Bucky. He’s perfectly calm in his stall. He doesn’t seem to be annoyed by anything or bored and right now I feel as if I’m here for nothing again.

High Hill Ridge has absolutely everything you could possible ever want. The stalls occupy the center of the barn but in the back there’s a well maintained jumping arena. As of right now, it’s not currently being used by anyone and since I’m already here, I might has well get started working with Bucky to see if there is anything wrong with him. I’m sure Mr. Tougane will arrive soon and if I can get started right away, it will save us both some time. I’m sure he must be a very busy man and I just want to go home already and work with Nymeria.

“Do you mind if I saddle him up and take him out for a few jumps?” I ask the guy.

“Be my guess.” He answers back before walking away to resume his work probably.

I open the stall and carefully lead the stallion out of his stall. Again I don’t see anything wrong with him but I better be careful anyway. The last thing I want is a clumsy accident to happen. Not to mention, Bucky could react at any moment so I better play it safe for a little bit. 

I start stroking Bucky’s neck before reaching for the blanket and then the saddle and just like before, he allows me to saddle him up with no problems at all. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that he's even eager to be saddled up. He wants to be taken out for a ride, he wants to go jumping.

I stroke the center of his head for a bit before leading him towards the jumping arena. Once I’m far enough from the stalls, I mount on his back and gently get him to start running towards the first obstacle and he jumps it with ease. I then pull onto the reins to make him turn. I speed up his pace a little as I approach the second obstacle and this one is one pole higher than the first one but just like the previous obstacle, Bucky jumps it flawlessly.

He listens to me very carefully and I can tell that he trusts my judgement completely. I think he would jump anything that I would tell him to even if he knew that he’d get injured in doing so. I really do think he’d do it still of which is remarkable since not many horses have this kind of mentality. 

Bucky is the kind of horse that doesn’t seem to care about itself. To him, I get this vibe that it’s all about pleasing its rider and that’s truly exceptional in its own way. Other than that, Bucky is simply just an average horse with nothing special. Even his colouring is average, a rich mahogany brown with an average build. This stallion wouldn't be an alpha male any time soon that's for sure.

I pull on Bucky’s reins again to make him turn. This time making him do a much sharper one as I force him to quicken his pace even more than before as we approach the third obstacle. This one is a three pole high obstacle which I've never tried to do before with Bucky and without any bit of hesitation he jumps it and successfully makes it on the other side without hitting the poles much to my satisfaction. It only proves it even more that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this horse.

“Remarkable!”

I look over to my right and there he is, the man that I was supposed to meet with is standing on the side of the arena. I didn’t even see him arrive. I guess I was a bit too focused on the jumps but I’m glad that he’s finally here so I can get this over with. The sooner, the better if you ask me.

I climb off Bucky and walk towards Mr. Tougane with the stallion in tow.

“You have a gift, just like your mother.” He states.

I’ve heard that one so many times before and I always have to resist the urge of saying that I don't have a gift with horses like my mother had but I've learned that it really doesn't matter what I say to these people. No one listens when I speak anyway.

“Mr. Tougane. You weren’t here when I arrived, I didn’t think you’d mind if I got started on Bucky.” I say.

“Not at all. Watching you ride that stallion. I could almost not believe that it’s causing me grief for months.” He tells me and I can’t say if it’s an attack towards me and my mother for failing to see what’s wrong with Bucky or if he’s just saying that just for the sake of saying it and that he didn't mean anything by it.

“I saddled up Bucky myself and he didn’t try to stop me.” I further tell Mr. Tougane and continue, “He jumps flawlessly also without any hesitations.”

“You are certainly capable of bringing the best out of him.” Mr. Tougane voices out and I’m not too sure about that. I mean when Bucky was in Heartland, I made Kagari ride him for a bit and he was able to make the stallion jump just as good as I did even though Kagari lacks experience.

“But that’s the thing. I don’t know what’s wrong with Bucky; I don’t see any behavioral problems at all.” I admit and I refuse to play the fool here just to satisfy a deep pocket. Mr. Tougane will have to understand and accept that Bucky is perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with him. “When he was at Heartland. I did on purpose to cause some stressful situations just to see his reactions and I got nothing.” I further tell him.

“I do not doubt your skills to work with horses.” He replies calmly as he looks at Bucky and then towards me.

“Mr. Tougane I must ask, why Bucky?” I ask. “I mean I’ve ridden jumping horses that were much better. Bucky is simply what you’d call average on every level. He wouldn’t be a horse to use if you want to go far in show jumping competitions.” I state and I have to wonder if maybe that’s the problem here.

I’m starting to think that Mr. Tougane may have expectations much too high for Bucky. Yes Bucky is a good jumping horse but he’s not the best and you have to be realistic here too. It’s good to push but you have to know when to stop. Every horse has their limits and this is Bucky’s and it should be good enough.

“Yes, Bucky is not the greatest show jumping horse that I have come across but in your opinion, he would be a good horse for a beginner rider would he not?” He inquires and I have to wonder if this is a trick question or not. Is Mr. Tougane planning on selling Bucky at some point or is it something else?

“I believe that he would.” I answer cautiously.

Bucky has a really great personality and he’s very affectionate so yes he would be a great horse for a beginner. Actually Bucky would be great for young riders, like those in the ten to twelve years category.

“I believe so too.” Mr. Tougane admits. “This is why I feel like I can’t give up on this horse. He holds a promising purpose for any future riders who wish to pursuit a career in show jumping.” He explains his reasoning and I guess it’s not a bad one and I’m glad that he feels that way. Bucky deserves an owner who understand him but it still doesn’t change the fact that there is nothing wrong with Bucky so I have no idea where I even come in.

“You’re absolutely right.” I agree with his reasoning but I can’t hide my feelings about Bucky not being problematic though and I know that Mr. Tougane can sense that. He’s somewhat cautious around me like he’s afraid that I’ll blow him off. That I’ll refuse to help him but I seriously don't know what to do. I don't even know what mom would do if she were here. I just don't and the more I think about it, I so don't want to be here.

“What do you believe should be the next course of action towards Bucky?” He asks and signals to one of his stable hand to come take Bucky off my hands and urges me to follow him and I do so.

“It’s kind of hard to say for sure.” I admit and continue, “The thing is that Bucky has never reacted negatively towards me in anyway. I figured maybe he’s the type of horse who’s picky about who rides him so I got one of my stable hands to try saddling him up and then ride him. My stable hand didn't have any problems either.”

I follow Mr. Tougane into his office. I take a seat into a chair facing his desk as he closes the door and walks towards a small fridge. He takes out a water bottle and opens it before giving it to me. I accept it and he takes one for himself.

“My stable hand who helped me is just a part-time worker. He's young and has no experience with jumping what so ever which is why I asked for his help for this and Bucky was great. You couldn't have been able to tell that my stable hand was an inexperienced rider.” I further tell him but I can't tell if Mr. Tougane is impressed or not.

“Could it be that one of my riders may be the problem and not the horse itself?” He asks as he sits down behind his desk and I take a sip out of my bottle.

“It’s possible.” I answer. It sure wouldn’t be uncommon that the rider is the one to bring out the worse in the horse. I’ve seen it many times before and it’s always quite unfortunate because too often, the rider refuses to acknowledge that they are the problem and not the horse. “It could also be a stable hand. It’s not unheard of to hear about abusive stable hands towards the horses that they should care for.” I also suggest before taking another sip from my bottle and I wonder if I should have said that or not. It's kind of a bold accusation to make on my part, I might have messed up.

“If it would be the case that a stable hand is abusing my horses. Wouldn’t I see similar behavior problems in my other horses as well?” He further asks and that’s the reason why I never said anything before because it’s probably not the case here but it still isn’t unheard of.

“Yes and that’s why I never mentioned it before because I didn’t want to wrongfully accuse anyone of animal neglect-” I reply back and stop talking when suddenly my vision turned blurry for a few seconds forcing me to blink rapidly a few times before my vision returned to normal.

“Are you alright?” Mr. Tougane asks with a somewhat worried expression.

“Yes I’m fine, I’ve been over working myself for the last few days and I think it’s taking its toll.” I answer back and just as I finished talking my vision turned blurry again and then without any warning I start feeling dizzy.

What's going on? Why must I start feeling ill now of all places?

“A head injury is quite delicate. Perhaps it was insensitive of me to request that you come all the way here in your condition.” Mr. Tougane tells me as he stands up.

I feel strange, I feel dizzy and light headed. I’m trying to remember if this is something that’s normal but I seriously doubt it that it is. I don’t remember what my doctor told me, I don’t know if this is normal or not but I don’t feel well. I don't feel well at all, I just want to go home and lie down for a bit.

“It’s okay, I’m just feeling a little lightheaded that’s all.” I tell him as I gently rub my temples but it’s not helping to make me feel any better. “But if you don’t mind Mr. Tougane I think I’ll be going back home.” I add as I try to stand up but I’m unable to as I fall back into my seat. I feel so weak.

“Perhaps you should rest here until you feel better.” I hear Mr. Tougane say but I can’t see him anymore. My vision has completely gone out of wack but I hear footsteps coming closer towards me. It has to be him but what's wrong with me?

“No I’ll be fine-”

I see a large dark figure that’s completely blurry, it has to be Mr. Tougane but what is he doing? Just now I heard the zipper of my jacket being unzipped and I feel something heavy on my leg.

“You’re in no condition to be driving.” I hear Mr. Tougane say but I feel as if my head has been submerged under water. His voice seems so distant and yet so near. It feels like his voice has a trailing echo.

I want to go home, I don't want to be anywhere but home when I don't feel well.

“You’re the spitting image of your mother, from head to toe.” I hear him say as I feel something rubbing against my inner thighs. “Having you here is rather hard not to take advantage of the situation.” I further hear him say and I feel a sudden panic take over me.

The water…

Why…? When…?

I try to move as I feel something against the palms of my hands. My instinct is to push as hard as I can and somehow I managed to stand on my feet but rather wobbly only to feel a sharp pain against my face. The next thing that I know, I’m lying on the cold hard floor.

“Such a pretty face, I wonder if the rest of you are just as nice.” I hear him say and I feel him grab my arms to turn me around in order to face him.

My vision keeps going from blurry to clear as I struggle to free myself all while I hear slight tearing of fabric and I know that I'm probably in tears as I keep on struggling but to no avail as I try to get this man off of me. 

If only my vision wasn't disrupted. If only I didn't feel so weak, I might be able to push him off me and make a run for it but I can't. All I can do is continue to struggle as I to try to prevent him from having his way but I know that I'm failing miserably as I continue to hear fabric being ripped followed by another sharp blow on my cheek. As if it's his way of telling me to stop and just give up and maybe I should. I can't defend myself, I'm weak and he's got me exactly where he wants me.

I can't defend myself…

I feel my shirt being lifted up to my chin as I feel his hands onto my torso followed by something warm and wet on my chest when I suddenly remembered. 

I reach into my jacket pocket as quickly as I can manage in order to grab the slim device that I had stored into before leaving Heartland and the next thing I hear is Tougane's muffled voice in pain and he falls limp, allowing me to push him away. 

I slowly pull myself up on my feet. Clutching onto the thing that grandpa had given me only two days ago for dear life. Remembering how much I had fussed over it. That I didn't need such a ridiculous thing but I was wrong, I needed it to save my own skin.

I can hardly walk straight and I know I must look terrible right now but it doesn't matter as I try my best not to stumble to the ground as I walk towards the door. Ignoring the the pain from where Tougane had forcefully grabbed me and I can't help but feel like such an idiot and an even bigger one as I opened the door only to come face to face with another man.

This can’t be happening…

I just want to go home…


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Kougami**

The ranch is just so boring without Gino around and I’m not too sure if he’ll be happy to hear about how Sugo and I found a horse wandering around the ranch today. The odd thing about it is that it’s not marked or anything so we have no way of knowing to whom it may belong to. The only thing that we do know for sure is that it’s definitely not a mustang.

Sugo says that it’s a stallion and that it looks to be around five to eight years of age and since it had been pretty easy to approach, we made it a temporary home in one of the stalls in the barn but we have no idea what will happen to this horse. It can’t stay in the wild by itself that's for sure. Like Sugo said ,since it’s not a mustang, a domesticated horse won’t survive in the wild by itself and not to mention that he's already pretty much on the skinny side.

“Hey check this out.” I shout out to Sugo to catch his attention as I lead Nymeria into the trailer and get out from the other door and she calmly steps out into the pasture. “Not bad huh?” I ask, pretty proud of myself about accomplishing this challenge. Somehow I’m starting to feel more like a stable hand than a city boy.

“Not bad, not bad at all.” Sugo admits as he walks over to me and I get Nymeria to enter the trailer again and get her to come out from the back with ease.

“Wait until Gino sees Nymeria enter the trailer flawlessly.” I blurt out with excitement. Maybe more than I should but I’m really proud of myself for succeeding in curing Nymeria’s fear of trailers.

When I started this morning after Gino had left for High Hill Ridge. Just seeing the trailer was enough to spook her but I took it nice and easy at first and slowly I got her to come closer at her own pace. I allowed her to inspect the trailer before opening the doors and again I allowed her to approach it at her own pace and then once I was confident that she didn’t fear the trailer itself I coaxed her to enter and the rest is history.

One thing that I did learn today was that Nymeria loves carrots to death. I think she’d actually do anything for a piece of carrot so after I learned about that, and I asked Sugo if carrots were indeed safe for horses to consume and he said that they were so I used carrots as a treat and everything went by so smoothly after that.

I didn’t say a single word to Gino that I was planning on working with Nymeria today. I wanted to surprise him after he comes back from High Hill Ridge. 

I can just imagine his face when he takes Nymeria and starts working with her only to find that she isn’t scared of the trailer anymore and only then will I tell him what I did. I’m sure he’ll be impressed.

“He’s going to be thrilled.” Sugo states and I’m sure that he will.

The sound of a car coming down the driveway catches our attention and not much to my surprise it’s Lysa with her fancy SUV. From what Sugo told me earlier, Lysa is practically always here in Heartland so she might has well just move here instead of living in Fairfield. She and Pops have been dating for the past three years already. I think it's time that they tie in the knot or something.

“Hey boys!” She calls out to us as she steps out of her car. “How did it go at High Hill Ridge?” She asks and that’s something that I wonder myself. I haven’t heard from Gino since he left this morning, I miss him already. Well I started missing him after only an hour had gone by.

“Gino’s not back yet.” I tell her.

“Did Tomomi drive up to meet Nobuchika there?” Lysa further asks as she looks around, probably searching for Pops' truck.

“No he left a while ago with Mika for something and we have no idea how it’s going with Nobuchika.” Sugo adds.

First Gino left this morning around eight in the morning and then by noon Mika started saying that she needed to go to town for something so Pops drove her and they haven’t come back yet so let’s say that the ranch has been fairly quiet today. Well if you ignore the new freeloader that arrived today who is now eating Pops’s hay, it's been really dull.

“That’s odd. Its fifteen minutes past four, Nobuchika should have been back by now if he left in the morning.” Lysa informs us and that’s exactly what I was thinking too. I mean he has been gone for a very long time but he hasn’t called so I’m guessing that everything is going okay on his end.

“Might be having some problems with the horse.” Sugo suggest and that’s another thing. Maybe Gino finally found what that darn horse’s problem is and he’s trying to fix it but it's proving to be much harder than he had anticipated. Maybe I should have tried to convince Gino to let me come with him, I might have been able to help him.

Lysa turns around and goes inside with the things that she brought with her. Looks like something she’ll be cooking for dinner and I have to wonder what that may be but either way I’m sure it’s going to be good. Well so far, everything that Lysa has baked is really good so I'm confident.

“Another good day’s work.” Sugo voices out as I lead Nymeria into the barn and I get her settled up into her stall before joining Sugo near his truck.

The sound of engines catches our attention as we see a blue pick-up truck coming this way and following closely from behind is Pops’s old pick-up truck that Gino borrowed this morning so finally, he’s back. He’s been gone for far too long if you ask me.

The trucks come to a halt and some unknown guy steps out of the truck that Gino should be driving.

“Okay, who’s that?” I ask Sugo as I watch this unknown guy from a distance.

“I don’t know.” He answers back but from the look on his face, he's just as curious as I am.

I take a step forward when I see Gino get out of the blue pick-up truck rather wobbly and another guy bolts out in all haste to be by Gino’s side in order to help guide him towards the house.

“Gino!?” I call out but Gino keeps on walking and enters the house with the guy who had ran up to him and I bolt towards the house and enter just in time to catch Gino from falling over. “Gino? Are you okay!?” I ask when the first thing that catches my eyes is a lower busted lip and a reddish cheek. What the hell happened!?

“Yeah…” Gino groggily answers in my arms and I can’t help but worry about seeing him like this. He’s limp in my arms like he no longer has any strength at all.

“What happened!?” Lysa asks alarmed. Abandoning everything that she was doing in the kitchen and came rushing towards us in all haste.

“Don’t worry he’s fine, I had him checked at the hospital and everything came out alright.” The man quickly answers Lysa’s question.

Seeing how Gino is right now, I wouldn't call him fine. He's far from fine so i don't know what this guy is even fucking thinking. Obviously he must know Gino since he brought him home so that means that he knows Pops also. So, the real question remains as to why the hell didn't he try to contact anyone at Heartland about what happened?

“Come on Gino, I’ll help you upstairs.” I tell Gino, ignoring everything else around me for the moment but I don’t think that Gino will be putting much of a fight in his condition even if he wanted to.

“Careful, he was given an anesthetic for some tests.” The man suddenly tells me before turning his attention back towards Lysa.

As much as I want some answers as to what fucking happened, Gino’s well-being is my first priority. He needs to go to bed right now. Everything else can wait and I’m sure that Lysa will be taking care of the more important details but damn. I wish that Pops was here right now. We need him!

“I’m fine.” Gino tells me in a slight protest but he doesn’t try to give me any problems as we start climbing the stairs which is good.

“Oh yeah? You can tell me all about it on the way upstairs.” I gently tell him as we go up and if I didn’t know any better I’d think that he’s drunk by how he's walking but I guess it must be the effect of the anesthetic. “Careful Gino.” I warn him when he moves a bit too sharply once we reached the top of the staircase and I almost lost my balance in the process but I don’t think he registered much anyway and thankfully I was able to regain my composer. 

One thing that surprised me though is that Gino is much lighter than what I had thought. I honestly thought that he was much heavier considering his height and yet with his slender build I guess it shouldn't come much of a surprise that he's so light.

“I like your eyes.” Gino tells me as we enter his bedroom and I can't believe that he just said something like that. I have to force myself not to laugh at that one.

I know the effect of anesthetic can often be comical on people but where did that one come from? I have to admit that it’s cute but I would prefer not seeing that busted lip and that somewhat swollen cheek on his face. Gino is much too beautiful to have such injuries done to him, this shouldn't have happened to him.

His eyes suddenly catch my attention. They’re completely dilated and much to my dismay I’ve seen this before. Anesthetic doesn’t do that. Only a sort of sedative used for sex crimes would cause this and I think I have an idea exactly what went down today and that only helps to fuel my rage. How dare anyone touch Gino this way!?

“I like your eyes too.” I tell him playfully, trying to keep myself as calm as possible but at the same time just playing along with Gino's state. When someone is drugged or drunk, the worse thing you can do is remain serious. You need to go with the flow with them otherwise you might start having some problems.

I carefully take off Gino’s new jacket that’s now torn in certain places but thankfully that’s all that’s been damaged from what I can see. But, I can’t help but wonder if whoever attacked Gino, if they succeeded in doing what they wanted or if Gino got away before anything happened. God I hope nothing happened, he didn’t need this shit!

“Lie down Okay?” I tell him as I help him towards his bed and he grabs hold of my shoulders.

“Lie down with me.” He tells me, no… That's wrong. It’s what the drugs are telling me through Gino. This isn’t what he truly wants, this isn't Gino right now.

“No, I won’t do that Gino.” I tell him as I try to get him to lie down as I add, “You have to get some sleep, okay?”

“You’re no fun.” He laments as he refuses to lie down on the bed and instead clings closer towards me before pressing his lips onto mine without warning.

His lips are soft and warm and it took every bit of my strength to push him back from me. As much as I want to, I just can’t. I know that Gino won’t remember any of this tomorrow and now would be the time to take advantage of him but I just can’t. I can’t do this to him, no matter how much I want to kiss him. I just can’t take advantage of someone who isn’t sober, who doesn’t have all of their head in the moment.

If I ever get the chance to kiss him, I want it to be in full consent and not because he's under the influence of a substance.

“No Gino. You’re not yourself, that’s why you have to get some sleep.” I further tell him and he finally allows me to lay him down on the bed allowing me to remove his boots in order to get him more comfortable.

“Stay with me?” He asks as he reaches for my hand and I take his in mine gently.

“Now, that I can do.” I tell him and he gives me a soft smile as he closes his eyes and in a matter of seconds I feel his hand go limp and he’s fallen asleep.

Gino went to High Hill Ridge this morning. I honestly don’t know how long it should have taken him over there but Lysa definitely got a red flag when she arrived and that he wasn’t here. Gino should have been here hours ago, I should have known something was wrong.

Fuck!

It’s at High Hill Ridge, it happened there! Gino got attacked over there, I know he did and I just can't help but blame myself. If only I had been there with him, all of this wouldn't have happened.

I slowly free my hand from Gino’s and carefully got up as I turned around only to feel as if my heart tried to get out of my chest. “Oh! Pops!” I blurt out as I clutch onto my chest.

That man, one of those days, he's going to kill me. Exactly how long has he been standing there? 

Shit! I hope he didn't see Gino kiss me just now? Oh fuck, shit!

I step out of the room and Pops slightly closes the door and invites me to follow him downstairs where Lysa is working on cooking dinner again and the blue pick-up truck is no longer here.

“What happened to Gino Pops?” I ask. Hoping that might be enough to change his mind from what he may have seen but the truth is that I’m afraid of the answer. Part of me doesn’t want to know but the other part needs to know but none the less, the answer scares me.

“My grandson was attacked Kou. That’s what happened.” Pops barks back and I can tell that his voice came out harsher than what he had intended by the look in his eyes. He’s hurt and I can understand why perfectly, his own rage must be boiling up deep down inside.

“I know he was attacked.” I admit and ask, “But was he…?”

“No, it didn’t go that far.” Pops answers much to my relief. “He listened to me.” Pops adds as he gently puts the taser he had given to Gino only two days ago on the coffee table and leaves the house in silence.

**XXX**

* * *

**XXX**

Everything is a total mess today…

Pops unleashed his emotions onto the field until dinner was ready and like always Lysa’s cooking was delicious but Gino didn’t join us. He was still sound asleep by the time it was ready and even now, he’s still sleeping but he needs it. Still sucks that he wasn’t at the table with us, it just felt like something was missing.

After dinner, Pops returned to the fields and Lysa let him be by saying that he needs to burn off his rage onto something that is not alive. I guess she has a point and everyone has their own coping methods but this must have hurt Pops' pride a lot. Gino is his responsibility and he failed to protect him but if it wasn’t for Pops Gino wouldn’t have had that taser. So in a way, Pops still protected Gino. Just indirectly.

“Hey Mika, how are you?” I ask her as I grab a towel to help dry the dishes.

“I’m okay.” She answers back, not bothering to look at me as she continues washing a pot in the sink.

“Gino is going to be okay.” I reassure her and she lets go of the rag in the pot and simply stares at it for a few seconds before looking up to meet my gaze.

“My brother and my grandpa are all that I have. I don’t have anything else…” She tells me. Her eyes beginning to water and she quickly blinks to stop herself from crying.

“It’s the same for Gino you know.” I state. “He doesn’t have anyone else either.” I add but I don’t say exactly what’s on my mind.

It’s true that Mika has had it rough. I mean she’s only recently turned sixteen back in February and she’s already lost both her parents. She lost her dad when she was only five and I can believe that it does leave a mark because no matter what the man was her father and from what Sugo told me, she was a real daddy’s little girl and now she lost her mom only just a month ago.

Gino on the other hand is a bit different than his sister.

Gino grew up knowing that his dad walked out on his mom before he was even born. No matter how you look at it, it seriously damages a kid and I’ve seen it for myself just how much his dad’s abandonment hurts him. I saw that when we went up to Half-Mile Peak to visit his mom’s grave.

If it had only been that then it wouldn’t have been that bad but Gino lost his step father to illness when he was only six. A man that he had grown attached too and apparently from what Sugo also told me, Gino was very fond of his step dad. So when the man died, it caused Gino to back away and isolate himself because he became afraid of getting close to anyone in fear that he’ll lose them too.

Finally to add the cherry on the Sunday. His mom died only a month ago and he was with her when she died. He received severe injuries that almost killed him but it did send him into a week-long coma. With all of those things combine, it’s a miracle that Gino is still sane. That he’s not more broken than what he already is.

“You don’t know how it was. Not knowing if your brother would ever wake up again or if he’d ever be the same as he once was.” Mika suddenly tells me snapping me out of my thoughts.

I understand that she’s worried about Gino and what happened to him today is alarming. I’m sure that bastard Tougane, the guy who owns High Hill Ridge was the one who attacked Gino. He somehow managed to drug Gino in order to have an easier chance to rape him but luckily things didn’t turn out as planned. Gino was able to get the hell out of there with only minor injuries.

“Mika you just need to have faith. Gino is stronger than you think. No matter what, he’ll pull through.” I tell her as I finish drying a plate and I set it aside to dry another.

“But what if he doesn’t!?” She asks and it’s easy to see that she doesn’t know much about date drugs.

From the little I’ve heard of the Touganes, they have deep pockets. Maybe not as deep as Lysa but still pretty deep so if I assume how Sakuya Tougane would think like. He wouldn’t want his victims to remember what happened to them so he’d choose a drug that he can easily give to his victims and then the drug would cause them to forget about everything the next day. So, if my theory is correct, Gino won’t remember much. Actually I don’t even think he’ll remember a single thing about what happened today so Mika is worrying for nothing.

“That will never happen.” I assure her.

“How do you know?” She further asks.

“Because I won’t let him fall. I Promise.” I answer and I do mean every word that I just said.

I’m not concern about Gino’s mental health because I know he’ll be fine. Maybe a little nervous and a little insecure but he’ll be okay and I already plan on doing everything that I can in order to help him feel better. I will give him my support whenever he needs it.

“So what was so important that you had to do in town today?” I ask her, hoping to change the subject.

“I’m trying to think of something to get for my brother's birthday.” She answers and I have to hold in the first thing that pops into my head. Mika sure is early, we still have two weeks left in June and Gino’s birthday isn’t until the end of November. There's plenty of time for that.

“Sounds like you haven’t succeeded.” I voice out as I finish drying another plate and I set it aside on top of the other dry one.

“Everything that I think of always ends up not being appropriate.” She tells me as she starts scrubbing the pot that’s’ swimming in the sink again.

“Mika, it’s a gift. It’s the thought that counts.” I tell her as I quicken my pace to dry the last plate faster. “So what were you thinking about getting Gino?” I ask.

“Well I thought about getting him a new halter for Nymeria. You know, her own custom halter but grandpa says that’s not something you buy for someone else.” Mika answers and I have to agree with Pops on this one. Mika might have liked a certain halter but it doesn’t mean that Gino would have liked it on Nymeria.

“Yeah it’s kind of a personal thing.” I state.

To be honest, I don’t think Gino would be too happy opening a gift and he would see that it’s a halter for his horse. Well first of all, a birthday gift or any kind of gift should be a gift that only the receiver will use. Something that will be personal to them and a halter sure wouldn’t be it.

Anyway, I know from talking to Sugo that leather halters are expensive and usually when people buy leather ones, they also have a tendency to get the halter customized to suit their personal style so they end up being even more expensive. So again, it’s something that the rider buys to match their personality and style.  

“My brother has everything so it’s kind of hard to get him something.” Mika states and that’s kind of hard to believe. I’m fairly sure that Gino doesn’t have everything and I’m sure that he’s dying to have something, maybe even a few things too.

“His birthday isn’t before the end of November right?” I ask as I finish drying the last plate and I drop the towel onto the kitchen counter next to the pile of clean plates.

“Yeah.” Mika confirms as she finishes scrubbing the pot.

“Give me a month; I’ll snoop around to find out what he wants.” I tell her and to be honest I seriously don’t know why no one ever does this. I mean I’m always the one to snoop around and then I have to spill out the beans about what they want for their birthdays.

I’ll be giving Mika a hand but I was already planning on snooping around in order to find out what Gino wants since I also want to surprise him on his birthday. But since I want to know, I’m gathering the information for myself and in turn I don’t expect anyone to do it for me of which is only normal.

“Awesome.” Mika joyfully states and now I’m wondering if this was going through her mind and she just didn’t know how to ask me… Well it wouldn’t surprise me if that would be the case.

I grab the pile of plate and put them away in the cupboard they belong in before turning away when I hear Mika call my name and I turn to face her.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you dare hurt my brother.” She warns me. I wonder where that came from all of a sudden.

“That’s not even a consideration but Mika there’s never going to be anything between us.” I reply back.

“Why?” She asks. “You two look so good together.” She adds and that’s rather flattering to hear but just because two individuals look good together doesn’t mean that a relationship can work. It just doesn’t work that way.

“Because your brother is not attracted to me.” I answer back the truth but Mika doesn’t seem to buy it what so ever.

I’m confident in my sexuality. I don’t care if you’re a guy or a girl, if I feel a connection towards you then I’m all for it and no one ever bats an eye about that. But in Gino’s case, it’s different because most people don’t understand. They all think that Gino is simply shy or that he just hasn’t found the right person. The thing is that he’s never going to find the right one who’s going to make him decide to have sex.

Gino is an aromantic asexual but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to be with someone. It only means that he doesn’t care about romance. He doesn’t want to spend the night on a couch making out and he sure as hell doesn’t care about having sex. But in today’s society, if you’re not interested in having sex with someone. Well, there’s something wrong with you and that’s just not true.

“You haven’t been here for a week so how do you know if he’s not attracted to you?” Mika asks and that’s logical and she’s right but in Gino’s case he just knows. It’s simply his sexual orientation so he just knows and it’s not my place to question it. “It’s too early to determine such a thing. My brother can be so clueless sometimes.” Mika adds and that kind of rubbed me the wrong way a little. Gino isn’t clueless, he knows exactly what he wants and I’m glad that he won’t settle for anything less.

“Mika, your brother is ace and romance really doesn’t do much for him. That’s just who he is and I’d prefer having him as a friend than not having him at all.” I tell her.

I’m not sure if this is news for her or she was already aware of Gino’s sexual orientation but if Mika didn’t know, well now she does and it would help Gino a lot if his family members would support what he is more.

“Would you forsake all forms of intimacy just to be with him?” Mika asks and I can’t help but smile at that question. Just thinking about that question is rather easy for me.

“If he would let me. I could live without all of that. I could be in a platonic relationship with him and I’d be okay with it but that’s not up to me to decide what he wants.” I tell her.

“You’re a good guy Kougami.” She tells me.

I smile and nod at her comment before leaving the kitchen and making my way upstairs. Before retreating in my room, I open Gino’s door only slightly to see how he’s doing. He’s still sleeping soundly and I’m so relieved that nothing bad happened to him. The last thing he needed was sexual assault on his list of traumas. Gino has had more than enough in his life to last a lifetime.

I slightly close his door a little and retreat into my own room. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**Ginoza**

“I need a doctor!”

The voice echoes through my head. Somehow it sounds so far and yet so near while my vision is a total blur as I see formless figures come and go all around me.

I can’t tell if I’m being ignored or am I being watched in utter curiosity from afar...? All I do know is of a male voice somewhere in the distance. It’s filled with concern but why would this voice be concerned about me when I’ve never heard of it before.

“He’s sixteen…” The voice states but to whom is the voice speaking to? How does it know my age?

There’s so much noise going on all around me. So much noise that it's enough to drive me insane. Footsteps and doors closing all the while being mixed in with the sound of distant voices talking to each other but I can’t make out a single word they are saying.

Where am I?

When I don’t see bluish or greenish blurred figures pass by in front of me, all I see is white and a blinding light. My head is pounding and no matter how much time passes my vision doesn’t improve and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

Where am I?

“I don’t know.” The same voice says but to whom is he speaking to and why does he sound so concern? Where is the man that owns the voice? “Come on! Just give me a break! Help him!” The voice further says as I feel a hint of irritation in his voice as he spoke those words but why?

Who needs help? Is it me? Am I injured or dying…?

“Gino?”

Everything suddenly goes dark when a familiar voice echoes through my head. It's calling my name in a soft tone until all goes quiet and I open my eyes only to see Kougami’s face over mine with a somewhat worried expression as I ignore the light throbbing in my head and my heart pounding a bit too fast as I try to catch my breath. 

“Gino?” Kougami says my name in a gentle tone. “Looks like you were having a bad dream.” He tells me as he gently sweeps my hair away from my face.

I turn my head slightly towards my right only to see my night table. After a few minutes, I slowly turn my head towards my left to see my bedroom door closed… 

I’m home… But how did I? When did I?

All of that just now had been only just a dream…? 

It had felt so real somehow, just like the ones about mom, just like the ones about that night...

“Not really…” I reply back only to realize just how dry my mouth is and I have to wonder just how long I was asleep for.

I have so many blanks. So many holes in my memory that I can’t seem to be able to fill no matter how hard I try but I do remember being in Tougane’s office. We were discussing about what would be done about Bucky before I started feeling ill…

“How did I-”

“Some guy brought you home yesterday.” Kougami tells me before I can finish asking my question. I wonder if this guy is the one from my dream, if his voice belonged to him or not… “Do you remember anything?” Kougami asks.

I don’t remember much. Everything is just so hazy but I do remember struggling to free myself from Tougane. I remember using the taser that grandpa had given me two nights before. The last thing that I remember is opening the office door to come face to face with a man that I didn't know and then everything is blank after that. I don’t remember anything about what had occurred after opening the door. I don’t know what that man did to me so could it be the person that Kougami saw was that man and if so, why did he help me?

“My memory is kind of hazy.” I tell him.

I haven’t felt this groggy since the day I had woken up from my week long coma. Actually I feel very similar to how I had felt back then. I feel lost, like a huge time span has went by without me and I slept through all of it. I hate this feeling.

“Do you think you can get up?” Kougami asks.

“Yeah…” I answer back as I slowly sit up.

“Take your time. I’ll meet you downstairs okay?” Kougami says before getting up and walking out of my room and I hear him go down the stairs.

I lazily get up and pace around my room a little. I ignore the pain in my lower abdomen for a bit as I inspect the jacket that Lysa had given me last Friday that is now torn in a few places and there is just no way it can be repaired. Well it could be repaired but it will just look terrible…

I set the torn jacket aside as I exit my room and before going downstairs I make a quick pit stop at the bathroom. Considering how much pressure I have in my lower abdomen, it’s a miracle that I didn’t have an accident in my sleep and just that alone is enough to make myself ask exactly how long was I asleep.

Once I’m done, I head to the sink to wash my hands and the sight of my face catches my attention in the mirror. My lower lip is a bit swollen and stained with some dried up blood from where it obviously got busted and my right cheek is reddish with a mix of blue and purple but even the bruised colour can't hide the swelling or maybe it's the colour that makes it even more obvious.

I look at my arms once I’ve removed my eyes from the mirror and I can see the marks of Tougane’s fingers on my skin where he had grabbed me. Everywhere he touched me, he left a mark but other than that, I’m not in much pain and I know that he didn’t manage to do anything to me. Well from what my memory tells me, the taser caused him to pass out on the floor but I still feel rather shitty none the less.

For some odd reason I don’t feel like leaving the bathroom and once I’ve forced myself to come out, all I want to do is to isolate myself back into my room and go back to sleep for who knows how long. Maybe once I’ll wake up, everything that’s happen had been nothing but a long dream and everything will be just like it used to be but that’s just naïve thinking and instead of going with the easy option I force myself to climb down the stairs and make my way towards the kitchen with heavy feet.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Lysa asks and before I can even answer she’s got both hands on my cheeks inspecting my face with concern.

“I’m fine.” I assure her, always ignoring the slight pounding in my head but it’s slowly improving. “I wish I could say the same for my jacket…” I add once Lysa released my face.

“It’s just a jacket, it can be replaced.” Lysa tells me. I guess it can always be replaced and I know to Lysa it's no problem at all but to me it just feels like such a waste. I liked that jacket. It made me feel like I actually knew what I was doing and that people would take me seriously but I guess not. “I’m just happy that you’re okay.” Lysa adds. 

I take my seat at the table right next to Kougami but I’m not really hungry. I know that I should eat but I don’t know if it will stay down if I do eat something and all I can do is poke at my food with not much interest.

Grandpa is silently reading his paper like he always does every morning but he doesn’t seem to be in a good mood though. I guess he must be furious about what happened yesterday and I’m debating with myself if I should ask him what will happen about the incident at High Hill Ridge. I just don’t want to spark an argument so early in the morning.

I wasn’t expecting to see Lysa this morning. I guess she must have been worried about me also but just like grandpa, I can tell that she’s not too happy either and if I know Lysa like I think I do. What happened yesterday won’t stay there and I guess that I can’t blame her. Tougane is a dangerous man and I was simply lucky to come out of there with simply a busted lip and bruises.

The sound of the front door opening pulls me out of my thoughts but the person that enters the kitchen wasn’t the one I was expecting. I was sure that it was Sugo but it’s not. It’s the man that I saw when I was trying to flee from Tougane’s office. I wonder why he’s here.

“Am I early?” He asks but I’m not exactly sure to whom he was talking to but I recognized the voice. It’s without a doubt the same one from my dream so maybe it wasn’t a dream. Maybe it was just a fragment of my memories but if it was, where did he take me exactly?

“It’s always too early when it comes to you.” Grandpa voices out without taking his eyes off his paper so I’ll assume that they both know each other and grandpa isn’t too fond of him. I wonder why. Other than I don't know him, he looks like a decent guy but then again Tougane looked like a decent guy too but I was wrong.

“Good to see you too Tomomi.” The man adds, not really seeming to be bothered by grandpa’s previous comment like it’s a regular thing and yet I’ve never seen this man before.

“Don’t push it.” Grandpa barks back as he flips the page of his newspaper.

“Hey I’m just trying to be gracious here.” The man states as he comes closer towards the table.

“Tim.” Lysa says in a gentle warning tone as she places her hands on my shoulders just as Kougami suddenly stood up. His eyes locked onto the man and now I’m even more confused.

Exactly how long was I asleep and exactly what went down when I was out? 

Kougami said that a guy brought me home yesterday and his voice is familiar to me and the more that I think about that dream. About those figures that I couldn’t see very well, I’m starting to think that it must have been my memories from the hospital. So, I’m taking that this man must have taken me home afterwards so he did good for me and yet why is Kougami looking at him like he’s a huge fragment of evil?

“Hey, sit back down.” The guy tells Kougami but he doesn’t sit down. “Where did you find this kid?” He asks at grandpa, not really bothered about how Kougami is glaring at him. I think grandpa would only have to say one word and Kougami would pounce onto the guy without a second thought but why?

“None of your damn business.” Grandpa answers back as he gives Kougami a sharp look and he sits back down beside me.

This is without a doubt one of the weirdest morning that I’ve ever had. Even Mika is just sitting silently, minding her own business but can’t help but watch the show between grandpa and this Tim guy.

“Okay, okay… Fair enough.” Tim says before turning his attention towards me and asks, “How are you feeling kiddo?”

“Fine…” I answer back in half truth as I continue ignoring that annoying throbbing in my head.

“Good, that’s good.” He replies back rather awkwardly as he shoves his hands inside of his pockets. “You’re not in any pain? Because if you are I know a good doctor who does house calls-”

“Tim! In order to reach category five you have to clear the first one.” Grandpa abruptly cuts Tim off as he folds his newspaper and sets it on the table.

“Right…” Tim mutters as he looks at me like he’s searching for something but can't seem to be able to put his finger on it. “Not exactly sure how to say this, there’s no easy way to say it so here goes… You’re my, I’m your father.” He stammered each word.

The kitchen has fallen completely silent as I feel all eyes glued onto me as if they're all waiting to hear what I am going to say while I try to process everything that’s been said and nothing makes any sense. My eyes trail off towards grandpa, searching for some sort of answer. Something to tell me that this isn’t true but he doesn’t do anything other than stare at me and I just can’t.

This is just too much.

I get up and bolt back up the stairs, ignoring Lysa calling me to come back as I isolate myself inside of my room. It's the only place that seems to be making any sense at the moment but my mind feels like it’s been thrown inside of a spinning frenzy and everything is now spiralling out of control.

The sound of the door opening pulls me out of my thoughts as I look over my shoulder only to see Kougami enter and gently close the door behind him.

“Gino? Are you okay?” He asks as he comes forward and sits down on the bed beside me.

“I’m sorry; you must think that I’m an idiot.” I apologize as I grab the crochet blanket that mom had made me last year and crumble it into a ball and press it against me chest and rest my head on it.

“I don’t think that you’re an idiot.” Kougami quickly replies. “I think you were more in shocked than anything else.” He adds.

Maybe that’s what it was but I feel like a total idiot anyway.

“I waited all my life to see my father and here he is and I ran away…” I say, pressing the blanket even more into me with my arms.

“Like I said you were in shocked. I’m sure he understood that much.” Kougami further states but I’m not sure about that.

I’m sixteen; I should act like it instead of doing stupid things like what I just did. After so many years, my father was right in front of me for the first time and instead of showing that I was happy to see him. I bolted like a stupid child…

Everything is just so overwhelming. Everything just keeps pilling on and it just never seems to stop. It’s always one thing right after the other and it’s just too much…

I should be happy, my father is finally here but I’m not. Instead, I’m angry and confused. What the hell was he even doing at High Hill Ridge in the first place? Was it all just a setup?

A knock on the door snaps me out of my thoughts as the door slowly opens only to reveal my father entering my room. His gaze locked on Kougami like he’s some sort of bug that needs to be crushed at any moment.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to have a moment alone with my son.” He tells Kougami and I almost want to cringe when he said that I was his son. What right does he have to even call me that anyway? He hasn’t been much of a father to me all of my life and out of blues he comes in here and it’s like I should pretend like nothing happened.

Kougami gets up and I want him to stay but I don’t say anything as I watch him leave the room, shutting the door gently behind him and now I’m alone with a man who’s more like a stranger to me than a father.

I watch him pace around my room before stopping in front of my desk and picks up the picture frame of mom and Tempest. His gaze is locked onto the picture and I could swear that his expression became somewhat sad as he stared at mom.

“That had been one good cattle drive.” He tells me as he carefully places the picture frame back in its original place.

“You were there?” I ask.

“Yes. I was a hired ranch hand back then as I tried to get my life back together again and I saw your mom for the first time in six years.” He answers, pulling the chair from my desk to sit on.

“She never told me.” I mutter back almost bitterly.

Mom always told me everything. Well, I thought she always told me everything but I guess not but how could she keep this a secret from me? How could she just pretend and lie to my face about not knowing where my father was when she did know? Grandpa wasn’t any better, they both lied to me. They both kept my father from me and it’s not fair.

“That was our agreement until otherwise.” He states. I kind of assume it was something like that but it’s still not fair, I at least had the right to know where my father was. If he was still alive or not, it was my right.

“But why?” I mutter the question and stop myself, not really sure if I want to know the answer or not and yet I do and brace myself as I ask, “Why did you leave!?”

“It’s complicated but it was for the best, I assure you it was for the best.” He answers, not breaking eye contact as he spoke and I can’t understand why growing up without a father was for the best. It wasn’t, I needed him!

For so long I waited but he never came. After I woke up from my coma, every day I prayed that I would wake up to see a face that I didn’t know. That in the worst moment of my life he would be there but he wasn’t. Now he is here but he’s nothing like I had thought that he would be. For starters I don’t resemble him at all; he could pass to be Mika’s dad instead of mine.

“I always opted for the easy money and rodeos delivered exactly that. The more dangerous the performance was, the higher the payout and nothing was more dangerous than Steer Wrestling.” He tells me after a few minutes of awkward silence, catching my attention.

I wasn’t aware that he did rodeos. Mom never told me anything about what my dad did only that she did't have much love for rodeos. I didn’t even know if he loved horses or not but knowing that he was in the rodeo circuits it only means that Sugo probably heard of my dad’s name and chose to tell me nothing just like everyone else.

Thinking back at how Kougami bolted on his feet the moment he heard Lysa say my dad’s name earlier, he knew too. He heard about my dad’s name, he must have heard it from someone. Probably from grandpa or Sugo. My bet is probably more with Sugo than grandpa but he knew and he chose not to tell me anything. Maybe he just recently learned it but he still chose to keep it a secret from me…

“On my last rodeo, it turned sour and I got injured pretty badly. I ended up being hospitalized for many months and that’s where things started going bad.” He further tells me.

It’s not unheard of to get injured during a performance. That’s why I promised myself that I would never try to enter one even though Sugo has been telling me constantly that I would probably be good at it. To me, it’s just not worth the risks. But, I don’t get why a single injury, no matter how bad it may be can make things start to go bad. I mean if you get hurt, you just get back up again right?

“I don’t understand.” I mutter.

“The pain medication they were giving me at the hospital was strong and after five months of constantly being exposed to such things. I became addicted to them and then when I was cleared to go home my addiction got worse and then alcohol entered the mix.” He further explains and continues. “Your mother tried to help me and so did your grandfather but I wouldn’t listen. The last straw was when I got drunk one night and I started breaking everything that I could get my hands on. In my drunken fit, I nearly hit your mother with a stool when I threw it against the wall.”

“Then you left?” Was all I could manage to say as I stared at him and I’m just not sure what to think.

He doesn’t look like a violent man but then again Tougane didn’t look like a creep until he got me drugged up and I couldn’t do anything but my dad was violent? Can’t be…

“No. Your grandfather threw me out with the intention that it would serve as a much needed wake-up call but I was a fool and I didn’t listen. I kept in my addiction for the next five years like a fool I was, just wasting away.” He answered my question and with each new thing that he tells me, it just keeps on getting worse.

Grandpa threw my dad out and mom was okay with that?

I get it though. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves and I guess grandpa just wanted what was best for mom at the time but it still doesn’t make it okay. I’m sure there were still other options to take. Other things that grandpa could have done instead of throwing my dad out. Grandpa’s decision caused me to grow up without my dad.

“After so long, what made you decide to get clean?” I ask. I mean he looks alright now and I don’t think grandpa would have allowed him inside the house if he was still addicted to drugs and alcohol.

“You.” He quickly answer the word and now I’m even more confused than I was before. “You were five and I saw you with your mother’s second husband in town one day. I knew he was sick but that didn't stop him from being a father and seeing another man raise my child it hurt me but it wasn’t anyone’s fault but mine. I needed to be a man and more importantly I needed to be a father.” He adds.

“You met with mom I assume all the while keeping me in the dark. Didn’t you think that I wanted to see you, didn’t anyone care about what I wanted?” I ask as I sink my fingers into the crochet blanket that I’ve been holding.

“We did and that’s why we didn’t tell you anything because yes I decided to enter rehab for my addiction but it wasn’t easy. My road to recovery was a real roller-coaster and you didn’t need to see any of that or be given false hope.” He tells me and continues. “I’m officially clean for the last four years and it’s only this year that I no longer have any sudden cravings for those pain medications.”

I don’t know anything about addictions or alcoholism. Only that both of these things are known to destroy people’s lives. I can only imagine how hard it might be to fight such an addiction so I can’t judge him for it but was it so hard or so bad to just send me letters. Just for me to know that my dad was in fact alive and well? That even though he wasn't with me, that he actually cared about me.

“When were you planning on telling me then?” I ask and right now I just feel so betrayed by mom, by grandpa and by everyone at this point.

I feel like there isn’t a single person around me who doesn’t treat me like a child and ever since my accident it’s gotten worse. No one ever tells me anything anymore. Anything they can keep secret from me they do it and I’m just really fed up with it.

“We wanted to surprise you this summer but things didn’t turn out exactly how we had planned.” He answers and now I feel even worse than before. If this is true, then did it mean that mom wanted us to be a family again? “But I’m here now and only if you want, I’d like for both us to have a future together.” He further tells me but exactly what does that mean?

I’m still angry at him for being absent for all these years but I also want to know my dad and yet I’m afraid to do it. I just don’t know him and I’m afraid if I get close to him, that I will find myself being the one in the center of a tug o’ war between grandpa and dad. I’m just afraid that dad’s intentions aren’t genuine and he’s only here for his own gain and that he’s not really here for me…


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**Kougami**

Saturday, Pops had given Sugo and I an off day to relax a bit and all we had to do was keep the barn clean and that was it. Well that's all we were suppose to do that is until Kagari's fiasco with Nymeria that is.

Yesterday felt pretty much the same since we barely had any work to do around the ranch. Due to late supplies, we still can't start working on those fences so by the early afternoon we didn't have anything else to do. I took that break to work with Nymeria and it helped pass the time but I still haven't told Gino about what I did with his horse and he hasn't tried to work with her either. Well considering what he went through yesterday it's only understandable.

Today compared to the relaxing couple of days that we had, it was a real frenzy. Pops was on fire. Sugo and I could barely keep up with the work that he kept on pilling up on us but by mid-afternoon. Pops finally called it quits for the day much to my relief. I was yearning for a break, I hope Pops doesn't get moments like that often.

I wander around the ranch for a bit and I catch a glimpse of Gino who's sitting under the large willow tree behind the house a few feet away. If we didn’t have a slight breeze today I wouldn’t have seen Gino hiding under there at all and I almost didn’t even notice that he was there until a light breeze blew the hanging vines of the tree. I wonder why he’s hiding under there and more importantly why isn't he with his dad.

I walk over towards the large willow tree as I remember Pops' grand speech about how he better never see a single scratch on this very tree or else there would be blood to pay. He’s very fond of this tree in particular but I guess since it’s the only willow tree I’ve seen around here I guess I can understand why Pops wants to protect it. I must admit though, it’s rather beautiful with its long hanging vines.

“How is it going with your dad?” I ask Gino as I move the vines to enter under the shelter of the tree to spark a conversation hopefully.

“Okay I guess…” He replied back with not much enthusiasm.

“Gino what’s wrong?” I ask as I take a seat right next to him, resting my back against the willow tree.

“It just feels weird, that’s all.” He states.

If my dad would just appear out of the blues unannounced I guess it would probably feel weird so I can’t blame Gino for retreating somewhere to be alone but he can’t run away from his dad either. He needs to face him and I know that deep down Gino wants to have a relationship with him too, that I know but he needs time. They both do.

“It must be weird for both of you so give your dad a chance. Who knows, he might surprise you.” I tell Gino but the thing is that even though I mean every word I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite because I know that I probably wouldn’t give my dad a chance.

“Yeah, maybe…” Gino mutters back.

“Talking about the guy, where is he?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Somewhere with grandpa I assume.” Gino answers tiredly.

I still hate seeing his face all bruised up like that and even though he slept more than twelve hours he still looks tired as hell. Most of his fatigue is probably a combination from the drugs he was given and the anesthetic that was used to do certain tests on him at the hospital. I'll be happy once he feels better and things can return back to normal, well as normal as this can be.

“Did you know?” Gino suddenly asks catching my attention.

“Know about what?” I ask in return.

“About my dad.” He adds as he shift his eyes towards me.

I should have seen this one coming from a mile away and the thing is that I did know but what could I have told Gino about his dad? I mean out of all the things that Sugo told me last Saturday, there really wasn’t much to go on other than being random gossip. The thing is that I didn’t want to disappoint Gino by telling him some information that was basically nothing and I didn’t want him to start a feud with Pops over it because I knew that there was much more to this than what it looked like.

“Yes and no. Sugo told me who your dad was because the guy apparently is famous in the rodeo circuit but Sugo didn’t know much himself.” I admit and continue, “Sugo only learned what he knew from random gossiping and you know how gossip is. More than half can’t be accounted for the truth so don’t blame Sugo for never saying anything about your dad.”

“Were you going to tell me?” Gino further asks and I wish that he didn’t because I’m just afraid that all of this is going to start a fight between us and I just don’t want any of that. I don’t want to be on Gino’s bad side.

“Gino the only thing I could have told you was your dad’s name and his former profession from random gossiping that Sugo got here and there on his rodeo circuits.” I tell him and that’s the truth. What more could I have told him? I had nothing but it wasn’t only that. The more I kept thinking about what Sugo told me and then what Pops had said, I came to realize that if I would say something to Gino. I would probably be looking for trouble with Pops so I chose to remain quiet. “I couldn’t tell you more even if I wanted to and I figured that Pops knew more than what he let on. It wasn’t my place to get involve, even if I wanted to so I’m sorry.” I add.

“It’s okay…” He mutters but it’s quite obvious that he means the complete opposite of what he just said. It’s not okay, that’s what he wants to say but I think he doesn’t want to fight either and that’s a good thing.

I’ve had enough of fighting, since I can remember that’s all I’ve ever done. Most of my fights were self-inflicted. I lived for endless conflicts because it was the only way I could gain attention from people but I was wrong and now I’m just tired of it all. In the end it wasn’t worth it. It was completely pointless and it didn’t really give me the attention that I craved.

Gino on the other hand has been fighting a whole different kind of fight. He’s been fighting to carry on all the while losing things and losing people that were important to him. He carried on but with each step that he took forward he constantly battled with himself to be strong even though he wanted to break apart. Even now, he's only holding on by a thread and to be honest I'm afraid for him.

“I promise you Gino. No one will ever hurt you again; I’ll make sure of it.” I tell him catching his attention.

“And why would you do that?” He asks.

“Because I love you and I care for you. Anything I can do for you, I’ll do it.” I say the words firmly as I mean every single one of them from the bottom of my heart.

“Kougami, that’s not fair.” He states but he doesn’t get it.

“Gino you may never be attracted to me in anyway. My feelings will probably never be reciprocated but that won’t stop me from caring about you because I want to and not because I expect something in return.” I tell him and continue. “Gino, you know a relationship with someone that you care about is much more than just having sex and making out on a couch late at night.”

“Right…” He mutters back as he looks away from my gaze.

I’d be willing to bet that Gino has never been in an open relationship before because in his head, he thinks that sex is something that has to be involved otherwise the relationship won’t work and sadly so many people think this way and it’s really not the case. He probably doesn’t even try to get close to someone due to that very reason. He’s disgusted by the very though of having sex with someone so he avoids all forms of relationships at all cost but in the end; he’s the one who’s unhappy and alone.

“Gino have you ever had sex?” I ask, already knowing the answer but I have a point that I want to make.

“No.” He answers back just like I thought that he would but he doesn’t look at me as he spoke though. I wish I could have seen his eyes, to see his expression just now but I can probably guess it. He probably doesn't want to show his embarrassed face. He doesn't want me to see his cheeks flustered from shyness. 

“I have. I’ve been with both genders on multiple occasions and let me tell you one thing it’s not as great as many claim it to be.” I tell him as I remember all of my past encounters and if I could go back in time, I probably wouldn’t have had sex with any of them.

Some of my past partners had been truly terrible in bed, while others were some of the best I've ever had but in the end it didn’t make me happy. Actually I felt rather disgusted afterwards.

On the spur of the moment, I got my fill. I got the pleasure that I had wanted but once it was done and over with, I only felt utter disgust towards myself because in the end we didn’t have sex because we loved each other. We had sex because we were horny little bastards and we both wanted to have sex with no strings attached and that was it.

I was such a fool in the past. I was so stupid for carelessly sleeping with a random person just for the sake of having sex. It had never occurred to me that I could contract a deadly disease. The only smart thing that I did do was to use protection in each of my encounters but it can't protect you completely.

A month ago, I got myself tested just to make sure everything was alright and I was lucky. Everything was fine…

“First of all, it’s messy as hell. Once you’re done, you basically need to go take a shower. Of course it’s not necessary but you’ll fucking stink otherwise.” I further tell him and that’s the first thing most people don’t expect when they have sex the first few times. They think you just fuck and that’s it but it’s not exactly how it goes.

I always used protection so it minimized the mess but that only minimized the mess if my partner was a girl. If it was with a guy well once he came, if he didn’t have a condom on well all of his shit came spurring out but it was only him but anyway. Most guys on the other hand don’t use protection. Actually, they will come up with all sorts of excuses not to use any as they claim that it’s not comfortable or whatever but that's total bullshit.

Anyway, most people think that once the guy comes, they don’t realize that whatever that entered the bottom it has to come back out. For either gender, it’s a real mess for both if the top didn't put on a condom and if you ask me it’s just plain selfish on the one who topped.

“Not to mention the danger that you put yourself in. If you have sex you deliberately put yourself in danger for sexual transmitted diseases and believe me in the spur of the moment it’s the last thing you think of even though it should be the first thing that you do think about.“ I add finally catching his gaze back onto me.

“Okay…” He mutters and if I didn’t know any better I think I just disgusted him with a nasty mental image just now. “What about that it brings a couple closer?” He asks.

I can’t argue with that one. Sex in a relationship is supposed to be a sign of love and devotion to one another. It’s supposed to be the ultimate act of love between two people but the truth is that sex isn’t really what brings two people together. It doesn’t strengthen the bonds in a couple. What does bring a couple closer in my opinion is experience and obstacles of life that they go through together.

“Wrong. Well part of it is true but it’s pretty much one sided.” I answer and add. “The one who does the penetrating doesn’t get much of an emotional attachment unlike the receiver or bottom in other words.”

“That’s pretty selfish.” Gino blurts out and he’s right about that, I can't argue with him on that one.

I’ve never bottomed. I’ve always been the one who topped in all of my relationships and more than half of the time my partners were the ones who felt a connection towards me while I didn’t. So, I ended up breaking with my partners and went looking for another suitable partner of which was really shitty on my part but I wasn't the only one who did that. Most of my friends back then who were also tops had the same experience as I did and that's when I realized just how full of shit I really was.

“Not everyone feel that way but most who do the nailing, all they care about is getting their fill and then whatever happens to their partners they couldn’t care less. They’re no longer useful until the next time that is.” I explain and it’s when I realized this that I stopped hooking up with people at random because I didn't want to be that person who only used others for my own selfish desires.  “A relationship that is based solemnly on sex is no true relationship. There’s no love between both individuals so once they hit a rough part. Well, it breaks. Love is much more than just getting naked and fucking.” I add.

“I wouldn’t know.” Gino mutters.

“Take it from someone who does know. I’d rather never have sex for the rest of my life if it meant that I could be with someone that I love to death.” I tell him.

If someone would have asked me to forsake sex three months ago. I probably would have asked them if they were out of their fucking minds.

I was the kind of guy who would have sex five days a week, sometimes I would get a sixth day in the week. On some days I would screw around with maybe two or three different people in a single day. I honestly didn’t care. All I cared about was to get my fill and I didn’t care where or when, all I cared about was having sex but now. If I could, I would probably punch myself in the face for my past behaviors. I’ve had enough of sex to last me three lifetimes and the more I think about my past actions, the more disgusted I am about sex in general. I don’t want it anymore; it’s not fucking worth it.

“Even if you can’t ever kiss them?” Gino further asks, his emerald eyes locked onto me.

“Even if I can’t ever kiss them.” I say back, giving him a soft smile as he fights to hold in a yawn. “You should get some rest.” I tell him as I get up and he tells me that he will and I walk away.

I walk towards the barn and halfway I look over my shoulder to see Gino heading towards the house so I’m guessing that he’ll actually listen to my recommendation of getting some rest. God knows that he needs it, what he went through yesterday was big and I’m sure it left him pretty drained.

I keep on walking towards the barn and enter only to see Gino’s dad stroking Nymeria’s mane.

“Can I help you with something?” I ask as I inspect the stalls only to see them to be perfectly cleaned so Sugo must have done them already just like he said that he would for a whole month which is a shame cause I'm hitching to do something in here.

“No it’s fine.” He answers still stroking Nymeria much to her delight.

“I don’t believe that you have any business in here.” I tell him as I start checking the bucket of water and food of each horse only to find that they’ve all been filled.

Our agreement had been that Sugo would be cleaning the stalls for a month and I would be responsible for making sure that all of the horse’s water bucket and food would be filled three times a day and I haven’t had the time to do it yet and I know for a fact that Sugo didn’t do it so who did my job? For my sake I hope that Pops didn’t do it.

“No, I probably don’t.” Tim admits before backing away from Nymeria without removing his gaze off her as he spoke, “Truly a magnificent horse. To think someone would dare abuse a Friesian horse, they sure didn’t realize what they had.”

Friesian horse? I’m no horse expert and all horses pretty much look the same to me only with different colours but I guess just like dogs it’s only natural that there would be different horse breeds and Nymeria is built a bit differently compared to Copper and Cherry. She seems tougher, like she's built to have more endurance and stamina than both of those dull looking horses.

Nymeria’s mane is much longer than any of the horses that I’ve seen too and her tail is also much longer but I never gave it much thought that Nymeria might be some high class horse breed but I’ll have to remember about doing research about this horse breed in specific. I’m interested. Actually it might be a good idea that I do a bit of research on different kinds of horse breeds since I work on a horse ranch.

“Nymeria, that’s Gino’s horse.” I tell Tim but he doesn’t seem surprised in the slightest, like he already knew.

“A beautiful horse for a beautiful boy. They suit each other very well.” He states and I have to agree. Nymeria and Gino are a perfect match together. Both of them have this elegant figure and they are just drop dead gorgeous and not to mention that they are highly intelligent.

“They do.” I agree.

“I once knew every single horse in this stable. Now only one that I recognize while the rest are all complete unknowns.” Tim tells me.

I guess he must have met old Tempest considering he was married to Gino’s mom for who knows how long so my guesses is that the only horse that he probably knows must be Pops’ horse.

I know that Copper came to Heartland eight months ago and Cherry was brought here a year ago due to neglect from her previous owner so I seriously doubt it that Tim has ever seen those two horses before.

“A lot of things happen in sixteen years.” I reply as I rearrange the halters onto their rightful hooks in order to make the station look much cleaner and tidy.

“It sure does.” He replies. “How are these champions called?” He asks.

I finish rearranging the halters before turning my attention towards Tim. I seriously don’t get why he keeps talking to me, can’t he see that I’m trying to work? Better yet, I’d be willing to bet that he knows who and what I am so is he testing me or what.

“The black one is Nymeria, the red brownish one is Copper. That one belongs to some kid that works here.” I say and continue, “The brown one is Cherry. She’s a pain to ride but a pretty decent horse still and the white and brown spotted one is Pegasus. He’s Pops' but you probably already knew that.”

“What about this one?” Tim asks as he gets closer towards the new addition that we got yesterday.

“No idea, he’s a stray that we found wandering about yesterday afternoon.” I answer but I have to admit that this one is one damn fine looking horse. Once this stallion is properly fed and he gains some needed pounds, he’s going to be one hell of a horse.

When I found him wandering about around the ranch yesterday, his coat was so filthy that I couldn’t even tell what colour he was. It was only after Sugo and I got him cleaned up that we found this rich dark brown colour hiding under all of that filth.

This stallion has a great temperament. He’s not wild or nasty and he’s drop dead gorgeous to top it off so I just can’t understand why someone would just neglect this animal. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this horse was dumped into the middle of nowhere to die and that’s just sad.

“You should give this Andalusian stallion a name.” He tells me and I just can’t help but give him this odd look.

Andalusian what?

How can this guy just look at a horse and be able to blurt out a breed for the horse with such confidence. I mean all I see when I look at them is well it’s a horse. I know that this one and Nymeria have some differences. I mean Nymeria’s hooves have long feathery hairs which makes her look even more majestic while this stray doesn’t but he has his own flair.

“Pops hasn’t decided what he’ll do with it.” I admit. We did inform him about the new addition last night but other than that, he didn’t say much about what would happen to this horse so naming it seems rather pointless.

“It’s not going anywhere…” He states and adds, “I heard that horse came to you, it’s a sign.”

So I take it that Pops must have talked to him then because I didn’t tell anyone other than Pops that the stray actually came directly to me. I didn’t even have to chase it or even try to coax it to enter the barn. He just approached me and stayed around during the time I was helping Nymeria to vanquish her fear of the trailer and then when I gave her a bit of rest, he followed me into the barn. It was weird.

“Right…” I mutter.

“Think about it but that horse wants to ride and it chose who it wants for its rider.” Tim tells me and he sounds like one of those cliché guys who tell the hero in a fantasy movie about how they are the chosen one. Always the same old cliché speech, it sounds rather boring.

“I’m here on probation.” I tell him the rather obvious information just in case he forgot about it because I know for a fact that he’s fully aware of this fine little detail.

“The timing might be off but sometimes you have to take things like they come. This horse chose you and now it’s up to you to decide what to do next. Sometimes you have to seize the moment as it comes otherwise you might never get a second chance.” Tim further tells me and all I can think about is how he doesn’t even have the right to tell me about seizing the moment as it comes when he probably had plenty of chances of seizing his so called moment when it came to Gino and he blew it each time.

The only thing that saves Tim and prevents me of telling him exactly what’s on my mind is the fact that he’s Gino’s dad and that even though Pops doesn’t seem to like him very much he’s still bending on certain things so that means that I should too.

I know that people make mistakes and Tim is no different and what matters is that he’s here now but the fact still remains that he hasn’t been part of Gino’s life since he was born.

It’s kind of hard to digest and yet Tim is better than my own old man. At least he's here now, can't say the same thing for my own dad.

“I’ll think about it.” I say as I glance towards the stray that’s looking right at me.

I have to admit that I would love to call that horse mine but it’s not my place and Pops can and will do what he wants with it. I have no words to say in this matter what so ever but I wish I could keep it and call it my own. I would love to name it but it’s not my place to do so and after all, I’m just a stable hand who’s only here because of a probation sentence.

“I heard about what you did with my son’s horse the other day. That was some quick thinking and I can see that you have a steady mind. Tell me, have you ever thought about going to vet school?” He suddenly tells me and asks and now I’m just confused. Where did this come from all of a sudden? “You definitely have what it takes to go far. What you did the other day, you showed that you can work under pressure, you have an act for this.” He further adds.

“Me a vet?” I ask in disbelief before saying what’s on my mind, “Like that’s ever going to happen. I’m a high school drop-out.”

Can’t say that I’m proud of dropping out of school, it seemed like a good idea at the time but I was a total idiot for doing so. I wasn’t passing and instead of clearing the eleventh grade or even try to clear it I gave up and called it quits.

“You don’t have to sit behind a desk to get your high school diplomat.” Tim tells me and he’s right about that. I mean I know that I can get my high school diplomat online but I haven’t cleared the eleventh grade and I still have my twelve grade to do and I just don’t know if I can do it.

I’m starting to wonder if this guy was actually waiting for me to enter the barn. I just feel like this guy had something to tell me and he waited until we were completely alone to do so and I don’t know it feels like he wants something from me. Like he's trying to gain support from other people around here to better secure himself with Gino and if that's the case that's shady as fuck.

“What do you want Tim?” I ask.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that Heartland needs a full time vet.” He says and here it comes.

He’s got some nerves for even suggesting what I think that he’s suggesting. Heartland is one of Saiga’s biggest client since when the SPCA confiscates neglected and abused horses they bring them here to be taken cared of and that means Saiga must come here to check up on these horses. In other words, Saiga’s biggest profit for his clinic comes from Heartland. He depends on Heartland and now this guy wants to try and take that away from him. He’s got nerves.

“I seriously doubt it that Saiga would let someone take his business away from him.” I voice out. I won’t undermine Saiga; he’s been too good for this place. Every time I called him he was always there, he never had any excuses to give me. He’s a good guy and I won’t do anything to jeopardize his business.

“The guy is getting old and he needs help but he’s not the type to go around asking for helping hands. If you want to be a vet you’ll have a secure job without a doubt with him. Heartland needs a full time vet who’s able to come on a moment’s notice but Saiga’s business keeps on expending and he can’t handle it all by himself anymore and I believe that you are the one for the job.” He explains.

It’s true each time that I’ve seen Saiga when he comes to Heartland, he’s always alone. I’ve never seen him with an assistant or another vet covering for him but maybe that’s how he likes it. Maybe he wants to work alone, I mean it’s his business right?

I have to admit though that time when Nymeria’s life was resting in the balance depending on the decision that I would make. Yes I was nervous as hell but I liked it. I liked the thrill and even though I didn’t know what I was doing, a part of me somehow knew.

“I’ll make a deal with you. You work here and while you do that, you work on getting your high school diplomat and then you apply for vet school.” Tim tells me, catching my attention as he continues, “If you’re accepted. I’ll cover the cost for your studies in full. No questions asked.”

Is this guy out of his fucking mind? The cost for studying to become a vet can’t be below a hundred thousand dollars. There’s no way he can pay for that and besides I’m not his son. If he wants to spend money on someone’s education it should be on Gino or Mika if he wants to spend so much money on someone so badly. He might as well keep it in the family and not on some strange high school drop out who’s on probation.

“Why?” I ask back.

“Present me with a high school diplomat and I’ll give you my answer.” He answers and walks out of the barn like it were nothing.

He basically just told me to finish school and then wants me to apply for vet school afterwards but everyone knows that only kids of deep pockets can actually afford to be able to study in order to become a veterinarian. I seriously don’t understand this guy but it’s rather obvious that he’s trying to buy me and well he’s got the wrong guy.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Kougami**

Time sure goes by fast around here. Maybe a little too fast for my liking but unfortunately, I can’t control time.

June went by almost in a flash and I’m barely seeing July go by as is. My first check up with my parole officer yesterday couldn’t have been any better. Actually, it was all thanks to what Pops told Clint. 

Pops had promised me earlier yesterday morning when Clint was coming that he’d put in a good word for me and he sure did. Somehow though, I didn’t expect him to do it but he did and I’m thankful for it. I really am but even though my life seems to be getting better, I don’t know why but I’m not content.

I don’t understand why I feel this way. I mean, I’m treated really well here by everyone. Like, I'm actually part of the family and for the first time in my life, I feel like I could actually call this place home. As an added bonus, I happen to excel at my job as a stable hand and yet even though I have all of that, I’m not happy…

I’ve been in Heartland for a month now and many things have changed around here since my first day and I understand that. I mean, Heartland is a horse ranch where horses come and go. Any horses that don’t belong to Heartland are just temporary and because of that, like Mika had told me a few times not to get attached to any of them and I tried to. I really did, but when a woman came to pick up Cherry last week to relocate her, I couldn’t stay to watch her leave.

Cherry was just a horse. A plain looking horse with nothing special but during my stay here she was mine in a sense after Tempest had died. I was always the one to ride her and I don’t know why but I thought that she’d be safe because of me but I was wrong. It was only the night before her pick up that I heard Lysa tell Gino about how proud she was of his first solo sale and that he had sold Cherry to a woman in Calgary at a decent price.

I know that Gino was only doing what he thought was best for Cherry and for Heartland. I know that I didn’t have a single word to say about his decision since I’m just a simple stable hand but I wish he had talked to me about it first even though I know it wouldn’t have changed much. 

Sugo told me that he was actually surprised that Cherry had stayed for so long in Heartland. He said that a horse like her are often what people want due to her temperament and the fact that she’s energetic is also an added bonus. Especially since Gino worked with her to perform jumps and I know selling Cherry was profitable for the ranch since it is a business and cash must continuously flow. But, watching Cherry go was hard and I honestly don’t know how Gino does it. I mean, I was attached to that mare just by riding and caring for her, Gino did more than that. He's had her for a whole year and he worked with her. He bonded with Cherry in order to gain her trust so how could he just sell her like that and watch her be taken away?

Now that Cherry is gone, I’ve started using Copper to get around the ranch much to Kagari’s disapproval. It didn't take long until I got Pops to scold me about using a horse that wasn't mine was a bad idea and that I could get myself or the horse injured. He further lectured me about how I should use the stray horse that’s in the barn as my horse and for starters I should start thinking about naming it.

A week after that horse arrived at Heartland, Pops told me that I should start working with that stallion since he would be mine for the whole summer. He told me the same thing that Tim had told me back in the barn. That the stray stallion had chosen me and that’s how it is but I can’t bring myself to approach it and I don’t know why.

Even in this very moment as I’m sitting on the ground just starring that stallion right into those dark eyes. I just can’t bring myself to approach it.

Pops basically told me a few days ago that this stallion is my horse. He’s mine and I know that I should be thrilled about it and yet I’m not. I don’t understand why I feel this way. Anyone would be over joyed to have such a gorgeous horse to call their own and yet I’m not.

The day after Tim made his appearance here in Heartland. He dropped off a bunch of malnourished horses on Pops’s shoulders stating that the horses themselves had been dumped on his property in Big River Ranch and that he had no use for them so Pops took them claiming that free horses is like a goldmine for horse ranchers.

Heartland gained seven new horses and that’s not counting the stray horse that arrived in Heartland all by itself. Anyway, due to the sudden arrival of seven horses that need to be trained. Gino has been extremely busy and for that I just can’t help but feel frustrated towards Tim since he just dropped them off and hit the road. He hasn’t been seen or heard of since, leaving his kid with all of that.

What the hell is he even thinking about dumping all of that onto Gino’s shoulders? Of all people, he should have known better but Gino didn’t seem to mind. The only thing that helps to ease my mind about all of this is that when Gino is done working with a horse and they are all good to go he was able to sell them for a reasonable price. Especially if the horse excelled in jumping.

So far Gino has successfully trained five out of the seven horses that Tim dumped on us. Three of those horses excelled in jumping so Gino was able to sell each one over fifteen thousand dollars which is remarkable. I had no idea that horses could be sold that high and apparently that some jumpers can be sold for over forty thousand depending if they have won ribbons before and that’s just amazing.

Selling those three horses for such high prices wasn’t the most amazing thing that Gino did though. Yes those sells boosted the profit for Heartland quite a bit but the thing I’m most amazed about is how Gino trained one of those horses to carry a blind little girl in order for her to ride it. I was just so amazed how gentle Gino made that horse. Just seeing that little blind girl riding that mare was really amazing so again, that was another horse that got sold for a high price just because it was trained as a disability horse.

The stray stallion is nickering in his stall, taking me out of my thoughts. He wants me to go to him and Tim is right about what he said that night. That horse wants to be ridden. It wants to get saddled up and he wants me to ride him but I can’t bring myself to do it and I just don’t know why.

What is wrong with me? Anyone would kill to ride that stallion, he’s drop dead gorgeous. He’s a dark rich brown and sometimes he looks like he’s black and then the sun hits him and the richness of the brown comes out. He’s magnificent, especially now since he’s gain a good amount of weight and his health couldn’t be any better by Saiga’s verdict.

There’s still that thing about the offer that Tim gave me about completing high school and going to vet school. But, the more I think about it, the harder it is for me to swallow it and I wonder if all of that might be the reason why I just can’t bring myself to approach the stray stallion. Especially after I overheard him talking with Pops later that night after Gino and Mika had gone to bed…

I haven’t told Gino about what I overheard. I know deep down I should have told him and yet a huge part of me doesn’t want to screw things up for a chance for him to have a relationship with his father. I don’t want to be the guy to break everything apart but knowing this is killing me.

When it comes to that man, I just can’t read him at all. He seemed to genuinely care about Gino before he left. He claimed that he preferred giving the horses to Heartland and allowing us to profit from those horses and in turn it would allow Gino to work at ease in Heartland for a while and that’s exactly how it turned out. He’s been so busy here since then and only now is his load starting to let up a little and from what I heard next week some guy is dropping one of his horse here in Heartland for Gino to work on.

I heard that the guy inherited a horse after one of his relative passed away. I think it was his uncle or something but anyway the guy soon found out that the animal itself is rather wild and ill tempered. He can’t do anything with it but from his memories apparently it used to be calm and gentle before compared to what it is now.

The thing is that a few month before his uncle or something died. The barn that the horse was in caught on fire and the horse was hurt pretty badly in the fire. Fortunately it survived but since that day the horse is wild to the point of being dangerous to be around it.

I understand why the guy wants to fix that horse. The horse itself is just like Nymeria is to Gino. It’s the last thing that's keeping his relative alive. For sentimental value it’s worth giving that horse every chance that it can be given but sometimes the damage is just too great. I just hope it won’t be the case with that one but I'm confident that Gino will come up with something.

A light knock drags me out of my thoughts as I turn my head towards the noise only to see Gino enter the barn with an envelope in his hands.

“Hey, you got mail.” He says as he walks towards me and I stand up not bothering to shake off the dust that must be covering my behind.

“Is it from Clint?” I ask curiously.

“No I don’t think so. It doesn’t look like anything official, just a letter.” He answers.

“I’m not expecting anything.” I state back.

“Then great!” He replies back a little excited for some reason as he gives me the letter and adds. “A mystery letter, like a surprise. Come on open it.”

“Alright, give me a second.” I shoot back nudging him with my elbow playfully before opening the letter.

It’s a strange letter. It doesn’t even have a return address on the envelope but Heartland’s address is well written in full and my name is properly written as well.

I tear the envelop and pull out a stack of folded paper and quickly start reading. Skipping a bit here and there until I force myself to stop reading and fold the papers back. Of all times that I could have received this, why now?

“Kou? What is it?” Gino ask after a bit of silence, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“It’s from my dad…” I tell him.

“What does it say?” He asks back.

“Says that he’s been looking for me for the past five years and that he wants to meet.” I answer back but I can’t shake off the bad taste in my mouth.

This has to be pure bullshit, complete bullshit! He says that he’s been looking for me for the last five years but wasn’t able to locate me until now. It’s fucking bullshit!

Okay, yeah we’ve moved a lot after he left, that’s true. But, we never left the province and yet he couldn't find me but he had no problem in managing to find me in the middle of nowhere.

“Kougami that’s great!” Gino states and I think he might be a bit more excited than I am. Well Gino is a bit of an optimist, well less than his friend Akane anyway but still an optimist. Well to be honest, he’s been more optimistic ever since Tim entered the picture. Even though the guy only came by Heartland for two days and hasn’t been heard since. At least he had a positive effect on his kid in the short time that he was here. I have to give the guy that at least for what it's worth.

“He wants to meet in Fort McMurray.” I tell Gino and I honestly have to wonder why Fort McMurray of all places. All there is at Fort McMurray is an endless plain of thick forest and nothing else.

“That’s not exactly near Heartland…” Gino voice out.

“No, it’s not.” I agree.

If my dad knew that I was in Heartland and from what I read he’s fully aware about my probation. So, he should know that I can’t just leave Heartland to go on a road trip as I like. Hudson isn’t exactly near Fort McMurray. He’s got to be out of his damn mind for asking me to drive eight hours just to meet him.

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t plan on going.” I add as I shove the papers back into the envelope before folding it in half and shoving it inside my pocket.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

Gino doesn’t have to tell me what he’s thinking, I can already guess it. Since his dad came back and he seems like this great guy in his eyes, he must think that my dad will be the same and to be honest I’m not too sure about that. 

The thing is that I only told Gino that my dad walked out on me and my mom when I was ten but that wasn’t the whole story. My dad has been in and out of jail more times than I can remember, he’s a thief and a poor one at that too.

After I was born my dad was sent to jail for the first time for two years but he didn't learn his lesson. He continued stealing and gambling until he landed back in jail a year later and that's how it was until he walked out on us. Sometimes I wonder if him walking out on us actually made a difference in our lives. Either way, we ended up on the shitty end on both sides.

“Yeah I’m sure.” I assure him but to be honest a part of me still wants to see him since he is my dad but at the moment I just can’t afford to gamble with my probation. I just can’t take that chance and Pops has been so good to me for the last month, I can’t do something like that to him.

“Thanks again for what you did with Nymeria.” Gino says, changing the subject much to my liking.

I was originally planning on surprising Gino and not tell him anything until he would start trying to work with Nymeria but I ended up telling him before he could try and of course he had to inspect my work right away. I watched him with confidence and just like Nymeria had done with me, she entered the trailer with ease and Gino was so thrilled. He hasn’t stopped thanking me since then and I have to say that I do enjoy it but that’s all there is between Gino and me. Our relationship hasn’t improved or worsen of which I’m thankful for but he’s just not interested in me at all and that's just a bummer.

A month has passed but I think I will never be more than a brother figure in Gino’s eyes. I know that I shouldn’t be surprised by that since he did tell me quite clear that romance and sexual attraction towards others are just not in his interests. It’s not like he hasn’t told me all of that. He did the moment that he realized my feelings for him but not crossing a line with Gino is much easier said than done.

The way he acts around me is one of the things that makes it hard not to cross the line. I know it's just his way of being friendly but to many others Gino would be what you'd call a tease. He probably doesn't do it intentionally but he can often give the wrong signal and if you don't really pay attention to his body language and you don't know how he feels, you could mistake his gesture as an invitation for you to do a move on him and that's just not the case. Gino doesn't want you to pull a move on him, he just wants you to be his friend. To Gino, a relationship in his eyes in on the friend level and nothing more and to be honest I have absolutely no problems with that.

“Any time Gino. Anything I can do to help I’ll do it.” I tell him.

I’m glad that those bruises on his face are completely gone and they healed pretty fast too much to my joy. In no time at all they were gone and his face was back to normal but there’s something more now. Even though he’s super busy with all of those dumped horses, he’s actually genuinely happy. Working with those horses was more than just working; he was actually having fun for a change and it shows.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He tells me back before walking up to the stray stallion’s stall. “Thought of a name for him?” He asks as he gently strokes it in between the horse’s eyes.

The Tellington T Touch or simply the T Touch Gino likes to call it is a technique that helps to calm a horse down when it’s feeling a bit stressed and it helps the horse to bond with you better. It’s a technique that requires that you use three fingers and press gently on the forehead and stroke in a circular motion.

I’ve heard a few people tell me that the T Touch is completely useless and a waste of time but I’ve seen Gino use it so many times and I can tell that the horses just loves it by how it always leans towards him. Like it's trying to tell him to continue. It obviously helps them to relax which then makes them more manageable so I don’t care what anyone says. Gino’s way is the right way.

“Not yet…” I answer. “I don’t even know what to name him. You wouldn’t give me some suggestions now would you?” I add.

I’ve been pondering on how to name this horse but nothing that I come up with would actually fit him. Everything that I think of is just cheesy and lame…

“I thought of one but if I tell you then you’ll use that one and that’s not how I want this guy to get his name.” Gino tells me. “And besides a name is important and he’s your horse now so you should give it a suitable name that you came up with.” He further tells me.

“Fair enough.” I say and I can’t argue against what he said but I just can’t think of a good name for this guy.

Gino was the one who gave Nymeria her name. Apparently she had another one given to her by Mulherin but I can’t recall what it was only that it sounded rather dumb. Nymeria just sounds majestic and it matches her so well, she’s just such an elegant horse. Just like Tim said that night, who in their right mind would mistreat such a fine looking horse? That creep sure as hell didn't know what he had but that doesn't matter anymore since she's home now.

Anyway, I get why Copper got his name because if you compare him to the colour copper they are identical and Pops gave his horse a grand old name, Pegasus and somehow it fits the old stallion quite well. Even Tempest’s name sounded grand but considering his temperament I don’t feel like it matched him at all or maybe it once did. Maybe old Tempest had been much more than what I saw of which is highly plausible.

I know that horses don’t need to have specific names. They don’t need to be grand or majestic. I mean there’s nothing majestic by the name of Bucky or Snaggletooth. Who in their right mind would call their horse Snaggletooth is beyond me but anyway I shouldn’t be thinking so hard about this and yet I am.

The thing is that I have been pondering on a name for a while. I like how it sounds in my head when I say it but what if Gino thinks it’s a ridiculous name…

“Hey Gino.” I call out just as he goes to walk away.

“Yeah?” He says as he turns to face me.

I should tell him about what I heard Tim say to Pops on that night. I know that I shouldn’t keep this secret from Gino and it’s eating at me and yet I can’t say the words. I can’t bring myself to say it; I don’t want to see his smile fade away. He’s been so happy these last few weeks and I’d hate to ruin that.

“Forget it, it’s nothing.” I quickly say.

“Okay then… Later.” He replied before walking out of the barn.

I fucking hate this…


End file.
